Tag Archives: Drinking

The Interns Are Coming

4 Jun

All over DC, a slow but steady buildup has been approaching, finally erupting in offices everywhere this week.

You know how during Freshman orientation in college there was always a list of things to do/avoid so as not to be that Freshman? It ranged from getting rid of that tacky lanyard hanging around your neck with your student ID attached, to going to each and every organization’s free pizza party in order to save on your dine dollars.

Wouldn’t it be nice if DC held some kind of massive orientation in front of the Lincoln Monument for all the new interns that have arrived? If we had it our way, these are some of the key points that would be touched upon before they embark on their summer in the capital.

– Do Not ask a co-worker on a date the first week you meet. Or ever. The exact words that were used with one particular intern was “Would it be inappropriate to ask you on a date?” Yes, dear. Yes it would.

– We will give you stupid work. Shut up and do it. That’s what you’re here for.

– Don’t dress like a slut. A bandage skirt that has seen the depths of Saint-Ex does not double as a pencil skirt. And please leave your 5 inch red platform heels at home.

– Your opinions probably don’t matter. Sure you’re in the Student Government Association at your college, and therefore believe you have really brilliant ideas… but let’s be honest, you don’t.

– Gossip in DC is worse than in high school. Go ahead. Hook up with the intern from the legal department. Complain that your boss doesn’t deserve his position. Game on. Because We will find out.

– Standing directly in front of the cafeteria worker with 8 people behind you in line is not when you start pondering whether you want swiss or cheddar on your turkey sandwich. Know what you want for lunch, and order quickly. We’re all in a hurry.

– Don’t show up to work hungover multiple times in a week. We’re aware that you will party like it’s 2011 on random Tuesday nights at McFaddens, but pop some advil, drink a 5 hour energy, and pull yourself together man.

– Don’t go to McFaddens.

– Just because you’re the nephew of a senator, or the daughter of John Boehner’s college roommate’s cousin-in-law does not make you important. Sure, that’s how half of you got your internships. But don’t for two seconds think we want to deal with your douchebagery.

Follow these rules, use common sense, and don’t be a dick. That’s basically the summary of this post. And if you can do that, we will love you forever. If you can’t, we’ll laugh in your face, complain behind your back, and blog about you in the hopes that you see it someday.

Don’t be an intern statistic. We’ve all been there. And we’re rooting for you.

B.

The 17 Steps of Online Dating in GIFs

13 May

by Stacie Smack

1. You hear a great success story from a friend of a friend.

2. You decide, if she can do it, so can you!

3. Realize there are approximately 5,000,000 different sites…

4. Pick OkCupid.

5. Face the “blank slate” that you’re expected to fill in with a quirky, yet honest, yet funny, yet with a hint of I’m-looking-for-love tone.

6. Give up.

7. Choose Tinder.

8. Spend the next five hours at work swiping until you realized you forgot to eat lunch.

9.Exchange some texts with a cute guy with a paycheck until you learn that he lives in Baltimore.

10. Get matched with your supervisor, Jim.

11. Give up.

12. Join Coffee Meets Bagel.

13. Find it equally as stressful to summarize yourself in 3 bullet points.

14. Get SUPER excited at 11:55 about your upcoming “bagel” person!

15. Get awful matches for the next two weeks.

16. Go on  a terrible date with a guy you met in one of the 14 platforms you’re now on.

17. Meet your girlfriends at the Brixton after, take fireball shots, and meet a cute guy.

18. End up dating the guy for 5 months.

Break up, Rinse, Repeat.

Playing “The Game”

5 Nov

by Stacie Smack

I play in a league for one of these “social sports”, as most 20-something years old do while living in DC (I am now quite familiar with the #newfridays… OOOF). After three of my bosses informed me that their daughters met their husbands while participating in these leagues, I figured I had absolutely nothing to lose and at least one of my future five divorces to gain.

The first Thursday, I surveyed the landscape and identified the individuals with potential (i.e. who was single and taller than me), it’s the time to make friends. The second Thursday was for establishing casual friendships and assessing the right personalities (i.e. who’s going to buy more pitchers of beer when we are running low) – you want to maintain a general flirty attitude.

I went in for the kill on the third week – seduction mode is fully loaded. Three whiskey shots and two games of slap cup in, I got Bob* to trap me in conversation for the rest of the night, and to passionately kiss me good night (+ a phone number + a facebook friend request). Like all budding romances, it happened at a “sign of the whale”-esque bar in DC. I consciously declined his request to “walk me home”.

We proceeded to text fairly regularly about nonsense, with no indications or suggestions of hanging out. Presumably, there is no need to force a date, when the two involved parties are guaranteed to see each other in less than a week.

Regularly, this is not how Stacie operates. If you’re going to text me, we are going to go out on a date and talk in person, but it was a busy week and my schedule would not have allowed it. However, this meant that for 7 days, we texted a few times a day, creating this weird familiarity between us that is not guaranteed to translate in person.

When I was relaying this story to some fellow #SRDC ladies, it inevitably came out like this: “yeah, we made out last week and we’ve been texting {giggle, giggle, grin, giggle}”.

HAVE BEEN TEXTING.

WTF does that mean???? Excuse me while I go vomit, disgusted by my own self. It’s not like we’ve gotten to know each other better, or we’ve talked about any relevant things!

That one sentence manages to perfectly encapsulate so much of the stupid game that we love to play. Chit-chatty texting is disconnected enough to come across as casual, but persistent and prevalent enough to keep the hope alive that it “could become something” or whatever. It keeps you hooked and excited and attached to your smartphone and googly-eyed, but you know deep inside that at any point the texts can stop and you’ll be left response-less for no rhyme or reason.

So Thursday rolled around, and Bob was there. And I was there. And my entire office was there (since they are my team). How are we supposed to approach each other? Do we acknowledge the 7 days of talking? Or do we pretend that “we just drunkenly made out”? I kind of just ran away. It was obviously the mature, and sensible thing to do.

At the bar, we both made clear efforts to “talk” to each other (read: it’s so loud that I have to wrap my arm around you and whisper in your ear so that we can talk). Bada bing bada boom, and it’s 7:30am and he’s in my bed and I have to go to work and we’re both still a little drunk.

I am not a sleepover kind of girl. There is enough cynicism and pessimism in my life to create the expectation that most guys leave at 6am and never call you (me) back, or do but only when they are horny again. So this was uncharted territory. I had to shower, pick out an outfit, blow dry my hair, and put on my make up ALL in his presence. It felt invasive. And it felt like it was too soon. Is that an irrational feeling?

We walked part of the way to work together, NOT holding hands, as that would definitely send me running for the hills. And then came the good bye. OH GOD. I like to think that I am really good at Men. But, he went in for a kiss at 8:45am on Friday before my morning coffee on a block of town where the chances of running into a co-worker are 73.8% so I swiftly (and oh, so skillfully) maneuvered the kiss into a hug that lasted too long and a  “thank you for… whatever”. 

WHO SAYS THAT? Apparently me.

Really what I wanted to say was “thanks for the three orgasms last night, let’s do that again soon”.

Now, I’m sitting at work stalking him on facebook and wondering why he hasn’t texted me. I hate being that girl. I hate the fact that I’m thinking if he’s thinking of me. I hate the fact that I won’t text him until he does. I hate that I’m excited about the possibility of seeing him this weekend. So what happens next? Do I wait until it’s 1am and see if he wants to meet up? Do we do this again next week? Do I want it to happen again before then? So many uncertainties. And so much energy spent on something that could still amount to nothing.

*His name is not Bob – but this is supposed to be anonymous and I’m just that creative.

How to Survive a Government Shutdown: 10 Tips from a “Nonessential” Employee

14 Oct

By Nonessential Capitol Jill

(Coworker humor)

Having been declared nonessential at work, I have had two full weeks of unpaid, unplanned vacation. I am sure many of you across the district and the country are in the same boat. And while this whole situation is not ideal, I have been trying to enjoy my unexpected time off. Below are some of the things I have been doing to keep busy and sane, SR style.

1. Drink 

Inspiration?

This is obviously number one on my list when I have inordinate amounts of free time.

Have you seen the great deals offered to furlough employees? These bars are practically giving it away for free! Head to any hill bar and you are bound to see many non-essentials hanging out. Here’s a list, and this  one and this one, in case you’ve been in the dark. Personal recommendations include Capitol Lounge (free draft beer with government ID) and Vendetta (free prosecco with government ID!)

2. Snapchat pictures of your day to your working friends and fellow bloggers

It makes them jealous and makes you seem cooler.  Bonus points if you do it multiple times in one day. I know the fellow SR ladies have been quite happy to receive photos of my day drinking.

3. Exercise

But really, though. All that drinking adds up pretty quickly, not to mention that you have absolutely nothing else to do. I for one decided to kick off a new “healthy” lifestyle this furlough (minus the booze). I have been running on the nice days and doing indoor strength workouts on the other days. By the way, I am currently obsessed with Blogilates, a totally free YouTube workout series with a bubbly host that will actually bring you to tears, but in the best way possible ( I did the one below today and holy crap it hurt!). Take this time to establish healthy habits that you can carry over into the working days, and burn off some of those beverages. Its also nice to get out of the house once in a while.

4. Furlough fundays! Adventures!

This is the time to do wacky things with your friends that you don’t usually get to do. Go out on a tuesday? Check out a new gallery? (yes, the Smithsonians are closed, but several other museums have stepped up and are open and free) Perhaps go on a brewery tour in a part of town you have never explored — I checked out 3 Stars Brewing Company, and had a great time learning about the science of beer making and getting inappropriately intoxicated at 2 PM.

5. Embrace your inner domestic goddess

I never have time to really cook or bake like I wish I could.So these past few weeks have been very domestic!  I’ve made crockpot meals, big chopped salads, muffins (these ones!) and baked goods galore. I deep cleaned my carpets, washed my baseboards, and cleaned my closet. Got a project you want to start? Now’s the time! I made (and failed at) several pinterest crafts, and finally started my photo gallery wall project. There are so many hours in the day when you aren’t working!

6. Take some “me” time

(Not this kind of facemask, though)

Think of these weeks as perpetual “me” days, the mental health days you are forced to take. Revamp your wardrobe, take naps, do your nails, deep condition your hair, etc. Recently, for example, I took a full bath WHILE giving myself a facial. And yes, I was drinking wine at the same time. Pamper evenings/days will make you feel better about yourself and enjoy this time off.

7. Drink more, with your fellow furlough friends

Those specials I mentioned? Its more fun to bring friends along to those. Each few days, my fellow furloughees and I would pick a different area and bounce from bar special to bar special. We got to try some fun new places, explore different neighborhoods, and take advantage of the best deals! Bonus points if you can link this up with free food deals as well – for example, all the Jose Andres restaurants are offering a FREE sandwich to furloughed workers. I went to Oyamel yesterday, and got an awesome quesadilla. (To wash it down, I bought a margarita, so I felt really good about it!)

8. Sleep as much as you please

I slept in till 11 today. I felt like I was in college again.

9. Catch up on the your shows or start a new one

You finally have time to finish up this season of Doctor Who! Or catch up on Scandal, start watching House of Cards, etc. Whatever your fancy, Netflix and OnDemand will get you through these dark lonely days. I can personally recommend Coupling – it is like a British version of How I Met Your Mother. Another good one to start is Firefly (Joss Whedon genius, and only one season plus a movie to catch up on! Belle En Route would approve!) The best way to describe that is the wild west, but in space.

10. Cleanse your liver. You’ve done a lot of drinking!

For example, eat mustard greens. They detoxify your liver. I also recommend a healthy kale and banana smoothie in the morning! Your body will thank you. Hydrate, try to eat healthy, and take care of yourself. The fall is only going to get more intense, and cold and flu season is coming up!

I hope these tips help you survive this government shutdown and make being without work and pay a little better. Fingers crossed that our back pay gets restored and we can once again join the productive, working world!

Do you have any other tips for me and fellow furloughed peeps? Tweet them at us @stoprequesteddc or leave them in the comments below

Until then,

XOXO

Capitol Jill

The New Friday

9 Oct

By Belle

When did Thursday become the new Friday? The answer, as we all know, is college.

So many of those nights began with an innocent text message saying some guys at Theta Chi were going to drink a few beers while watching the game. But those “few beers” turned into tequila shots really fast… Before you knew it, you were one of 80 other people crammed into the kitchen watching that kid from the tennis team do a keg stand for 18 seconds before collapsing on top of his friends.

You hated any person that responded to your mass text by saying “I have to be up early! I have Comm at 9:30”. Really? Do you really need that much focus for a communications class? I don’t think so. This is why you don’t schedule anything before noon on Fridays.

Those were the days… But then we graduated and were forced into growing up.

tumblr_mtlp8ar9IN1svlbsko1_500

Suddenly hangovers became a lot more painful. People weren’t so keen on going out super late on a weeknight. Skipping work to lay in bed with a bucket of advil simply wasn’t an option anymore. Maybe it was a sign of maturity? Overall, I thought Thursday nights were lost…

But on the 5th day, God created kickball.

Fan war face of victory reaction

If you live in DC, you what I’m talking about. For those of you who don’t, let’s put it this way: Kickball is how 20-somethings in the district justify making bad decisions. It’s 6+ consecutive weeks of weeknight drinking, shameless flirting, endless rounds of flipcup, and a revival of all those gym class skills you thought you were finished with.

Let me just give you an example for how this past week went…

In the fall, kickball is played at night with glow in the dark bases and balls, and everyone gets to wear glowsticks. Game time is another word for pre-game. It was the bottom of the second inning when the first round of fireball shots were poured. By the end of the game, we were feeling pretty good. Plus, we won. So there was all the more reason to celebrate.

The bar we went to afterwards was packed. There were over 700 people from the different kickball leagues crammed into one place. Which can only lead to good things. Pitchers of budlight began to appear immediately, and after downing the initial glass, the first of many flipcup tournaments ensued. It’s like reliving your Junior year of college post-football game parties.

I have mentioned this already: Shameless flirting.

20 Life Lessons We Learned From "Gilmore Girls"

There was a guy there from a different team who was mildly interesting. We hit it off – maybe because the drinks kept flowing… To be honest, I’m not quite sure how I ended up deciding it was a smart idea to leave with him. Apparently I told my friend that I was “sober enough” to make this kind of decision. Editor’s Note: I wasn’t.

The next thing I remember is waking up at 5am… on a couch… in MARYLAND.

Freaking Maryland.

Reaction GIF: eye roll, are you kidding me?, despair, Krysten Ritter, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 
Judging by the fact that I woke up alone on a couch, I guess that means Drunk Me was a prude. Win.

F-Yeah

Luckily the hangover pang didn’t hit immediately, but the disorientation did. Using the light from hallway that fed under the door, I found myself crawling from the couch to what I hoped to be a bathroom. But after barging inside, I came face to face with his roommate. Oops. I can only imagine what I looked like to him. My hair sticking out in a hundred directions, eyes red from sleeping in my contacts, with a glow in the dark necklace wrapped up and down my right arm. Classy.

 

I then turned my attention to finding my shoes. This proved to be a very difficult task, given the fact that one was on top of the television, but it’s ultimately how I found my “kickball friend” – passed out on his bed. Pulling myself together, I poked him until he woke up and asked where the nearest metro was. Fortunately it was just down the street. Gentleman that he is, there was no offer to walk me there.

Fine by me. Not only does he not get any, he also can’t have my number.

oh snap (28) Animated Gif on Giphy

At roughly this time, the hangover set in. I stumbled down the stairs of his apartment onto the street. However I wasn’t sure if I was walking in the right direction. Clever me thought it would be smart to flag down a car and ask. One car slows down and pulls up next to me. After clarifying that I am in fact going the right way, I begin to turn back. But that’s when the driver says: Hey! You’re that girl from the apartment!

Yup. His roommate.

 

“Yeah… that’s me. Nice to meet you too.”

I promptly scampered away and caught the next train into the city.

It made me wonder… Am I getting too old for this? As I said, I have had my share of embarrassing Thursday nights. But I thought they were over. Yet, here I am, with my stack of advil (this time at my office instead of my comfy bed), avoiding eye contact with most of my co-workers, and frequently swallowing budlight upchuck (Shut up – you know exactly what I’m talking about).

Dear Thursdays,

Welcome back.