Tag Archives: boys

State of the Stacie (and her Love Life)

8 Jul

Interesting (to me) things are happening in Stacie’s mind right now.

As I may have mentioned before, after 1.5 years of “meeting” as many high caliber DC men as possible on a weekly basis and one dragged out casual-hook-up-turned-obsession, I decided to give the whole exclusive thing a try.

Eight months later, I’m still kind of digging it. As the SR ladies know, I’ve had crazy fluctuating feelings about it, from tears worried that he wanted to dump me to moments of anger wishing I could dump the dweeb. Super stable, obvi. But lately, I’ve started getting more into it, wishing he was in my bed more often, not wanting to leave his place on Sunday, well you get the idea.

Just based on the last few weeks, I have a sense that he wants to tell me he loves me. Maybe I think too much of myself, but I don’t think that’s what it is. The fact that my reaction to this feeling is that I’m worried has made me ask myself a lot of new questions that I didn’t expect. And because this blog is just an exercise in self-indulgence, I will share my thoughts and questions.

I don’t think I can say it back. Honestly, I don’t know if I do or don’t. There are things about him that I like a lot. There are things about him that I can’t stand. Ultimately, I know he’s not someone I “want to end up with”.

And what baffles me is that I hate saying that. I hate the tendency that relationships have to be framed in that context. Why does it have to be about ending up with someone? Why can’t we just date and hang out now in the present and really like each other until we don’t anymore? Well, because maybe he’s 27 and that’s equally as close to 24 as it is to 30 and his friends are starting to move in with their significant others, and because I hear so many stories about people who “wasted three years” dating someone.

I don’t think it’s wasting time if you’re dating someone who you don’t intend to marry. I mean, I don’t think most people decide who to date exclusively based on marriage potential, do they? I don’t even want to get married, so does that mean that I shouldn’t date? Obviously not. Hopefully. But what if he does? What if he’s like so many other guys I know that strangely like to break up with girls by saying “I just can’t see myself being married to you”. Am I being mean to him by making him think that this is the “real thing” or whatever when that’s not at all where I stand?

Perhaps, the solution to this problem is actually talking. If we each bring up our feelings and wants and needs in life, all of these questions could be answered right? But let me remind you that I am the girl that when asked how he could introduce me to his friends I responded with “your pimp, number 1 slam piece, or madame of the night”. And then we literally never talked about it again. So as you can see, the likelihood of us having an honest conversation about things is not something I see in the horizon, unless I’m wasted.

And maybe, my inability to talk about things sheds some more light on the situation. Shouldn’t I feel comfortable and able to talk about things with the guy I’ve been seeing for eight months exclusively? Honestly, I don’t think I ever will. I’m not someone who who likes talking with anyone! Imagine having to talk about feelings with the guy that I let “pound me so hard” on a weekly basis.

Am I going to look like an asshole if I can’t say I love you back?

Is it dragging him along if I know I don’t want to date him forever? Despite the fact that I do legitimately like him and I am really enjoying being with him?

For now, I’m just relishing how good things are going. I’m letting him treat me like no guy has ever treated me before. I’m letting him show me things he likes, I’m taking him out to eat to places that I enjoy, I’m loving the sex, and I’m giving into spending an entire Sunday wearing his shirt, watching Game of Thrones, and eating chinese food, without stepping foot outside. And it is good.

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An Unusual Double Standard

1 Jul

“Ugh, he just loves me SO much. I can’t even”, I say to my friend Meghan for the third time in our 45-minute long daily phone conversation, which in case you were wondering covers anything from relationship to metabolism statuses.

Yes, I am annoyed that this man is being too available, giving me too much attention, and treating me too well. I can’t really understand it… I obviously am sick of being treated like dirt, over and over again. Shouldn’t I welcome this change?

I haven’t yet figured out what’s going on, but a long time ago, Betty and I drew an interesting parallel that we’ve observed in our statistically significant sample (ie. our 20 friends).

Being easy.

Every woman reading this right now can probably accurately define being easy as a woman. And though we probably don’t call men easy, we can probably think of at least one guy who is. What do I mean by this?

A woman is easy when… she sleeps with a guy on the first date.

A man is easy when… he texts immediately after a date telling you he had a good time.

A woman is easy when… she goes home with a dude from a bar.

A man is easy when… he is willing to rearrange his schedule to go on a date with you.

A woman is easy when… she’s willing to be a 2am booty-call.

A man is easy when… he tells you he likes you.

A woman is easy when… a guy can kick her out of her apartment at 4am and she does leave.

A man is easy when… he just wants to cuddle you when you show up at his place drunk at 2am.

Obviously these are outrageous generalizations (and really weird ones). But you get the idea… So many of us get turned off by guys who are willing to put forth their emotions and actually show interest in us. I don’t mean the clinger who thinks that two dates makes you his boyfriend. I mean the guy who’s always willing to sleepover at your place, without ever asking you to go over. The guy who buys you a thoughtful christmas present, even though you got him nothing. The guy who’s willing to drive you home on the weekend, so that you don’t have to wait for the metro.

I spend a lot of time being angry about the fact that having a very active sex life played by my own rules categorizes me as “slutty”, “easy” and “undateable”. And yet, I am a huge hypocrite who judges guys negatively for not insulting me at a bar, or not wanting to go home with me from the bar but rather just wanting my number. We need to stop doing both things. A guy is not referred to as neither slutty or easy when he behaves like I do. Let’s stop calling women that! And a woman is not undateable when she gets a guy a thoughtful gift or keeps his favorite beer in her fridge.

Why should men then be undateable when they are emotionally available?

Why should women be undateable when they manage their sex lives how they want to?

I’m not saying that we need to start a movement to defend men, BY ANY MEANS. Those little shits definitely don’t need our help in life, amirite? But I guess I do think it’s an interesting dichotomy in the blogiterature of dating and relationships, and such.

The Just Fine First Date Conversation Guide

12 Jun

Well, it’s official: Betty’s no longer an online dating virgin. I went on a date last week via Coffee Meets Bagel, a Stacie-endorsed online dating app, and I survived. Go me.

The date itself was okay. Really, there was nothing wrong with it – the guy looked like he did in his profile, he had all his teeth, he had a job, and conversation flowed fine.

But if I’ve learned anything from the professional schmoozers that run this city, it’s that making conversation isn’t that high of a bar. Indeed, anyone can make conversation in #thistown. It doesn’t mean there’s a spark, and it doesn’t mean the date was a home run.

In fact, it feels like conversation on these just-fine-but-that’s-it dates is sadly predictable. And if you’re not into it, it’s really easy to just converse at the lowest acceptable level – even if you’re the best of conversationalists. If your date is just fine and neither of you give a fuck, here’s what you’ll almost definitely talk about:

Whether you’ve been here before. It’s a great harmless opener. You look around appreciatively. “I’ve never been here before but my friend Jim loves it! Great suggestion!” [Alternative: “Oh wow I’ve only ever been here for brunch! I’m so excited to try it!]

How you got here. This is also another safe conversation starter. I am guilty of employing it as an awkward way to ease into the conversation. It’s literally the most boring thing you could bring up so no wonder I’m single.

Token metro complaint. 

You waited TWELVE MINUTES for the red line???

Where you live. This will allow you to make all of the conversation about your favorite bars and restaurants in that area, your coworker who lives there and you went to a party there once, on and on. The sky’s the limit. Just don’t make a face when you find out it’s Gaithersburg. Or do.

How you got here. Nope, not a repeat of above. I mean how you got to DC. How you made it big in #thistown, if you will. Note that you’ve gotten this far with only purely surface conversations. I bet you’re halfway done with your beer by now! You almost get to leave!

What you do. I mean obviously because #DC, but actually I have a lot of respect for people who don’t ask about this in the first five minutes. My recent date was one of those people, so props to him – although that was admittedly preempted by the fact that Coffee Meets Bagel profiles include your employer because they know that we’re all job snobs. Sigh.

College. Now I realize why no one shuts the fuck up about college. It’s because a) it’s the last time any of us was interesting and b) (relatedly) it’s the perfect safe conversation topic. You went to college? Oh thank god me too. Tell me about it! Tell me about your late night food adventures and all nighters in the library and your spring break trip. I’ll just listen. It’s easier that way. Keep talking!

Do we have to talk about it?

Running and/or fitness. Seriously, fuck this town for being so fucking fit and making me feel like I always need to be on an intense fitness regime or at least planning on starting one. The upside of that is that your date probably feels the same way so you can probably find some common ground talking about how you really want to run a half marathon but you just weren’t sure if you could do it and then sigh your knee got fucked up. NO WAY! ME TOO! [Side note: my Coffee Meets Bagel date was totally intense and was modestly talking about 50 mile runs or some shit. GOOD. BYE.]

 

There you have it. I hope to God at least one of those generated some conversational detours along the way, but I guarantee you you hit most or all of those between gulps of G&T as you attempt to figure out if you can see yourself ever sharing your life – or at least your bed – with this person.

DISCLAIMER: I am not advocating that these are things that should be discussed on a date. What I have provided is a literal recipe for a mediocre date. WE CAN DO BETTER! On the best first date I can recall, we talked about everything from celebrity crushes to favorite Mexican restaurants to stupid movies we liked. Be the change you wish to see in your dates, ladies. But just know that they can’t all be winners. And remember that at the end of even the most boring date, you always – always! – get to go home.

 

 

 

Say Yes to the… Second Date!

3 Jun

by Stacie Smack

Summer is back in full force in DC, which (as we’ve mentioned before) means that the SR ladies are on a mission to go on as many dates as possible. Belle is leaving us all in the dust, having already gone on 4 or 5 first dates. The stories will eventually end up immortalized here because they are too good to be forgotten, yet they are not mine to tell, so you’ll have to wait a little longer.

Most of these dates happen due to the existence of a thousand and half dating apps. Aside from Tinder, the SR ladies have (finally!) gotten into CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel), a personal favorite of yours truly. Despite my lack of success stories, I know several individuals who’ve had ranging levels of success on the site, and I think we can have them too.

The thing is that with any dating site, you’re going to get a varied range of first dates and I promise you only 1 out of 5 will actually be mildly successful. Dating is hard. People misrepresent themselves online (LIE) to give a better first impression. What you think will make you compatible may not actually mean that you’ll be able to talk for three hours.

Dating is hard.

However, after hearing the date recaps from several ladies, I couldn’t help but wonder, are you giving the guy a chance?

I mean I totally get it, if the guy is missing his four front teeth and failed to mention that, and he also doesn’t directly look at you in the eyes for the entirety of your lunch date, well then maybe you’re not being too picky. Bad dates happen all the time.

But when I hear my friends say things like “there was no spark” or “he drank less than I did” or “there were some awkward silences”, I want to yell at them so loudly, because ladies, let’s be real. IT WAS JUST A FREAKING FIRST DATE!

Here are the facts: he was nervous too, online dating is awkward so there will be silences! Honestly, there probably wouldn’t be a spark either with the guy at the bar if you hadn’t been 3 fireball shots in already. He’s someone you know NOTHING about, so maybe he drinks less and you didn’t know that. Or maybe he is more focused on getting to know you than pounding down G&Ts.

I just think that there is so much time between when you first find out about each other and when you actually go on a date, that by that point your expectation of who this person is will NEVER match the person that actually is sitting in front of you, because your expectations don’t account for nerves, for having had a bad day, for being shy at first impressions, and I could go on forever.

So as long as he has most of his teeth, and he didn’t lie about his height by more than three inches (the average number by which men increase their height online), and he showed up on time, and made you laugh a few times, can we agree that it was not a bad date?

Therefore, I make one plea to you if you come out of a date feeling meh but not blegh: SAY YES TO A SECOND DATE!

I mean honestly, a second date barely implies anything more than a first one does: there’s no written expectations about sex, labels, or even kissing! I mean when was the last time you went on two dates and started calling someone your boyfriend? When was the last time you went on two dates???

Two dates is still few enough to fade a guy out, and yet it’s a second opportunity for both of you to give and get a second, better, more you impression. It’s another weeknight with plans with someone who’s not your same 7 friends, and it is definitely NOT anything more than just a second date.

So to my dear ladies, text the guy, get another drink, so that you actually feel confident that you actually have zero interest in the guy, rather than unmet outlandish expectations that you’ve only ever seen on TV.

In which Tinder drains all of my data in a single weekend

28 May

Tinder is like a can of Pringles… once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

While on our girls getaway this past weekend, someone had the brilliant idea to download SR’s new favorite app. Although it is something I typically would not do in DC for fear of accidentally stumbling upon a co-worker or someone else I knew, Myrtle Beach was an entirely different ballgame. Not only was there no pressure to actually meet any of these bros, but we had ample opportunity to troll the crap out of them. Which is precisely what we did.

(Please note that all of these Tinder screenshots actually did occur this weekend…)

Not only did our Tinder-Endeavors provide hours of hilarious story sharing amongst ourselves, but it also showed us the best and worst of men’s attempts to talk to (or hook up with) a girl online.

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There are many types of people that join something like Tinder. I’d say half of them are looking for a random hookup.

 

Another quarter are actually looking for a casual date true love.

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And the final quarter are being trolls and seeing just how interesting the conversation can get (HELLO, that might be me).

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Bojangles seemed to be a theme for where we “invited” our men to meet up.

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I guess it all depends on what you’re looking for. Personally, I’m looking for entertainment. And luckily, there are plenty of men on Tinder willing to provide just that.

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One of our most interesting revelations is that it takes a good deal of skill to be good at Tinder. You can have a gorgeous #selfie of yourself wearing an American flag bathing suit in front of the Eiffel tower (actually spotted) and yet be unable to carry on little more than a sub-par conversation. In my (granted limited) experience, it’s highly unlikely that your Tinder match, even the ones that are just looking to get some, will want to stick around for more than 10 minutes when you can’t put basic sentences together.

As long as you make it past the initial “swipe”, being clever and ironic are just as essential to your online lover as the ability to flex your biceps. And I thoroughly enjoy a man who can outsmart me – or can at least take a joke and keep up!

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Overall, my Tinder weekend has been an enlightening experience. I have considered putting myself on hiatus while back in DC, but I guarantee that whether it’s Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, or whatever the next big dating app is, the SR ladies will cover it for you. Worst case scenario, this happens?

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We know you’ve got your own stories, and we desperately want to laugh at them with you. So send them to us on twitter @StopRequestedDC or in the comments below!

XO,

Belle

 

The 17 Steps of Online Dating in GIFs

13 May

by Stacie Smack

1. You hear a great success story from a friend of a friend.

2. You decide, if she can do it, so can you!

3. Realize there are approximately 5,000,000 different sites…

4. Pick OkCupid.

5. Face the “blank slate” that you’re expected to fill in with a quirky, yet honest, yet funny, yet with a hint of I’m-looking-for-love tone.

6. Give up.

7. Choose Tinder.

8. Spend the next five hours at work swiping until you realized you forgot to eat lunch.

9.Exchange some texts with a cute guy with a paycheck until you learn that he lives in Baltimore.

10. Get matched with your supervisor, Jim.

11. Give up.

12. Join Coffee Meets Bagel.

13. Find it equally as stressful to summarize yourself in 3 bullet points.

14. Get SUPER excited at 11:55 about your upcoming “bagel” person!

15. Get awful matches for the next two weeks.

16. Go on  a terrible date with a guy you met in one of the 14 platforms you’re now on.

17. Meet your girlfriends at the Brixton after, take fireball shots, and meet a cute guy.

18. End up dating the guy for 5 months.

Break up, Rinse, Repeat.

So… This is a Date?

7 May

I went on a date last night. Except I didn’t realize it was going to be a date.

A friend of mine (*note, Friend) just came back from being out of the country for a year for work. I only knew him briefly before he left, as I had just moved to DC myself. While he was gone, we talked via email and facebook every once in a while and, considering how little time we physically spent together, know quite a bit about the other person now.

Although I always suspected maybe a little bit more than friendship coming from his end, I figured it wasn’t a big deal. It is certainly not uncommon for a guy to have brief moments of “more-than-friendship” feelings towards a girl friend. The solution to this predicament, I’ve found, is being more careful. You don’t want to be considered a “tease” by leading anyone on, but sometimes it’s difficult defining the difference between flirting, and just being friendly. Call it a personality flaw…

But this makes me really mad. I hate worrying that I smile too much around a guy friend, or I touch his arm inappropriately, or I crack one too many jokes in his presence… That’s not me trying to get into my his pants… that’s just me hanging out and having a good time! And I hate feeling like I have to tone-down my normal reactions just because I’m around someone with a penis, just so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.

I unknowingly went on a date last night. “Derek” is a great kid. He’s sweet, intelligent, cute, has a great job, and I actually enjoy talking to him. Although I realize those are the defining features of a guy who I actually would like to date, he is my friend. And I’m still hung up on my ex. And have zero goals in life to start a new relationship which will only end up destroying a friendship.

Derek asked if I wanted to grab dinner at some sushi place. DUH. Of course I want to. I want to hear about his trip and gorge myself in rice and raw fish. But how does that constitute a date? However, he insisted on paying (even when I tried giving the waitress my card) and word-dropped “date” twice during dinner. This was the look I gave each time:

We then watched a really horrible movie at his apartment and chatted about all the cool things he did abroad… I made sure to keep my distance on the couch, and never insinuated that there would be any form of touching during said movie, or after. And yet, he still said the word “Date”. I felt conflicted the entire night. Although I was having a genuinely good time with him, I had to cautiously make sure I was not giving him any reason to think that I wanted anything more to come from that evening…

I don’t know where we stand at this moment. It’s quite a pickle. I mentioned to him, more than once, that I “don’t date”, but who knows where that actually landed in his mind. I just feel like I’m stuck right now. I don’t want to have to over-think texting him asking if he wants to join me and my friends for happy hour…

Why can’t girls and guys just be friends? Is that really so difficult? Is it even possible? There’s an interesting video here that shows how most girls think they can have guy friends, but guys can’t. Is that true? Do I have to re-analyze every current male friend that I have…

I don’t think it’s fair.

Belle.

I’ll Never be Able to Quit You

6 May

by Stacie Smack

It was Saturday night (or I suppose, Sunday morning) and I was having a blast and on my way home with the man I’ve decided I like enough to continue dating. And then Chuck Bass texted. This is an unedited transcript, with some author’s notes.

CB: Where are you this fine evening?

… It’s been weeks. Weeks since you made me feel like a complete idiot after I threw myself at you and you let me get in a cab. I ignored it. And then.

CB: So. what, do you only respond to my daytime texts?

SS: From you, yes.

CB: Would it be juvenile to point out that it’s already dark, so I tricked you? I want to see you before I go

Yes Chuck, it is juvenile.

SS: Where are you off to this time?

CB: London, various other European locales, and Abu Dhabi*. Will you be around this coming weekend?

SS: How fun! Work or pleasure or both? And I’m not around…

CB: Both is always my MO. Fine then I’ll catch up to you the week after. Between you and me, I’m actually moving to Abu Dhabi. I won’t be coming back from this trip…

SS: Congratulations! You had mentioned that that was your goal! Are you so pumped? And we can definitely catch up. Just know you’re not getting any special sendoff. Unfortunately, I’m not in a position to do that.

That was my attempt at being supportive, friendly, and saying, look I’m dating someone exclusively and if I don’t tell you, I won’t restrain myself when I see you because for some odd reason, I can’t say no to you. 

CB: Hell yeah and I’m extremely pumped. What ever could you mean?

SS: I’m done taking my pants off for you…

CB: So wear a skirt.

CB: Jokes, but don’t act like that was just for me. That was for us. But, hey, that’s totally fair. I make no demands.

SS: Haha. Us is not a thing buddy. I threw myself at you for a year. It as time to draw a line.

CB: Touche. I was upfront about being a bad man from the beginning, at least. I recognize being involved with me is objectively not healthy. Maybe I’ll be different in 10 years. Who knows. It’s been an extremely eventful 2 years here. I spent so much time and energy just staying ahead of the constant, wild life changes.

SS: I know. You had a wild two years. I can’t even begin to imagine and I’m really happy that things turned around. I’m just done giving you a pass for it.

CB: Was I cruel to you?

SS: Cruel might be giving you too much credit. But let’s just say my friends don’t think of you very fondly. You drove me crazy and you never cared. And that’s fine. But you know, I needed a break.

CB: Your friends being OUR friends, eh? That would explain why they started acting distant eventually. I didn’t understand that at the time. For the record, I was/am painfully aware of how inadequate I can be emotionally. So I’d compensate with thunderous sexual performances. It’s a great long term strategy.

SS: Not those friends. My other friends. I actually am self aware enough to not taint OUR friends with my own experiences when it comes to you.

You created that distance all by yourself buddy. And thunderous sex? Honestly, it’s not even that big…

CB: Jesus… I don’t think I know them?

SS: My college friends?

CB: Oh I’ve met them. So when does your book come out?

He knows/thinks (depending if I get my shit together) that I’m writing a book. Also that was a POOR attempt at changing the subject, huh?

SS: Not yet. Still writing it. But don’t worry. There’s a page where I just chew you out. It’s glorious.

See link above.

CB: Ah I have to read it! I kind of perversely enjoy getting yelled at. For context, I’d just become single for the first time since I was 18. I didn’t know how to handle it, other than reverting to what I was like back in the day. Perhaps [our mutual friend] can attest… Not an excuse, just an explanation. These are all recent revelations.

SS: That’s why I didn’t push. I was aware of that. So I waited. And waited. And you know. Then moved on.

And that was the end. Maybe I left him speechless. Maybe he stopped caring. Either way I was lying. Obviously, I haven’t moved on. Obviously I mostly forgive everything. But please stop making me feel like you want me. Stop making me feel embarrassed and ashamed at myself when you don’t ask me to go home with you. I don’t want to wait 10 years. I don’t want you to be different. I just want you more often in my life. 

Call me when you’re back in town. Part of me will always be waiting for you.

Three words. Eight letters. Just say them and I’m yours. 

 

*Locations have been changed to I suppose protect this asshole of a man’s privacy.

When you gotta go… you gotta go!

23 Apr

Warning: This article deals directly with poop. No sugar-coating it, guys.

We all do it. Like… daily. It’s a basic bodily function that we shouldn’t have to be embarrassed about. And yet, we still are… Especially as Women. Nine times out of ten, we’re able to be discreet when it comes to relieving ourselves and yet, we have all been in more than one situation where you can’t help it – you gotta go – but it couldn’t be at a worse time. Here are, in my opinion, the top 5 times you wish you could just hold.it.in.

 

5. It’s the middle of the afternoon, and a particularly heavy lunch at Shake Shack has finally hit you. So you scamper off to the restroom and settle in. But just as you’re about to #LetItGo, you hear the main door swush open. And you’re left in a terrible predicament. You’re the only other person in the bathroom, so obviously you can’t place blame on anyone else. So you wait, and wait, and pray you can hold it in, as the Princess takes her good ol’ time fixing her hair and using the actual dryer instead of paper towels… all the while making a mental note for next time to use the bathroom two floors down so that there’s a much lower chance of someone recognizing you when this happens again…

4. Drunk poops are literally the worst. The happy hour celebration for your co-worker’s promotion that ended in another round of shots means that they will be sneaking up on you, often, over the course of the next 24 hours. You find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks the next morning and suddenly you literally cannot do anything else but think about the nearest public restroom location. You not only lose your place in line, but you become that person who has to beg for the store’s key to their single occupancy bathroom that has clearly not been cleaned in 2 weeks and is likely out of toilet paper.

3. Weddings. And not just as the bride – that’s an entirely different ballgame. I no longer have the opportunity to wear fancy cocktail dresses/gowns to formal events like I did back in school. And God knows I’m not important enough to be invited to Galas in DC (but here’s to hoping!). So I take full advantage of dressing up for weddings. And nothing kills my wedding spirit quite like figuring out how to gracefully take a dump surrounded by college friends and the bride’s grandma, while wearing a dress that is way too tight around the butt and impossible to lift properly in order to sit down.

2. Road trips. I mean do I really need to say more? Speaking as someone who spent the last 3 weekends traveling 4.5 hours to and from my hometown, I can lay claim to how awful it is to be 2 miles past the last rest stop when all of a sudden, you feel the panic of having to go. You see the next rest stop is in 28 miles. 28 MILES??? WAIT… THERE’S AN ACCIDENT UP AHEAD??? Who the hell decided to get in a car crash in the middle of the highway NOW??? It becomes physically painful at that point…

1. 6:19am. Bro’s house. He chose you over Obamacare last night, and things swiftly transitioned from watching a sex scene in Game of Thrones, to your own version of it in bed… But that morning after “borrowing” some of his Listerine, and properly putting the toilet seat down where it should be, you suddenly remember how thin his walls are and the completely inconvenient location of his bathroom – approximately 8 feet from his headboard. At that point all you can do is pray that he is a deep sleeper… or just run for the metro. (We recommend the latter option.)

 

Is there anything one can do to counteract these embarrassing, inconvenient situations? Well, I do have one solution that I think is hilarious, and yet, somewhat effective (at least for the stinky part). Poo pourri. Watch the commercial, you will die. If nothing else, it’s small and portable – easy to keep in your purse – and keeps you feelin’ like a lady.

Other than that ladies, shit happens. And we gotta deal.

B.

 

 

The Thirst Is Real

18 Apr

I think it’s clear that I love attention. Not in a psychotic nobody else can speak or shine kind of way, but in a wanting everybody to like me/talk to me all the time kind of way.

When it comes to boys, I’m absolutely all about him texting me all the time, asking me to hang out all the time, wanting to come over all the time…or so I thought.

I recently hooked up with a guy (younger than me – but we’re not gonna talk about that), and now he won’t leave me the fuck alone.

 

Normally, this kind of attention would thrill me. Am I growing up? Am I so not into him that I don’t WANT a personal connection with him, and I’m truly just using him for late night booty calls? In the past, even the guys I EXCLUSIVELY just wanted to hook up with, I still longed for them to text me first, and ask me to get a drink. This guy has thrown me for a loop.

His thirst is unreal. He even hooked up with me after I ignored his texts for over a week, and then texted him at midnight on a Wednesday inviting him over. He was brave enough to ask why I stopped returning his texts and BELIEVED me when I fabricated some tale about spilling a mimosa on my phone. It’s 2014. If I had spilled a mimosa on my phone, I would have gotten a new one in 24, not 168, hours.

Anyway, he won’t leave me alone and I’m so over it. A few weeks ago he asked me to hang out and I told him I was at a party far away and wasn’t available tonight. I shit you not, he called and texted me every 5 minutes trying to find a way to meet up. Yuck. Every time he asks to hang out, I tell him I’m busy, thinking I’m initiating the slow fade. Even when I was OUT OF TOWN, he wanted to chat about how my weekend was going, and make plans for when I got back – I ignored. Homeboy just cannot take a hint.

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Desperation is definitely one of the most unattractive qualities one can posses. Maybe I’m just not into this guy because he’s not playing hard to get, and his clinginess has just turned me completely off.

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So, tell me how I can get rid of this stage 5 clinger without coming off like a royal bitch?

#brohugs