Tag Archives: Dating in dc

Say Yes to the… Second Date!

3 Jun

by Stacie Smack

Summer is back in full force in DC, which (as we’ve mentioned before) means that the SR ladies are on a mission to go on as many dates as possible. Belle is leaving us all in the dust, having already gone on 4 or 5 first dates. The stories will eventually end up immortalized here because they are too good to be forgotten, yet they are not mine to tell, so you’ll have to wait a little longer.

Most of these dates happen due to the existence of a thousand and half dating apps. Aside from Tinder, the SR ladies have (finally!) gotten into CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel), a personal favorite of yours truly. Despite my lack of success stories, I know several individuals who’ve had ranging levels of success on the site, and I think we can have them too.

The thing is that with any dating site, you’re going to get a varied range of first dates and I promise you only 1 out of 5 will actually be mildly successful. Dating is hard. People misrepresent themselves online (LIE) to give a better first impression. What you think will make you compatible may not actually mean that you’ll be able to talk for three hours.

Dating is hard.

However, after hearing the date recaps from several ladies, I couldn’t help but wonder, are you giving the guy a chance?

I mean I totally get it, if the guy is missing his four front teeth and failed to mention that, and he also doesn’t directly look at you in the eyes for the entirety of your lunch date, well then maybe you’re not being too picky. Bad dates happen all the time.

But when I hear my friends say things like “there was no spark” or “he drank less than I did” or “there were some awkward silences”, I want to yell at them so loudly, because ladies, let’s be real. IT WAS JUST A FREAKING FIRST DATE!

Here are the facts: he was nervous too, online dating is awkward so there will be silences! Honestly, there probably wouldn’t be a spark either with the guy at the bar if you hadn’t been 3 fireball shots in already. He’s someone you know NOTHING about, so maybe he drinks less and you didn’t know that. Or maybe he is more focused on getting to know you than pounding down G&Ts.

I just think that there is so much time between when you first find out about each other and when you actually go on a date, that by that point your expectation of who this person is will NEVER match the person that actually is sitting in front of you, because your expectations don’t account for nerves, for having had a bad day, for being shy at first impressions, and I could go on forever.

So as long as he has most of his teeth, and he didn’t lie about his height by more than three inches (the average number by which men increase their height online), and he showed up on time, and made you laugh a few times, can we agree that it was not a bad date?

Therefore, I make one plea to you if you come out of a date feeling meh but not blegh: SAY YES TO A SECOND DATE!

I mean honestly, a second date barely implies anything more than a first one does: there’s no written expectations about sex, labels, or even kissing! I mean when was the last time you went on two dates and started calling someone your boyfriend? When was the last time you went on two dates???

Two dates is still few enough to fade a guy out, and yet it’s a second opportunity for both of you to give and get a second, better, more you impression. It’s another weeknight with plans with someone who’s not your same 7 friends, and it is definitely NOT anything more than just a second date.

So to my dear ladies, text the guy, get another drink, so that you actually feel confident that you actually have zero interest in the guy, rather than unmet outlandish expectations that you’ve only ever seen on TV.

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The Real Villain

21 Mar

Doesn’t everybody lovehate Carrie Bradshaw? I do. I like a lot of things about Carrie – her shoes, her hair (I know), her cute little run across the street. But there are also many many things I dislike about Carrie. How mean she is to Aiden, her sober chain smoking habit, and the fact that she can’t help but wonder about every damn thing.

It’s been ingrained in our heads since circa age 14 that we should strive to be one of the SATC girls; nobody wants to be Miranda, nobody wants to admit they’re not as sexually active as Samantha and pretends her behavior is appalling, and not everybody can be Charlotte, so most of us become a self-proclaimed Carrie-Charlotte hybrid. One trait of Carrie we all seemed to inherit was the whole overdramatic thinking thing.

The 21 Most Melodramatic Things Carrie Bradshaw Ever Said

Alright ladies, let’s all admit it. We can be a little crazy. Mainly when it comes to men. Some of us more than others. And those of us that are extra crazy give those of us that are less crazy a bad name…….

Oh who am I kidding we’re all pretty batshit.

23 Problems Only Kids Of Immigrant Parents Will Understand

I’ve done  some downright psychotic things to get a boy to pay attention to me/come over at 2am/be forced to refer to me as his girlfriend/ask me to formal/etc. Some of these things I am not proud of. Some of them terrify me. Some of them are hilarious. Some of them should have branded me a stalker. WHATEVER. (Kidding y’all – I wasn’t that bad. But I did once burst into tears in a bar when the boy I was hooking up with said hi to my friend and not me. He had to escort me out of the bar and to my bed…which he obviously got in. They’re shameless too.)

So I’m pretty familiar with my friends being crazy with guys and all. A very preppy/upper middle class/predominantly white university in the Midwest will [to nobody’s surprise] surround you with some pretty crazy bitches. As I’ve mentioned before, when “He’s Just Not That Into You” came out as a movie, I quoted that to my friends all day every day. Unsurprisingly, a lot of the psycho shit we did in college has followed us to our postgrad years. As we enter our mid-twenties, the stakes are higher and our former typical sorority girl habits have reared their ugly heads, morphed, and are back with a vengeance.

How many girls have I watched go on a few great dates with a guy, imagined monogramming their future towels, only to be told “next week’s not gonna work for me – I’m out of town….indefinitely.”? Far too many. How many girls have I watched get right back on their feet and say “Meh. His loss!”? Not many. How many girls have I watched eat too many carbs, drink too much vodka, and wind up in the bed of a hairy, dirty fingernailed, cargo pant wearing boy in god knows where Virginia? Way, way, WAY too many (myself included).

Listen. I’m all about getting over someone by getting under someone else (thanks Gossip Girl). But please ladies, do not lower your standards. Do not beat yourself up. I promise you, life does go on. I have had my heart broken. I have been so earth shatteringly upset over a breakup that I didn’t think it was possible to go on. When I broke up with my boyfriend from high school, I thought my life was O V E R. Looking back now – WHAT IN GOD’S NAME WAS WRONG WITH ME? Let’s not get into the winners I picked in college or even after.

And. I love you girls, but why are we always turning the guy into a villain? Read this ThoughtCatalog article I stumbled upon earlier this week. The writer asked a bunch of guys why they rejected her. And man, the truth can hurt, but the truth shall also set you free, right? As our hero learned, maybe you didn’t DO anything wrong! Maybe you weren’t responsive to his texts while trying not to appear desperate, so he thought you weren’t into it. Maybe he is a strict vegetarian and you’re a meat lover. Maybe it even comes down to the simple trait we often find in the District, you’re a card carrying member of the GOP and he worked for the Obama campaign, and he just  literally can’t with that. Sure, men can be skeezy, rude, smelly, and sometimes downright mean. But not always. Just like those crazy chicks who give us all a bad name, guys can get a bad rep too. I love a good Southern gentleman to coddle me and treat me like a lady. I appreciate the truth. If he’s not into it, sure I’d like to be told. But what if, like you, he’s not good at communicating? What if he’s embarrassed? Shy? Scared of being hurt? What if he’s NOT mean and just  says he’s busy, slowly goes off the map, and you finally realize he’s not into it after 2 dates?

Should you be heartbroken? I’m not going to tell you yes or no. But I am going to tell you to stop beating yourself, and the guy up. Things happen. Relationships work. Relationships don’t work. It’s trial and error. It’s science. Dating is science! I’m also going to tell you that if he pulls this behavior after 15 dates and sleepovers, he’s a commitmentphobe, and he may be a little bit of a jackass. But he doesn’t necessarily deserve a scarlet letter. Take a look at what happened. Maybe he is a jackass. Maybe you’re a control freak. History repeats itself, and you don’t want crazy creeping in to every potential relationship that comes down the pike.

Am I making sense? Am I rambling? Here’s my point: don’t be that girl. The girl that dwells and cries herself to sleep and goes on an anti male tirade because your monogram was perfect and he has a twin so maybe you’ll have twins, just because you didn’t hear from him again after your second date. Don’t do it to yourself, don’t do it to your friends, and don’t do it to your future.

There are exceptions to the statements I’m making. I love to fantasize about monograms. I love that he’s a twin and that maybe that increases the chances that I’ll have twins. It’s only natural to think about these things as, like I said earlier, the stakes to our dating games are getting higher. But if there’s no spark? Why force it? Besides, aren’t we all holding out for Ryan Gosling anyway?