Tag Archives: McFaddens

The Interns Are Coming

4 Jun

All over DC, a slow but steady buildup has been approaching, finally erupting in offices everywhere this week.

You know how during Freshman orientation in college there was always a list of things to do/avoid so as not to be that Freshman? It ranged from getting rid of that tacky lanyard hanging around your neck with your student ID attached, to going to each and every organization’s free pizza party in order to save on your dine dollars.

Wouldn’t it be nice if DC held some kind of massive orientation in front of the Lincoln Monument for all the new interns that have arrived? If we had it our way, these are some of the key points that would be touched upon before they embark on their summer in the capital.

– Do Not ask a co-worker on a date the first week you meet. Or ever. The exact words that were used with one particular intern was “Would it be inappropriate to ask you on a date?” Yes, dear. Yes it would.

– We will give you stupid work. Shut up and do it. That’s what you’re here for.

– Don’t dress like a slut. A bandage skirt that has seen the depths of Saint-Ex does not double as a pencil skirt. And please leave your 5 inch red platform heels at home.

– Your opinions probably don’t matter. Sure you’re in the Student Government Association at your college, and therefore believe you have really brilliant ideas… but let’s be honest, you don’t.

– Gossip in DC is worse than in high school. Go ahead. Hook up with the intern from the legal department. Complain that your boss doesn’t deserve his position. Game on. Because We will find out.

– Standing directly in front of the cafeteria worker with 8 people behind you in line is not when you start pondering whether you want swiss or cheddar on your turkey sandwich. Know what you want for lunch, and order quickly. We’re all in a hurry.

– Don’t show up to work hungover multiple times in a week. We’re aware that you will party like it’s 2011 on random Tuesday nights at McFaddens, but pop some advil, drink a 5 hour energy, and pull yourself together man.

– Don’t go to McFaddens.

– Just because you’re the nephew of a senator, or the daughter of John Boehner’s college roommate’s cousin-in-law does not make you important. Sure, that’s how half of you got your internships. But don’t for two seconds think we want to deal with your douchebagery.

Follow these rules, use common sense, and don’t be a dick. That’s basically the summary of this post. And if you can do that, we will love you forever. If you can’t, we’ll laugh in your face, complain behind your back, and blog about you in the hopes that you see it someday.

Don’t be an intern statistic. We’ve all been there. And we’re rooting for you.

B.

Overheard in DC: “Full of Freaks” Edition

17 Apr

By now, we hope you’ve all read Jessica Sidman’s ground-breaking piece on all of the bars and restaurants in which everyone in this city – except us, apparently – is having bathroom sex. First off, actual congratulations to one of our favorite DC journos – this is real journalism and we now have about 657 new things on our bucket list.

Until that happens, though, a girl can dream, and I for one have been fantasizing about what one might overhear during one of these bathroom rendezvous…es. Here’s what you might hear at a few of our DC favorites if you walked by one of these bathroom encounters:

The Palm: “Please try to keep it down. My campaign manager is RIGHT outside.”

Biergarten Haus: “Hurry up baby, my table at Toki Underground is ready!”

Tryst: “Oh…my…GOD…..seriously, where the hell are my cornbread waffle bites? I ordered them before we even got in here. Our server is like such a space cadet.”

Hawk and Dove: “This was soooo much easier before the renovation when the sinks were shorter. This whole bar was so much cooler back then. It was like, an actual dive. And we could get in underage. One time when I was an intern we did shots with the Congressman.” (Author’s note: yes, you would hear during bathroom sex exactly what you would hear all around the acutual bar. When it’s two douchey 23-year-old Hill staffers on their home turf, what do you expect?) 

Hill Country (Karaoke Edition): “Shhhh, not so loud! I want to hear Wagon Wheel!”

McFaddens (Free Happy Hour edition): “WAIT you’re only 19???”

Policy: “What’s your name again?”

Teddy and the Bully Bar: “Speak softly and carry a big stick. Oh wow, you got the second one covered. Okay, but still shush though – there’s a line outside for god’s sake!”

Le Diplomate: “Voulez-vous couche…” Just kidding. Trick question. No one is doing it in the bathroom at Le Diplomate. You waited 5 months for this reservation and hell if you’re going to waste even a minute of this precious time in French Disneyland on le sex.

 Send us your additions in the commented or @stoprequestedDC. From Brownout Betty, keep boning in bar bathrooms, bitches.

xoxoxo

BB