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you spin me right round baby

13 Jun

Last Saturday after a particularly boozy/bougie brunch, I was jammed in an Uber with three boys from U Street to Virginia. In the approximately thirty minutes it took us to make the 4 mile trip, conversation sure got interesting. By interesting, I don’t mean any part of it had me particularly entertained, but my mood did a serious 360 at the sight of something I have been craving for months…

SOUL CYCLE DC!!!

I hadn’t been in the West End area in quite some time (sorry, no reason to stay at the Ritz or bop around with my [nonexistent] puppy at the dog park), and had only heard rumors and read the various articles about the mythical place. I was thrilled. I started screeching and screaming nonsense that none of the boys cared about, who then started lecturing me about how silly it is to pay $20 to ride a bike inside when I could easily waltz over to Capital Bikeshare and ride one around the Nation’s Capital. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (also I didn’t scold them for their casual underpricing of SC, what they don’t know won’t hurt them).

I’ve gone to spin for quite awhile in DC after trying it out in college and my previous home. I wasn’t a total convert until I realized that the Campaign 15 (20………) wasn’t coming off quite the way I had envisioned, and the DC 15 was eerily close to being a part of my life.

I currently go to spin at a smaller studio, and I’m sure I’ll continue going there even after SC opens because they have 2 locations super convenient for me and the price point is definitely more at my level than SC’s. But you bet I’ll make my fair share of appearances at SC. I went a couple of months without going to spin because my budget was tight, and I just wasn’t feeling terribly motivated for tough workouts in general. Since going back I’ve realized how. much. better. I. feel. I truly do enjoy working out, but in order to make it count, and not just waste 45 minutes aimlessly on the elliptical watching Kardashians, I need motivation. And not in the form of my friend running on the treadmill next to me, in the form of a small, fierce woman screaming at me in a dark room with music so loud I’m thinking about my Abercrombie employment days in 2007.

A lot of my friends have asked me how I make it to spin class at 6am during a stressful work week, or at 8am after a night of shenanigans that didn’t put me to bed until 5am. Well, I buy credits in advance and schedule my workouts for the week on Monday. I’m currently out of credits and am not really in the position to buy a ton right now, so I’ve been slumming it this week in my own gym and I can tell. I’m having trouble sleeping, I’m not as energized, and I’ve STRUGGLED to get in a long workout in the morning, instead sleeping in most days, and running downstairs to the elliptical for 20 minutes and having to go back at night to finish up.

Do y’all have tips for me on how to motivate myself more without dropping so much money on spin classes? I love the workout, but it definitely puts a strain on my wallet. If I could cut down to one class a week and fill in the other days with better, worthwhile workouts on my own, I would be thrilled (but would still definitely miss my classes)! Now that it’s summer and I discovered a tennis court right around the corner, I’m hoping my parents can dig up my high school tennis racket and I can get into playing!

Anybody else looking forward to Soul Cycle’s grand opening?

#BROHUGS

 

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Anne’s Signature Travel Look

16 May

I’ve been traveling A LOT lately. Planes, trains, and automobiles. Every Friday, I’ve found myself throwing on the same outfit in preparation for my post-work, weekend adventures.

The Lilly Pulitzer Travel Pant (hello perfectly named) has been an absolute godsend. They transition beautifully from work to a long evening of travel. They’re made to look like nicer pants, but feel like leggings. I’ve gotten so many compliments on them I would wear them every day of the week if I didn’t think anybody would notice.

 

In my more casual office, I’ve been pairing with an old chambray popover, but this J Crew Linen Popover would also do the trick in a more casual environment.

Linen popover in stripe

 

More business casual, formal office? Tuck in this silk top instead.

As for shoes, I’ve been wearing my signature, beloved, and unfortunately discontinued Cece Flats, or Reva Flats (some styles currently ON SALE!).

Cece leather ballet flats

 

This outfit is seriously so comfortable, but does not sacrifice style or class. Especially in DC, you never know who you’re going to run into at the airport, on the metro, running through Union Station, or even as your seatmate.

Tomorrow, I’ll be changing up my go-to ever so slightly, as I’m leaving at 7am Saturday, instead of 7pm Friday, to a tropical locale (okay it’s not that tropical, it’s still in the lower 48), and I have BIG, LATE NIGHT PLANS for tonight. I’ll want to look good while being extra comfy and not worrying about wrinkles. So, I’ll be throwing on my travel pants with a couple changes…

Introducing my new favorite wardrobe staple: The Lilly Pulitzer Skipper Popover

 

UM. Hello perfection. If prints aren’t your thing (leave), they have a solid option as well. Again, I’ll still look like I didn’t roll out of bed, but I’ll be even more supremely comfy on my early AM jaunt south.

To complete this look, I’m going to wear the shoes I’ll be wearing for most of vacation: My  trusty ole’ Jack Rogers

Eep! I’m so excited to jet off tomorrow morning for a quick vacation.

What are your go to travel outfits? My officemates MAY be getting a little sick of my weekly repeat…

A Very KardashiANNE Meltdown

2 May

It’s happening again….social season; sometimes lovingly referred to as Betty’s hookup season, also known as the time when all DC Yuppies come out of hiding and frequent roof tops and 14th street and plan beach getaways and concerts and #NATITUDE outings etc etc etc, ALSO known as Spring and Summer.

Well folks, I’m stressed. And because I’ve recently re-discovered Kardashian gifs, they’re going to help me out here.

 

I’ve been a little absent here on the blog, and I absolutely loathe those people who claim to be so busy all the time, but all of a sudden out of nowhere guys, THINGS just started piling on to me! Allow me to outline my last several, and upcoming weekends:

Ohio, Eastern Shore of MD, D.C. but with a gaggle of 2 groups of visitors on the final weekend of Cherry Blossom festival, Chicago, New York, Ocean City, a much needed solo weekend in DC, Florida, Ocean City (while all my friends jet to Myrtle Beach – judging by this schedule, I will not be able to swing it with work), Ohio, Eastern shore of MD. And then it’s the middle of June. And I will inevitably be planning another weekend in New York. Another college reunion. Another wedding.

15 GIFs Of Scott Disick Being A Douche

 

It’s always something. While I’m doing all of this traveling, I’m having severe FOMO of life here in D.C. doing all the things I listed above! I’ve been turning down invites and backing out of plans right and left. I truly want to see my friends during the week, but between studying for a certain postgraduate exam and taking a class, looking at grad schools, looking into details of A DIFFERENT postgraduate exam, and work, it’s tough! Betty gave me a friendly reminder that I may be over committing myself, and I don’t need to do everything, and she is most definitely correct.

13 Girl Codes The Kardashians Do Their Best to Live By

I can’t pin point the places I need to cut back. I miss life in D.C., I want to focus on friends, having fun, dating, and shopping, and instead I’m focused on getting a 170, what’s appropriate wedding gift etiquette, my next career move, and wondering how yesterday it was December and I was sitting around doing nothing and now it’s MAY and I already have plans for September. I feel like every time I get everything perfectly planned and together and I have a chance to catch my breath, it’s time to start planning something else.

20 Stages Of Taking Buzzfeed's "Which Kardashian Are You?" Quiz

 

I’ve gone through this before, and alas I’ve found myself back here again. How do I deal with my ever-transitioning life? I feel like I just got comfortable in D.C., and now I’m talking about going to school or taking jobs elsewhere come 2015?! YIKES. SOS! HELP! It’s also possible that my constant traveling and stress is stemming from my Karen moment a few months ago (ooo deep!).

Maybe I’ll just take Khloe’s advice. Who wants to rip fireball shots and hook up?

Essential Life Rules The Kardashians Taught The World#brohugs

AB

Things You Need To Be Considered an Adult, Capitol Jill Version

7 Apr

Inspired by this thought catalog post.

So you think you’re an adult, huh?? How do you know for sure?

Adult

 

One way to measure true adulthood-success is by the things that you own. Not in terms of wealth or having money, but the items around your house that are necessary to be considered a true adult, who mixes drinks with more than orange juice and might just have a dinner party now and again.

To assist in this matter, I present Capitol Jill’s List of 7 Things You Need To Be Considered An Adult.

1. A toolkit – as an adult, you at least need a hammer, some nails, screwdrivers (Philips and flat, and of course you should also know the difference!) and a level. If you want to pull some high-level adult maneuvers, you might want a drill as well. Drilling can actually be very empowering, but avoid mixing with alcohol. Carlos Danger can attest that I have mad drilling skills. Take that, hanging rack!

Continue reading

Lifecycle of a One Night Stand

4 Apr

The weather’s getting warm again. Which means, as SR’s Anne so eloquently put it: it’s Betty hook up season again. 

Loyal readers will recall that Betty recently swore off one-night stands. Whatever.

From someone who’s been there, here’s the modern one-night stand, broken down into its constituent parts. It’s a timeless classic.

1. The Realization: “Wait, this is real. I could totally go home with this guy. He, like, WANTS to sleep with me. I’m getting lucky tonight?!?!!?” Yeah gurl. That guy who’s been chatting you up – and you’ve totally been reciprocating – wants to go home with you. Remember how you looked at the mirror earlier tonight and vaguely thought “that shirt’s kinda low cut”? Well there it is. Actions have consequences. Great and sexual consequences.

2. Fake Coyness: This is where you realize that this is totally gratuitous at best, and irresponsible at worst. There is NO REASON to go home with a guy you’ve just met. What if he’s awful? W hat if he has a disease or lives in Crystal City? Home is ten minutes away, and all you have to do is walk away to make this into nothing more than a mildly funny brunch recollection. You smile apologetically and start to shake your head and make excuses…

And yet.

3. Resignation: But then, the voice in your head whispers, what do you really have to lose? Just the credibility of the blog post in which you said you weren’t doing this anymore. And he’s cute. And his friends already left him (poor guy). Why not?

#YOLO

4. Anticipation: You get in the cab. You make some small talk that makes you think maybe this person is actually a worthy human being. I mean, we like had a conversation, right? You pull up and go up the elevator/stairs/whatever. Maybe you pass some roommates getting high on the couch. This is actually kind of exciting. Who knows what awaits you on the other side of his door?

I know. A gross room with clothes everywhere, a few old Rolling Stones in the nasty bathroom, and some books he read in college that make you think, once again, that this person is a real human worth having a conversation with. Hey, a girl can dream.

5. Sexy and you know it: Ok, no matter who the person is, having someone rip your clothes off is ALWAYS going to make you feel amazing and turn you on like none other. It is a truth universally acknowledged.

You will feel like this.

6. The main event: This is where you have sex. It’s probably not that good because (with some important exceptions) foreplay during one-night stands is kind of not a thing. But with any luck, it won’t be actively bad. It will probably feel pretty decent. And hopefully you’re not actually thinking this many thoughts during the actual act, but keep in mind that it’s better than falling asleep alone with a half-eaten burrito bowl and Parks and Rec on Netflix.

7. Sleep. You’re drunk and so fucking tired.

6. The badass hangover: I don’t know about you guys, but I think there’s very little truth to the trope of waking up and being horrified at where you are and what you have done. For me, that comes later. At the moment I wake up, my head is pounding and my stomach’s churning, but other than that, I honestly feel triumphant. Good fucking JOB, Betty. This is going to make a great blog post – and besides, he’s not that unattractive.

6a. [optional] Round 2: This one really depends. In many cases, there will be morning sex, and in some, people are just so tired/hung over/embarrassed/over it that this doesn’t happen. In my experience, morning sex is inferior to The Main Event, but hey, choose your own adventure.

7. Delusion: Okay, time for a moment of real talk. As much as we complain, as douchey as the guys we hook up with are, one thing remains true: with a few exceptions, we will almost always hold out hope that this could go somewhere. Even if ‘somewhere’ is just this grimy apartment, again, at 2 am next Saturday. Hence the awkward departure, pregnant (HAHA SORRY) with possibilities and awkwardness and ambiguity. From exchanging numbers to wondering whether to say “this was fun, let’s do it again” (is that too clingy??!?!) to the great question of our time – DO YOU KISS GOODBYE? – this is where it really becomes clear how weird it is that you don’t really know each other but you know each other. Biblically.

8. Departure. Get the fuck out. Extra awkwardness points if he has to get out of bed and come undo all the locks for you. Not that this has ever happened to me. Ever.

9. The shame shower. Some people talk about the walk of shame (or, let’s be real, the Uber of shame). I would posit that the trip home is for introspection on what just happened – and texting your friends. It is only once you get home and you get into the shower to wash off all the bodily fluids and irresponsibility (seriously, how did my hair get this bad in one night did that guy GREASE HIS SHEETS or something?) that you realize you’re an idiot and it’s probably time to stop being so damn single. But let’s face it, pretty soon you’ll be wasted at a bar unable to find your friends, and you’ll strike up a conversation with some guy and have The Realization. And so, you realize as you attempt to loofah your regrets away, it shall begin again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Jill’s Tips for Weekend Guests

31 Mar

News flash: I did NOT fight with either of my exes this weekend, nor did they fight with each other. While my body is angry at me today, I’d say it was a successful weekend overall!

After this marathon of a reunion weekend, I thought I would share a few of my tips for hosting large groups of people at your house. I’ve done this at least 5 times since I moved into my apartment, and I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it! So in case you have people moving in temporarily, here’s Jill’s Tips for Weekend Guests

Pre-Weekend Prep

Buy toilet paper. Lots of toilet paper – as Belle has described, I have previously ran out of toilet paper during a house party weekend. We had to use paper towels, and it was very chafing. Don’t make this mistake! I recommend something soft, it makes guests feel luxurious

Clean all towels and sheets – people will be sleeping EVERYWHERE, so the more sheets/blankets/pillows you have, the better. Its also a pain to travel with a towel, so I make sure all mine are clean for guests to use.

Prepare your liver – spend the days before the weekend eating healthy, drinking lots of water, and AVOIDING ALCOHOL. Your body will thank you.

Clean ALL your glasses – even things that aren’t usually used for drinking, such as mugs or baking ramekins. Otherwise, prepare to use a LOT of plastic cups.

During the weekend

Do Spot Cleaning – Take half an hour after each party/day drinking event to throw away empties and put things in the dishwasher. This will make things much less daunting when you are so hung over and tired Sunday night that you can barely see straight. It also makes the place look marginally nicer.

Light Candles – put a candle in the bathroom! Something strongly scented. It makes everyone more comfortable and prevents unfortunate smells from leaking into the hallway. Just remember to blow it out before you leave! I usually put a post-it on the door to remind myself of this one.

Here’s what NOT TO Do

DON’T plan out everything extensively beforehand. Your friends will often just want to hang out, nap, and relax. Ask specifically if there is anything they REALLY want to do for the weekend, but otherwise, let things happen on their own.

DON’T buy all the booze yourself. Make other people bring it as well, or you will be broke before you know it.

DON’T Stress. Its going to be a fun, memorable (hopefully) weekend for you and your friends. Enjoy being together, enjoy being young, and have fun.

Wishing you many fun weekends to come. Now go party like like its the early 2000s

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

Drama in the house!

23 Mar

Prepare for anxiety overload.

So this weekend, I am hosting a few college friends. And I couldn’t be more excited to see the two guys staying with me!

But news of their visit spread amongst our gang, and now we have a bit of a problem.

My ex boyfriend, who I’ll call Edward, will also be here this weekend.  And another ex of sorts, Ted, will also be here this weekend. Cue the drama.

Edward was my first kiss, my first love, my first everything. We were together a long time, and I loved him.  Things when south when our lives drifted apart (and when he told me that he didn’t see a future with me. Kthanx) I broke it off, which was rough on both of us, and it really was the right thing.  He sees that now too, I think, but it led to a lot of issues with our group of friends.

It was made worse by the fact that I started “seeing” Ted about a month later in a friends with benefits relationship (another post in  itself. never get in one of those!!). Nasty confrontations followed, and drama ensued. The boys hate each other, and I’m afraid they will hate me too.

I don’t want to fight with them. I do want us all to get along. But I don’t know if that’s possible. Too many scars, too many memories we all share. Last time Edward visited, it went fairly well, until he started driving. We always fought over his horrible driving. So this time, avoiding cars is necessary. But I’m also worried that discussions of things like sex lives and dating will come up, and I don’t want to say anything that will hurt Edward or Ted. Sure, Edward broke my heart, and Ted used to push me around, but I don’t want to hurt them back.

Also, its going to be so awkward! I know that my history with both of them will come up many times over the weekend. I don’t want to answer questions and I don’t want to talk about it, but I’m certain it will.

It’s a hard line to walk. I don’t know if I can do it.

Anxiety overload, people. Any tips on how to hang with exes? Give me advice.

Thank god my SR ladies will be on hand to keep me sane, as always.

And Booze.

give us some tips! How do you handle exes?

The Real Villain

21 Mar

Doesn’t everybody lovehate Carrie Bradshaw? I do. I like a lot of things about Carrie – her shoes, her hair (I know), her cute little run across the street. But there are also many many things I dislike about Carrie. How mean she is to Aiden, her sober chain smoking habit, and the fact that she can’t help but wonder about every damn thing.

It’s been ingrained in our heads since circa age 14 that we should strive to be one of the SATC girls; nobody wants to be Miranda, nobody wants to admit they’re not as sexually active as Samantha and pretends her behavior is appalling, and not everybody can be Charlotte, so most of us become a self-proclaimed Carrie-Charlotte hybrid. One trait of Carrie we all seemed to inherit was the whole overdramatic thinking thing.

The 21 Most Melodramatic Things Carrie Bradshaw Ever Said

Alright ladies, let’s all admit it. We can be a little crazy. Mainly when it comes to men. Some of us more than others. And those of us that are extra crazy give those of us that are less crazy a bad name…….

Oh who am I kidding we’re all pretty batshit.

23 Problems Only Kids Of Immigrant Parents Will Understand

I’ve done  some downright psychotic things to get a boy to pay attention to me/come over at 2am/be forced to refer to me as his girlfriend/ask me to formal/etc. Some of these things I am not proud of. Some of them terrify me. Some of them are hilarious. Some of them should have branded me a stalker. WHATEVER. (Kidding y’all – I wasn’t that bad. But I did once burst into tears in a bar when the boy I was hooking up with said hi to my friend and not me. He had to escort me out of the bar and to my bed…which he obviously got in. They’re shameless too.)

So I’m pretty familiar with my friends being crazy with guys and all. A very preppy/upper middle class/predominantly white university in the Midwest will [to nobody’s surprise] surround you with some pretty crazy bitches. As I’ve mentioned before, when “He’s Just Not That Into You” came out as a movie, I quoted that to my friends all day every day. Unsurprisingly, a lot of the psycho shit we did in college has followed us to our postgrad years. As we enter our mid-twenties, the stakes are higher and our former typical sorority girl habits have reared their ugly heads, morphed, and are back with a vengeance.

How many girls have I watched go on a few great dates with a guy, imagined monogramming their future towels, only to be told “next week’s not gonna work for me – I’m out of town….indefinitely.”? Far too many. How many girls have I watched get right back on their feet and say “Meh. His loss!”? Not many. How many girls have I watched eat too many carbs, drink too much vodka, and wind up in the bed of a hairy, dirty fingernailed, cargo pant wearing boy in god knows where Virginia? Way, way, WAY too many (myself included).

Listen. I’m all about getting over someone by getting under someone else (thanks Gossip Girl). But please ladies, do not lower your standards. Do not beat yourself up. I promise you, life does go on. I have had my heart broken. I have been so earth shatteringly upset over a breakup that I didn’t think it was possible to go on. When I broke up with my boyfriend from high school, I thought my life was O V E R. Looking back now – WHAT IN GOD’S NAME WAS WRONG WITH ME? Let’s not get into the winners I picked in college or even after.

And. I love you girls, but why are we always turning the guy into a villain? Read this ThoughtCatalog article I stumbled upon earlier this week. The writer asked a bunch of guys why they rejected her. And man, the truth can hurt, but the truth shall also set you free, right? As our hero learned, maybe you didn’t DO anything wrong! Maybe you weren’t responsive to his texts while trying not to appear desperate, so he thought you weren’t into it. Maybe he is a strict vegetarian and you’re a meat lover. Maybe it even comes down to the simple trait we often find in the District, you’re a card carrying member of the GOP and he worked for the Obama campaign, and he just  literally can’t with that. Sure, men can be skeezy, rude, smelly, and sometimes downright mean. But not always. Just like those crazy chicks who give us all a bad name, guys can get a bad rep too. I love a good Southern gentleman to coddle me and treat me like a lady. I appreciate the truth. If he’s not into it, sure I’d like to be told. But what if, like you, he’s not good at communicating? What if he’s embarrassed? Shy? Scared of being hurt? What if he’s NOT mean and just  says he’s busy, slowly goes off the map, and you finally realize he’s not into it after 2 dates?

Should you be heartbroken? I’m not going to tell you yes or no. But I am going to tell you to stop beating yourself, and the guy up. Things happen. Relationships work. Relationships don’t work. It’s trial and error. It’s science. Dating is science! I’m also going to tell you that if he pulls this behavior after 15 dates and sleepovers, he’s a commitmentphobe, and he may be a little bit of a jackass. But he doesn’t necessarily deserve a scarlet letter. Take a look at what happened. Maybe he is a jackass. Maybe you’re a control freak. History repeats itself, and you don’t want crazy creeping in to every potential relationship that comes down the pike.

Am I making sense? Am I rambling? Here’s my point: don’t be that girl. The girl that dwells and cries herself to sleep and goes on an anti male tirade because your monogram was perfect and he has a twin so maybe you’ll have twins, just because you didn’t hear from him again after your second date. Don’t do it to yourself, don’t do it to your friends, and don’t do it to your future.

There are exceptions to the statements I’m making. I love to fantasize about monograms. I love that he’s a twin and that maybe that increases the chances that I’ll have twins. It’s only natural to think about these things as, like I said earlier, the stakes to our dating games are getting higher. But if there’s no spark? Why force it? Besides, aren’t we all holding out for Ryan Gosling anyway?

Making a Selection, Making a Connection

20 Mar

“There’s fish in the sea for me to make a selection
I’d jump in if it wasn’t for my ear infection
Cause all I want to do is try to make a connection
It seems I’ve been running in the wrong direction oh”

After a long career-driven stretch of writing about office politics and complaining about my job, Betty’s got boy drama. Buckle up, ladies.

The above Passenger song, and particularly the lyrics at the top of this post, have been on my mind this week. Note how Passenger makes a lyrical contrast between “making a selection” and “making a connection.” Whether or not the adorable Brit meant to do this, I think that he gets at a key difference in how we approach dating and relationships. Are we making genuine, organic, valuable connections? Or are we selecting out of a predetermined pool of fish in the sea? And if it’s the latter,  what criteria are we using to make that selection?

The reason this question has been on my mind is because the newest boy in my life feels….well, he feels like a selection rather than a connection. On the surface, this guy is perfect for me. Before I really knew much about him, I told everyone “OMG, he’s my soulmate” (because clearly that’s what girls do when they barely know a guy. But actually. But that’s a post for another day). And everyone agreed once I described him. Another way of putting it is: he’s marriage material. He’d be perfect to bring home to mom and dad. He checks a lot of the boxes. And yes, I hate to say it, but a lot of those boxes involve the social expectations of the sort of guy someone from my socioeconomic/cultural background and  with my values “should” date. Slash marry. My main appraisal of our compatibility comes, frankly, from things that shouldn’t matter: like how similar our families are, what he believes, where he went to school, what kind of life he (probably) wants. Check, check, check.

The problem?

HE’S LAAAAAAAME. UUUUUGGHHHH.

I don’t want to prejudge the poor guy, and I also don’t want to get into too much gritty detail. But suffice it to say, he’s kind of an awkward dude, his jokes fall flat, and he just seems…kind of all-around boring.

You would think that would be a dealbreaker, right? End of discussion? We don’t have a “connection” (intellectually, socially and mentally that is – let’s leave aside physical connection for another day because that’s just….a whole other ball game).

But what’s bothering me is that it’s NOT the end of discussion for me. And I worry that it’s because I’m letting his “good-on-paper” status influence my thinking. In other words, by going for him, I’m “making a [cynical/calculated/etc] selection out of the pool of available guys, based on a lot of factors that seem kind of superficial. Based on….the guy my friends, who, God love ’em, aren’t in my head or my heart, think I should be with. Based on the guy my mom sees me marrying someday.

Is that just another way of saying “the guy *I* want to marry someday”? Is that what I’m doing? Allowing the ‘meat-market’-y nature of dating in your 20s to override the fact that I’m just not that into him?

There are two versions of this critique. The first is harsher: that I’m dating by resume, that I’m prioritizing surface qualities and therefore giving into social expectations rather than allowing myself to be happy. The second gives me a little more credit, and it’s a little more nuanced: perhaps I’m allowing the ‘surface qualities’ to carry positive weight even while I allow my aversion to his personality to carry negative weight. I mean, both should matter, right? And even if the surface qualities don’t matter, can’t they serve as commonalities that (and shoutout to Stacie for making this point) allow me a little breathing room to explore whether or not there is potential for a deeper compatibility? In other words, I made a selection – can’t a connection grow out of that?

But on the other hand: if I’m not into him, why do I need that breathing room at all?

And thus I go around and around and around in my head. 

This speaks to a larger question that bothers me about dating and relationships: the social expectations (which also turn into personal expectations we have for ourselves) just seem to be so at odds with the ideals of romance that we’re brought up with. Going online where you can slice and dice the data and make the perfect “selection” of guys to message just seems so at odds with the way books and movies tell us we’ll meet a guy – making a “connection” out of nowhere in the line at Starbucks, or what have you.

Similarly, if you glance at the NYT wedding section, you see all these seemingly perfectly tailored couples from similar socioeconomic backgrounds, Ivy League educations, future doctors, etc etc. And you know in the back of your head that that’s the ideal, at least as far as your grandma is concerned. But didn’t any of those perfectly airbrushed girls ever feel like there wasn’t anything to her man behind the glowing NYT bio? Or didn’t any of them ever fall in love with someone whom they absolutely, no way in hell could bring back to Mom and Dad, or even to their best friends?

This is just one aspect of the debate – much of this also overlaps with a very worthy inquiry on dating guys that you know will treat you right versus “bad” or “douchey” guys who will break your heart, but who reel you in all the same. Hopefully the other SR ladies will be able to weigh in on these and other questions in the coming weeks.

Until then, readers, I want to hear your thoughts. How much of dating is by “selection” – and is it a bad thing? Is it even possible in this day and age to make a true “connection” anymore? If not, should we mourn the loss?

Cheers girls,

BB

To Smartphone or Not to Smartphone?

6 Mar

It’s a dilemma for our time. Are smartphones killing us or making our lives better?

Things that are better with a smartphone:

  1. Riding the Metro Waiting for the Metro. Are you kidding me – no iPhone while waiting on the Glenmont side at Gallery Place? By the time the 13 minute wait is over I’ve refreshed Twitter 1300 times. Also, despite the medieval quality of the Metro it’s pretty cool that I get internet on my phone in the actual trains.
  2. Talking to stupid roommates and coworkers. This conversation does not require my full attention. Also, if I’m kinda bent over my phone maybe you’ll realize I don’t actually want to hear about your commute.
  3. Meetings and conferences of any kind. It’s just accepted that you’re allowed to be on a phone during these. I’m taking notes. Duh. I can’t sit through 4 minutes of a meeting anymore without checking my email.

Things that are better without a smartphone:

  1. Watching TV. Seriously, this is revolutionary. How crazy is it that we’ve gotten so used to refreshing our phones during commercials, during credits, and during dull moments of the actual show? No wonder I can’t figure out what the fuck is going on on Scandal, which is probably the lowest IQ drama out there. Last night I watched one of my favorite shows and my phone was in another room, and it was amazing. I didn’t miss anything by way of snarky live tweeting of the show – don’t worry, I checked afterwards (Also, I got the dishes done during the ads).
  2. Eating at restaurants. This one’s a no-brainer, guys. Put that shit away.
  3. Screwing around on the Internet. Ok, time to get meta: I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the concept that I’ll be browsing stupid Internet sites on my computer and then I’ll pause to browse stupid Internet sites on my phone. WHAT THE FUCK MODERNITY. Like, you get a text, and that reminds you that you had a Snapchat, and then all of a sudden you’re reading the Wikipedia entry on sriracha sauce, on your phone, all while balancing your laptop in your lap. What are you doing with your life?
  4. Working. I don’t often answer my texts or look at my phone while I’m at the office. It’s a huge distraction. It can wait. Besides, there’s always Gchat.
  5. Sleeping. We all know this one, but we don’t stick to it: sleeping with your phone by your bedside is terrible for you. Not only does it prolong your drop off to sleep by tempting you to look for that email one last time before bed, it overstimulates you at the time when you need your brain to be relaxing and, frankly, I hate that I wake up, turn off my phone alarm, and immediately start reading my overnight emails. It is a damn depressing way to start your day.

The verdict is in, guys. Throw your smartphone in the goddamn trash, it’s ruining your life.