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Jill’s Tips for Weekend Guests

31 Mar

News flash: I did NOT fight with either of my exes this weekend, nor did they fight with each other. While my body is angry at me today, I’d say it was a successful weekend overall!

After this marathon of a reunion weekend, I thought I would share a few of my tips for hosting large groups of people at your house. I’ve done this at least 5 times since I moved into my apartment, and I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it! So in case you have people moving in temporarily, here’s Jill’s Tips for Weekend Guests

Pre-Weekend Prep

Buy toilet paper. Lots of toilet paper – as Belle has described, I have previously ran out of toilet paper during a house party weekend. We had to use paper towels, and it was very chafing. Don’t make this mistake! I recommend something soft, it makes guests feel luxurious

Clean all towels and sheets – people will be sleeping EVERYWHERE, so the more sheets/blankets/pillows you have, the better. Its also a pain to travel with a towel, so I make sure all mine are clean for guests to use.

Prepare your liver – spend the days before the weekend eating healthy, drinking lots of water, and AVOIDING ALCOHOL. Your body will thank you.

Clean ALL your glasses – even things that aren’t usually used for drinking, such as mugs or baking ramekins. Otherwise, prepare to use a LOT of plastic cups.

During the weekend

Do Spot Cleaning – Take half an hour after each party/day drinking event to throw away empties and put things in the dishwasher. This will make things much less daunting when you are so hung over and tired Sunday night that you can barely see straight. It also makes the place look marginally nicer.

Light Candles – put a candle in the bathroom! Something strongly scented. It makes everyone more comfortable and prevents unfortunate smells from leaking into the hallway. Just remember to blow it out before you leave! I usually put a post-it on the door to remind myself of this one.

Here’s what NOT TO Do

DON’T plan out everything extensively beforehand. Your friends will often just want to hang out, nap, and relax. Ask specifically if there is anything they REALLY want to do for the weekend, but otherwise, let things happen on their own.

DON’T buy all the booze yourself. Make other people bring it as well, or you will be broke before you know it.

DON’T Stress. Its going to be a fun, memorable (hopefully) weekend for you and your friends. Enjoy being together, enjoy being young, and have fun.

Wishing you many fun weekends to come. Now go party like like its the early 2000s


Capitol Jill


After the Fade Away

18 Feb

by Stacie Smack

Some friends and I were recently enjoying some delish food at Ted’s Bulletin on 14. In the midst of my enjoyment, I noticed that seating at the bar directly in my line of vision was a guy I briefly dated last summer, Jason, having dinner with a [male] friend. As soon as I noticed, I started uncontrollably laughing, I tried to hide under the table, and my friends proceeded to discretely turn around [in a very obvious way] to look at him. Similarly, Jason’s friend did a little 360 head spin that lingered too long in my direction. I am confident that it was evident that we were both aware of each other’s presence.

The back story:
We met at Policy not by sucking on each other’s faces. We went on a couple dates before he tried to kiss me – amateur move. He seemed interested and interesting enough – we went on some dates, had some sleepovers, and texted every once in a while. I went abroad for a week, came back, and after some pleasantries about my trip, he blew me off a week later with the classic “I’m really busy and my sister is staying with me” excuse. My response (in classic Stacie fashion) was “well good luck. You know where to find me ;)”, followed by a contact deletion. I never heard from him again. It was a classic case of The Fade Away*.

There’s enough on the topic to know that this is just a way of saying “I’m just not that into you”, but I was still left wondering, in this situation if perhaps I should have gone up to say hi? Or if he should have come over to say hi? I didn’t want to say hi, because my strongest emotion upon seeing him was anger and sadness from feeling rejected. He probably didn’t want to say hi, because we all know that the first thing we think when someone fades us out is that they probably had to go into witness protection and that’s why they stopped texting us. This leads to the question of the post fade away spontaneous run-in: for whom is it more awkward after a fade away? The one who did the fading? Or the one who got faded?

The one who did the fading –
My first instinct is that the one who does the fading has all the power. He/she is the one who gets to make the shot “I’m not interested” under the assumption that the other involved party probably is interested. Power overcomes awkward – Jason should feel good that here’s this girl that HE got to dump.
But upon further over analyzing, it’s perhaps incredibly awkward for him. I mean he now has to face the fact that he can’t go on pretending that I think he moved to Iowa, or that he got hit by a bus. Now, he has to come up with actual believable non-awkward excuses for why he never texted back, “I was really busy” for the last 6 months would not cut it.

The one who gets faded-
As implied above, I felt extremely awkward. I felt powerless. I didn’t have a good explanation as to why he stopped calling, and so the default (as it is with A LOT of women, don’t lie to yourself) is to focus on my insecurities and blame every single one of the things I’ve decided is “wrong” with me. I felt awkward because the first thing I thought he thought when he saw me was “oh there’s that girl, still looking/acting/being the same exact way she was when I decided to end things”.
But, let’s be real. That was probably not his first thought. He probably also turned beet red and felt awkward! Because, here was this perfectly fine girl who he never called again. He hopefully realized that he came off as a coward who was too afraid to tell a girl it’s over so instead went for the disappearing act, not thinking that [YUPie NW + gentrified NE] DC is actually small, and the chances of running into someone you’ve met are pretty high.

Honestly, I’m pretty sure it’s awkward for both people, unless you’re a fairly confident person, in which case very few things are awkward for you. I would like to think that when I become a grown-up, I’ll be able to say hi to people I’ve dated regardless of how things ended. Maybe. Or, I’ll continue to giggle, twirl my hair, fix my make-up and completely ignore him, while trying to make him regret all decisions that led to him never calling me again. Maturity.

If nothing else, listen to my favorite singers and nod your head in agreement:

*Also called sometimes the Fade Out and I’m sure like a trillion other things.

Crimes Against Humanity

24 Jan

*please take this with a grain of salt, my loves. these are merely suggestions based on what i feel appeals to humans’ eyeballs. i’m all about making people feel good and helping others, you know?

Have you ever been personally offended by an outfit?

I have.

And let me tell you, it sure doesn’t feel great. Last weekend, I saw so. many. crimes against fashion, I was forced to do something drastic: call Joan Rivers write a blog post about it.

Ladies and gentlemen of DC, why? WHY? Most of us are gainfully employed by people who care very much about their image (if you claim you don’t, somebody’s lying to you honey). Not to mention, most of us are always on the lookout for potential power moves. Ahem, Betty’s post yesterday? All of that being said, why do some of us dress in the most unflattering, terrifying clothing?!

Dressing well is, contrary to popular belief, not always expensive. One of my favorite places to shop is Target (pronounced Tar-jay, a French couture fashion house, obvs). A few weeks ago at Nordstrom Rack I snagged a $648 blazer for $19.99. Yes. A penny less than TWENTY DOLLARS. 97% off. See?

Please allow me to share some of the horrifying things I saw last weekend.

Flared jeans with converse at a party on a girl my age. And I’m not talking Kourtney Kardashian bell bottomed, wide legged jeans, I’m talking the things of Abercrombie & Fitch circa 2004. Homegirl could have so pulled off her converse with a slightly less sugary sweet attitude, a completely different non-Loft shirt (don’t get me wrong, I love Loft, but her peplum didn’t work here), and skinny jeans. Throw on a casual white blouse, skinny jeans, and a studded necklace with your converse?! YES PLEASE!

Fishnet stockings and a too-short, neon, skin tight skirt with motorcycle boots on a 30+ year old. Honey. HONEY. That may look good on your college aged sister, and I’m not saying it looked TERRIBLE on you, because your body definitely can wear a form fitting skirt. Remember that rule from high school where your skirt had to touch your fingertips? Apply that, plus a few inches after college, ESPECIALLY after 30. The boots cut her off in a very unflattering spot. I’m just saying, she had better options and could have looked HOT.

Remember this picture?

I saw way too many girls wearing the same color nude leggings this weekend. They will never look good on anybody. I understand they are popular. They do not look okay. Thank you.

Now, some are opposed to leggings as pants. I am generally not one of those people. Personally, on me, I prefer my Joes jeans legging resembling pants with zipper and pockets, but on some girls, leggings as pants do look good! That being said, don’t push it. Your leggings should not be able to multitask as tights or to go running. (exceptions: bumming around with your girlfriends, a gross grungy hungover brunch). Parties and bars? Pass on the cropped yoga leggings with boots that barely reach, PLEASE.

I’d probably let Belle wear these.

Boys. Boys, boys, boys. Just a few comments for you.

1. Pull your pants up. Is it the 90’s? Is MC Hammer your close personal friend? What about Justin Bieber? No? Then pull them up. If I want to see your underwear, you will know.

2. What do you need all those pockets in your cargo shorts for? Are you building a house after you go to the bar? Aside from the unnecessary space, they are just simply not flattering, and they are very very casual. Please wear them to do yardwork, that is fine. Back away from me at St. Ex if you are wearing them.

3. Sometimes, sneakers at a bar are okay. Most times are not sometimes.

4. The truest crime of the weekend I saw were CARGO JEANS. On a non-European male. I was not okay. I needed my childhood inhaler. And I just don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust a man ever again.

5. Sometimes men in DC dress phenomenally. Button ups and khakis, I’m lookin’ at y’all.

In sum, dress for your body type, dress for your personality (it’s okay to venture out sometimes! but make sure it still LOOKS GOOD), dress in what makes you COMFORTABLE and CONFIDENT. Don’t show your underwear, and don’t have too many pockets.

How To Survive (Chapter 1): The Birthday Weekend

20 Nov

How To Survive is a new and recurring blog topic/theme that all of us SR ladies will be taking on at some point (similar to I Don’t Support That). Given the timing, I thought it would be appropriate to have the first one be about Surviving Birthdays.

As some of you may have seen via twitter, previous blog posts, or just sheer intuition that something ridiculous was happening, my birthday is today!

Although I fully intend on partying like a rockstar tonight (Karaoke craziness at Hill Country – be there), the celebration of my birth actually began on Thursday with a spontaneous happy hour with co-workers. It swiftly continued into Friday and Saturday with a quadruple birthday party for a few different November babies, and tentatively ended on Sunday with my leg in a knee brace and a popsicle in hand.

Although I am alive today to see myself actually reach the bright age of 24, clearly my weekend left me a little less functioning than when I started out. Thus, I have decided to recount some of the top experiences of this past week and ponder what I did right, and where I probably could have prepared better.

1. DO: Celebrate multiple times! I, like many, did not actually have a “weekend” birthday this year. Which meant I felt the need to celebrate Thursday-Saturday and today, each time with a different group. This works out perfectly when you are trying to spend time with different groups of friends. Because let’s be honest, it generally sucks mixing friend groups. The last thing you want to be responsible for (*ahem* actually you shouldn’t be responsible for anything) on your birthday is dodging between each group to make sure everyone is entertained.

2. DON’T: Unknowingly enter an all night drinking fest with co-workers without being prepared. Spontaneous birthday happy hours are awesome. Don’t get me wrong. But whenever your co-workers decide to take you out on Thursday and you manage to make it to 4 different bars before 11pm, maybe think about just how badly you want that next birthday shot at Mighty Pint. Because you have to rally for the following day… and ain’t nobody got time for a hungover birthday b-iotch.

3. DO: Be friends with awesome party planners. Capital Jill was sweet enough to host a birthday bash for 4 of us who all had birthdays within a week of each other. She made us a cookie cake, had streamers and balloons everywhere, and even reserved spots for us in the bars we went to. So a good tip? Have a friend like Jill on your side.

4. DON’T: Forget your most basic supplies. Jill had everything… Except Toilet paper. Please remember to have enough toilet paper so that you don’t have to switch to paper towels as backup. Chafing on your birthday is not an option.

5. DO: Pay close attention to what you’re eating and drinking leading up to the epic event(s). I knew Friday and Saturday would amount to at least 6 shots each night followed by whatever cheap beer X-guy at the bar wanted to offer me while I was sporting my Birthday crown. So I prepared. Chugging at least a liter of water during the day, and choosing some delicious carb foods at night made sure that my stomach was ready for whatever my liver wasn’t.

6. DON’T: Seriously injure yourself (or at least have a good story for it). As I mentioned, my knee is in a brace. It’s currently the size of my thigh and contains all the colors of Joseph’s Technicolored Dreamcoat (which obvs I can recite). It’s the most beautiful dislocated patella I’ve ever seen… Unfortunately I don’t have a story. I was quite literally standing on the corner of a street (pre-bar scene) and my knee gave out. Darn Genetics… No, that didn’t stop me. Granted, I looked like a fool hobbling along with my arm around Carlos Danger for balance for the next 3 hours, but I still made it to Little Miss Whiskey’s like a champ. Alas, I haven’t figured out if that was necessarily my smartest decision, as now I can barely bend it. #birthdayshenanigans

These, dear readers, are a few helpful hints that I have gathered over the past week on how to survive my own Birthday Shenanigans. I’m sure there are plenty more where that came from. Hopefully by the time another SR birthday rolls around, we will have an entirely new list for you!

Until then,