Tag Archives: first date

An Unusual Double Standard

1 Jul

“Ugh, he just loves me SO much. I can’t even”, I say to my friend Meghan for the third time in our 45-minute long daily phone conversation, which in case you were wondering covers anything from relationship to metabolism statuses.

Yes, I am annoyed that this man is being too available, giving me too much attention, and treating me too well. I can’t really understand it… I obviously am sick of being treated like dirt, over and over again. Shouldn’t I welcome this change?

I haven’t yet figured out what’s going on, but a long time ago, Betty and I drew an interesting parallel that we’ve observed in our statistically significant sample (ie. our 20 friends).

Being easy.

Every woman reading this right now can probably accurately define being easy as a woman. And though we probably don’t call men easy, we can probably think of at least one guy who is. What do I mean by this?

A woman is easy when… she sleeps with a guy on the first date.

A man is easy when… he texts immediately after a date telling you he had a good time.

A woman is easy when… she goes home with a dude from a bar.

A man is easy when… he is willing to rearrange his schedule to go on a date with you.

A woman is easy when… she’s willing to be a 2am booty-call.

A man is easy when… he tells you he likes you.

A woman is easy when… a guy can kick her out of her apartment at 4am and she does leave.

A man is easy when… he just wants to cuddle you when you show up at his place drunk at 2am.

Obviously these are outrageous generalizations (and really weird ones). But you get the idea… So many of us get turned off by guys who are willing to put forth their emotions and actually show interest in us. I don’t mean the clinger who thinks that two dates makes you his boyfriend. I mean the guy who’s always willing to sleepover at your place, without ever asking you to go over. The guy who buys you a thoughtful christmas present, even though you got him nothing. The guy who’s willing to drive you home on the weekend, so that you don’t have to wait for the metro.

I spend a lot of time being angry about the fact that having a very active sex life played by my own rules categorizes me as “slutty”, “easy” and “undateable”. And yet, I am a huge hypocrite who judges guys negatively for not insulting me at a bar, or not wanting to go home with me from the bar but rather just wanting my number. We need to stop doing both things. A guy is not referred to as neither slutty or easy when he behaves like I do. Let’s stop calling women that! And a woman is not undateable when she gets a guy a thoughtful gift or keeps his favorite beer in her fridge.

Why should men then be undateable when they are emotionally available?

Why should women be undateable when they manage their sex lives how they want to?

I’m not saying that we need to start a movement to defend men, BY ANY MEANS. Those little shits definitely don’t need our help in life, amirite? But I guess I do think it’s an interesting dichotomy in the blogiterature of dating and relationships, and such.

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Say Yes to the… Second Date!

3 Jun

by Stacie Smack

Summer is back in full force in DC, which (as we’ve mentioned before) means that the SR ladies are on a mission to go on as many dates as possible. Belle is leaving us all in the dust, having already gone on 4 or 5 first dates. The stories will eventually end up immortalized here because they are too good to be forgotten, yet they are not mine to tell, so you’ll have to wait a little longer.

Most of these dates happen due to the existence of a thousand and half dating apps. Aside from Tinder, the SR ladies have (finally!) gotten into CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel), a personal favorite of yours truly. Despite my lack of success stories, I know several individuals who’ve had ranging levels of success on the site, and I think we can have them too.

The thing is that with any dating site, you’re going to get a varied range of first dates and I promise you only 1 out of 5 will actually be mildly successful. Dating is hard. People misrepresent themselves online (LIE) to give a better first impression. What you think will make you compatible may not actually mean that you’ll be able to talk for three hours.

Dating is hard.

However, after hearing the date recaps from several ladies, I couldn’t help but wonder, are you giving the guy a chance?

I mean I totally get it, if the guy is missing his four front teeth and failed to mention that, and he also doesn’t directly look at you in the eyes for the entirety of your lunch date, well then maybe you’re not being too picky. Bad dates happen all the time.

But when I hear my friends say things like “there was no spark” or “he drank less than I did” or “there were some awkward silences”, I want to yell at them so loudly, because ladies, let’s be real. IT WAS JUST A FREAKING FIRST DATE!

Here are the facts: he was nervous too, online dating is awkward so there will be silences! Honestly, there probably wouldn’t be a spark either with the guy at the bar if you hadn’t been 3 fireball shots in already. He’s someone you know NOTHING about, so maybe he drinks less and you didn’t know that. Or maybe he is more focused on getting to know you than pounding down G&Ts.

I just think that there is so much time between when you first find out about each other and when you actually go on a date, that by that point your expectation of who this person is will NEVER match the person that actually is sitting in front of you, because your expectations don’t account for nerves, for having had a bad day, for being shy at first impressions, and I could go on forever.

So as long as he has most of his teeth, and he didn’t lie about his height by more than three inches (the average number by which men increase their height online), and he showed up on time, and made you laugh a few times, can we agree that it was not a bad date?

Therefore, I make one plea to you if you come out of a date feeling meh but not blegh: SAY YES TO A SECOND DATE!

I mean honestly, a second date barely implies anything more than a first one does: there’s no written expectations about sex, labels, or even kissing! I mean when was the last time you went on two dates and started calling someone your boyfriend? When was the last time you went on two dates???

Two dates is still few enough to fade a guy out, and yet it’s a second opportunity for both of you to give and get a second, better, more you impression. It’s another weeknight with plans with someone who’s not your same 7 friends, and it is definitely NOT anything more than just a second date.

So to my dear ladies, text the guy, get another drink, so that you actually feel confident that you actually have zero interest in the guy, rather than unmet outlandish expectations that you’ve only ever seen on TV.

Do I even Ask if You Want to Come Upstairs?

14 Jan

by Stacie Smack

This past weekend the #SRDC ladies and I ventured out into the cold cold winter, and decided to close down an AdMo bar (success, proven by the McDonald’s receipt Anne found in her pants pocket the next morning). After approximately fifteen minutes since our arrival, Belle had managed to get a man to sit at our booth. Despite his obvious interest exclusively on Belle, I tried my hardest to third-wheel the situation for as long as possible.

Now, if I haven’t mentioned this before, I will now. I am not shy when talking to guys (particularly that are not interested in me or that I am not interested in) to bring up the fact that I am conducting extensive research on “Men and 21st Century Dating”. Often times, this freaks guys out, understandably, since all of a sudden they become very aware that I am analyzing literally everything they do and say. Once in a while though, I get brilliant snippets of uncensored honesty. Belle’s man did just that.

Sex on a first date: yes or no?

“Here’s the thing. I’m ALWAYS trying to have sex on a first date. I also wouldn’t date a girl who has sex on the first date.”

Take a minute.
Got it?

Ladies, behold the hypocrisy of the lesser gender, at its finest.

Let’s breakdown this thought into two parts. The first is at least to me, not surprising. In fact, I would just assume that he’s probably just always trying to have sex, first date or not. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I am a strong believer of sexual drive and carnal lust or whatever. Sex is good, and we like to have it.

The second part I suppose is also fine in isolation. If he had just said that second part, I wouldn’t be writing on it. Men and women all around us can relate to this statement. So many people (myself excluded) support the “taking it slow” strategy of waiting and getting to know one another before getting to The Sex. While I can’t relate as well to this as to the first part of his statement, I respect the preference of waiting. Did he have to phrase it that way? Probably not. Does he sound like a sexist asshole by saying it that way? Probably. The point is that his alluding to talking before sexing did not blow my mind.

And so why did this comment bother me so much? Because when you put the two together, it makes no sense. It’s like putting a delicious piece of cake in front of a child but telling him he can’t have it. Unless you’re a child with a lot of self control, it’s going to be pretty hard to not eat that cake. And somehow, you’ve just put all of that self-control on ME. So you’re going to push for that cake, but without telling me, you expect me to take the cake away rather than eat it with YOU. Do you see how complicated and unfair this gets?

And I’m not saying that my pants come off as soon as a guy is doing and saying all the right things, but the reason that I don’t is because I’ve realized that if I take my pants off, he will think that I’m not worthy of dating. And that just pisses me off. Why should anyone make me feel like I’m not worthy? Who are you to make me feel not worthy of anything?

Plus, I like sex just as much as you do, and I think compatibility in those aspects is just as important as at the dinner table. I’d want to find out sooner rather than later if we’re going to get along in bed. If we had a good date, and we’re getting along, and you want it, and I want it, then why am I going to become undateable?

If the tables were flipped, if the expectation was on you to turn down first date sex, while I get to try as much as I want to convince you to have it, do you think you’d be able to say no?