Archive | June, 2014

Dear Stale Bagels, Where is thy HEAT?

18 Jun

I’m done with online dating.**

After what I’d like to think of as an absurd amount of just okay first dates, almost all of which originating from some kind of online dating app, I might be throwing in the towel. I am in the process of adhering to Stacie’s advice about accepting a second date, because I believe her logic is sound. However, I think as a whole, this online dating thing is just not for me.

Initially the idea of going on lots of dates each week was incredibly appealing.

Coming from someone who has spent 85% of my last 6 years of life in a relationship, I relished the notion of having new conversations with different guys, the anxious butterfly feeling when meeting them for the first time, the opportunity to experience something brand new and not know what to expect! But, and I know this goes without saying, dating in DC is hard.

Most of the months that followed the demise of my 5 year relationship involved a total disregard of typical dating. I just wasn’t interested. I was cool with meeting dudes at bars, semi-poor life decisions, and whatever, but I wasn’t ready to hop on the dating bandwagon quite yet. That’s when my friends discovered Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, Hinge, etc. And I figured #WHYNOT.

My past relationships usually spurned from friendship, or at least mutual activities. Unlike Blind Bagel dates, there was no need to discuss topics like where I’m from, what college he went to, or what we do in our spare time. Conversation flowed easily, and pauses never felt awkward. Why? Because I had already invested in this person. The spark was already there. With online dating, all you have is the hope that something in the initial 45 minutes of conversation will capture your attention enough to stick around for another round of drinks. But more times than not, all I really felt like doing after my first beer was crawling into bed with my iPad and cottage cheese to watch more netflix. That would be 800 times more enjoyable than hearing about their desire to live a more active lifestyle

These guys that I go on dates with aren’t bad (well, most of them aren’t). They’re intelligent, well-traveled, have more or less interesting and stable jobs, and I’m sure have excellent futures ahead of them. So why is it that last night I left a quite attractive and well-spoken date after one drink in a bar because I’d rather watch Inside Combat Rescue with my friend and his dog? I DO NOT KNOW. Other than the fact that there was once again, there was zero spark.

As our wise Betty once said to me, “I think online dating has made it so much about trying out the different guys as if they were dresses and trying to fit them into the right boxes that we forget there IS such thing as an immediate spark.” Personally, I would rather find a guy in a bar who I felt immediate chemistry with, rather than pray that it magically appears while I spill Korean BBQ tacos on my skirt with them at dinner. I’d rather go on a date with someone I already know who I have shared interests with and can talk to, than click “Like” on another sexy 6’3 Jewish man on CMB. The idea of meeting a stranger is exciting – but only until you actually meet them. (Side note, I will always support the sheer entertainment of tinder.) But it doesn’t seem like it’s for me. The question is, will I stop?

The answer, dear readers, is likely a resounding no.

I’ll continue to swipe right, click like, make small talk, and venture on to many more Just Fine dates in the following weeks. Why (besides the fact that I’m getting a ridiculous amount of free food)? Because I’m desperate to think that one time, it’s going to be different. Maybe this guy who talked about making Baklava with his mom will be sweet. Maybe this guy who travels to Europe 4 times a year will be interesting. Maybe this guy with the picture of him playing a piano means he appreciates the same things that I do. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. I’m sure we all know the outcome of this already. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to heed my own advice from my own article.

Thus, I jump back into the never-ending cycle of just fine dates that, if nothing else, result in great brunching topics of conversation. I have yet to find a spark of heat in a single one of them. But who knows… Maybe someday my bagels won’t be stale. Or not.

B.

(**I am not done with online dating.)

 

Scattered thoughts

16 Jun

By Capitol Jill

I’ve been a bit MIA lately, due to a weird combination of not having anything to say or having too MUCH to say. But here are the random thoughts I’ve been having recently, in no particular order:

 

1. This article is gold. Titled “7 things to tell yourself when you are single”, it manages to capture my feelings on the subject. I think the girls and I have had this conversation many times. My favorite: you are the most important person in your life.

2. Cat GIFS are the best. This list covers a lot of good ones, if you’re a newbie. Thanks Buzzfeed, this is exactly what I needed during a 12 hour work day! try NOT to laugh while reading this one.

The Best Cat GIF Post In The History Of Cat GIFs

3. I tried to take Stacie‘s advice and say yes to a second date, but the first one was SO BAD. Not just boring, but he reminded me of an ex boyfriend. Nice try, Coffee Meets Bagel.

4. I finally went on a good date this weekend. What made it a good date? I can’t even pinpoint one thing. Conversation flowed, I wasn’t self conscious about being myself, he didn’t assume I was going to sleep with him, and I just had FUN. (It definitely beat Belle’s “just fine” category). Three hours went by, and it felt like thirty minutes. I’m chalking this one up as a success and hoping the next one goes as well!

5. I’ve just caught on to the morning smoothie trend. I am so in.

6. Another cat GIF because MONDAYS.

The 15 Funniest Cat GIFs Of The Summer

 

P.S. Sadie, my dear cat,  is also mystified by the toilet.

 

Have a great week!

XOXO

Capitol Jill

you spin me right round baby

13 Jun

Last Saturday after a particularly boozy/bougie brunch, I was jammed in an Uber with three boys from U Street to Virginia. In the approximately thirty minutes it took us to make the 4 mile trip, conversation sure got interesting. By interesting, I don’t mean any part of it had me particularly entertained, but my mood did a serious 360 at the sight of something I have been craving for months…

SOUL CYCLE DC!!!

I hadn’t been in the West End area in quite some time (sorry, no reason to stay at the Ritz or bop around with my [nonexistent] puppy at the dog park), and had only heard rumors and read the various articles about the mythical place. I was thrilled. I started screeching and screaming nonsense that none of the boys cared about, who then started lecturing me about how silly it is to pay $20 to ride a bike inside when I could easily waltz over to Capital Bikeshare and ride one around the Nation’s Capital. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (also I didn’t scold them for their casual underpricing of SC, what they don’t know won’t hurt them).

I’ve gone to spin for quite awhile in DC after trying it out in college and my previous home. I wasn’t a total convert until I realized that the Campaign 15 (20………) wasn’t coming off quite the way I had envisioned, and the DC 15 was eerily close to being a part of my life.

I currently go to spin at a smaller studio, and I’m sure I’ll continue going there even after SC opens because they have 2 locations super convenient for me and the price point is definitely more at my level than SC’s. But you bet I’ll make my fair share of appearances at SC. I went a couple of months without going to spin because my budget was tight, and I just wasn’t feeling terribly motivated for tough workouts in general. Since going back I’ve realized how. much. better. I. feel. I truly do enjoy working out, but in order to make it count, and not just waste 45 minutes aimlessly on the elliptical watching Kardashians, I need motivation. And not in the form of my friend running on the treadmill next to me, in the form of a small, fierce woman screaming at me in a dark room with music so loud I’m thinking about my Abercrombie employment days in 2007.

A lot of my friends have asked me how I make it to spin class at 6am during a stressful work week, or at 8am after a night of shenanigans that didn’t put me to bed until 5am. Well, I buy credits in advance and schedule my workouts for the week on Monday. I’m currently out of credits and am not really in the position to buy a ton right now, so I’ve been slumming it this week in my own gym and I can tell. I’m having trouble sleeping, I’m not as energized, and I’ve STRUGGLED to get in a long workout in the morning, instead sleeping in most days, and running downstairs to the elliptical for 20 minutes and having to go back at night to finish up.

Do y’all have tips for me on how to motivate myself more without dropping so much money on spin classes? I love the workout, but it definitely puts a strain on my wallet. If I could cut down to one class a week and fill in the other days with better, worthwhile workouts on my own, I would be thrilled (but would still definitely miss my classes)! Now that it’s summer and I discovered a tennis court right around the corner, I’m hoping my parents can dig up my high school tennis racket and I can get into playing!

Anybody else looking forward to Soul Cycle’s grand opening?

#BROHUGS

 

The Just Fine First Date Conversation Guide

12 Jun

Well, it’s official: Betty’s no longer an online dating virgin. I went on a date last week via Coffee Meets Bagel, a Stacie-endorsed online dating app, and I survived. Go me.

The date itself was okay. Really, there was nothing wrong with it – the guy looked like he did in his profile, he had all his teeth, he had a job, and conversation flowed fine.

But if I’ve learned anything from the professional schmoozers that run this city, it’s that making conversation isn’t that high of a bar. Indeed, anyone can make conversation in #thistown. It doesn’t mean there’s a spark, and it doesn’t mean the date was a home run.

In fact, it feels like conversation on these just-fine-but-that’s-it dates is sadly predictable. And if you’re not into it, it’s really easy to just converse at the lowest acceptable level – even if you’re the best of conversationalists. If your date is just fine and neither of you give a fuck, here’s what you’ll almost definitely talk about:

Whether you’ve been here before. It’s a great harmless opener. You look around appreciatively. “I’ve never been here before but my friend Jim loves it! Great suggestion!” [Alternative: “Oh wow I’ve only ever been here for brunch! I’m so excited to try it!]

How you got here. This is also another safe conversation starter. I am guilty of employing it as an awkward way to ease into the conversation. It’s literally the most boring thing you could bring up so no wonder I’m single.

Token metro complaint. 

You waited TWELVE MINUTES for the red line???

Where you live. This will allow you to make all of the conversation about your favorite bars and restaurants in that area, your coworker who lives there and you went to a party there once, on and on. The sky’s the limit. Just don’t make a face when you find out it’s Gaithersburg. Or do.

How you got here. Nope, not a repeat of above. I mean how you got to DC. How you made it big in #thistown, if you will. Note that you’ve gotten this far with only purely surface conversations. I bet you’re halfway done with your beer by now! You almost get to leave!

What you do. I mean obviously because #DC, but actually I have a lot of respect for people who don’t ask about this in the first five minutes. My recent date was one of those people, so props to him – although that was admittedly preempted by the fact that Coffee Meets Bagel profiles include your employer because they know that we’re all job snobs. Sigh.

College. Now I realize why no one shuts the fuck up about college. It’s because a) it’s the last time any of us was interesting and b) (relatedly) it’s the perfect safe conversation topic. You went to college? Oh thank god me too. Tell me about it! Tell me about your late night food adventures and all nighters in the library and your spring break trip. I’ll just listen. It’s easier that way. Keep talking!

Do we have to talk about it?

Running and/or fitness. Seriously, fuck this town for being so fucking fit and making me feel like I always need to be on an intense fitness regime or at least planning on starting one. The upside of that is that your date probably feels the same way so you can probably find some common ground talking about how you really want to run a half marathon but you just weren’t sure if you could do it and then sigh your knee got fucked up. NO WAY! ME TOO! [Side note: my Coffee Meets Bagel date was totally intense and was modestly talking about 50 mile runs or some shit. GOOD. BYE.]

 

There you have it. I hope to God at least one of those generated some conversational detours along the way, but I guarantee you you hit most or all of those between gulps of G&T as you attempt to figure out if you can see yourself ever sharing your life – or at least your bed – with this person.

DISCLAIMER: I am not advocating that these are things that should be discussed on a date. What I have provided is a literal recipe for a mediocre date. WE CAN DO BETTER! On the best first date I can recall, we talked about everything from celebrity crushes to favorite Mexican restaurants to stupid movies we liked. Be the change you wish to see in your dates, ladies. But just know that they can’t all be winners. And remember that at the end of even the most boring date, you always – always! – get to go home.

 

 

 

Is sharking a shellfish?

6 Jun

I love to take care of people. Cooking, cleaning, holding hair back while vomiting, if it involves you needing something I can fulfill (yup, even that), I can most likely be convinced to do it. I’ve talked before about how I often succumb to being too responsible, and I’m back at it again!

One thing that is apparent in my current life is my unbelievable ability to cockblock myself. Yes, you read that correctly. I keep cockblocking myself via my friends, because I LOVE TO TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE. And I worry too much.

Are you so drunk that you may take the metro all the way to the end of the yellow line and then get stuck with a guy with long fingernails? Well then you just come home with me and we’ll eat some pizza, and I’ll tuck you safely into my couch. Do you need to go home because you can’t stop crying about your ex boyfriend from 7 years ago that just got engaged? No worries, we can go home at 12 and watch the latest episode of the Bachelorette even though I’ve already seen it 4 times. OMG you feel barfy? KK NEXT UBER ASAP, IDGAF THAT IT’S ONLY 8PM!

You get the point. I massively cockblocked myself last weekend which sent me spiraling into the reality that, okay, sometimes it’s really necessary that I make sure everybody get home okay (i.e. nobody should ride the metro all the way to the end of the yellow line because that’s scary), but what ever happened to shoving somebody into a cab and getting back to your conversation with that cute guy? WHY IS EVERYBODY ELSE CAPABLE OF DOING THIS BUT I AM NOT?

So, I’m turning a new leaf. It’s hookup season, I’m going to start being selfish and shoving you in a cab and out of my face, I’m jumping back on the shark, and y’all can’t stop me (unless I stop myself).

Here’s to a lot of fireball shots and bad decisions ladies and gents, catch ya on the flip side.

 

24 Reasons Going To The Beach Is Actually The Worst

#brohugs

The Interns Are Coming

4 Jun

All over DC, a slow but steady buildup has been approaching, finally erupting in offices everywhere this week.

You know how during Freshman orientation in college there was always a list of things to do/avoid so as not to be that Freshman? It ranged from getting rid of that tacky lanyard hanging around your neck with your student ID attached, to going to each and every organization’s free pizza party in order to save on your dine dollars.

Wouldn’t it be nice if DC held some kind of massive orientation in front of the Lincoln Monument for all the new interns that have arrived? If we had it our way, these are some of the key points that would be touched upon before they embark on their summer in the capital.

– Do Not ask a co-worker on a date the first week you meet. Or ever. The exact words that were used with one particular intern was “Would it be inappropriate to ask you on a date?” Yes, dear. Yes it would.

– We will give you stupid work. Shut up and do it. That’s what you’re here for.

– Don’t dress like a slut. A bandage skirt that has seen the depths of Saint-Ex does not double as a pencil skirt. And please leave your 5 inch red platform heels at home.

– Your opinions probably don’t matter. Sure you’re in the Student Government Association at your college, and therefore believe you have really brilliant ideas… but let’s be honest, you don’t.

– Gossip in DC is worse than in high school. Go ahead. Hook up with the intern from the legal department. Complain that your boss doesn’t deserve his position. Game on. Because We will find out.

– Standing directly in front of the cafeteria worker with 8 people behind you in line is not when you start pondering whether you want swiss or cheddar on your turkey sandwich. Know what you want for lunch, and order quickly. We’re all in a hurry.

– Don’t show up to work hungover multiple times in a week. We’re aware that you will party like it’s 2011 on random Tuesday nights at McFaddens, but pop some advil, drink a 5 hour energy, and pull yourself together man.

– Don’t go to McFaddens.

– Just because you’re the nephew of a senator, or the daughter of John Boehner’s college roommate’s cousin-in-law does not make you important. Sure, that’s how half of you got your internships. But don’t for two seconds think we want to deal with your douchebagery.

Follow these rules, use common sense, and don’t be a dick. That’s basically the summary of this post. And if you can do that, we will love you forever. If you can’t, we’ll laugh in your face, complain behind your back, and blog about you in the hopes that you see it someday.

Don’t be an intern statistic. We’ve all been there. And we’re rooting for you.

B.

Say Yes to the… Second Date!

3 Jun

by Stacie Smack

Summer is back in full force in DC, which (as we’ve mentioned before) means that the SR ladies are on a mission to go on as many dates as possible. Belle is leaving us all in the dust, having already gone on 4 or 5 first dates. The stories will eventually end up immortalized here because they are too good to be forgotten, yet they are not mine to tell, so you’ll have to wait a little longer.

Most of these dates happen due to the existence of a thousand and half dating apps. Aside from Tinder, the SR ladies have (finally!) gotten into CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel), a personal favorite of yours truly. Despite my lack of success stories, I know several individuals who’ve had ranging levels of success on the site, and I think we can have them too.

The thing is that with any dating site, you’re going to get a varied range of first dates and I promise you only 1 out of 5 will actually be mildly successful. Dating is hard. People misrepresent themselves online (LIE) to give a better first impression. What you think will make you compatible may not actually mean that you’ll be able to talk for three hours.

Dating is hard.

However, after hearing the date recaps from several ladies, I couldn’t help but wonder, are you giving the guy a chance?

I mean I totally get it, if the guy is missing his four front teeth and failed to mention that, and he also doesn’t directly look at you in the eyes for the entirety of your lunch date, well then maybe you’re not being too picky. Bad dates happen all the time.

But when I hear my friends say things like “there was no spark” or “he drank less than I did” or “there were some awkward silences”, I want to yell at them so loudly, because ladies, let’s be real. IT WAS JUST A FREAKING FIRST DATE!

Here are the facts: he was nervous too, online dating is awkward so there will be silences! Honestly, there probably wouldn’t be a spark either with the guy at the bar if you hadn’t been 3 fireball shots in already. He’s someone you know NOTHING about, so maybe he drinks less and you didn’t know that. Or maybe he is more focused on getting to know you than pounding down G&Ts.

I just think that there is so much time between when you first find out about each other and when you actually go on a date, that by that point your expectation of who this person is will NEVER match the person that actually is sitting in front of you, because your expectations don’t account for nerves, for having had a bad day, for being shy at first impressions, and I could go on forever.

So as long as he has most of his teeth, and he didn’t lie about his height by more than three inches (the average number by which men increase their height online), and he showed up on time, and made you laugh a few times, can we agree that it was not a bad date?

Therefore, I make one plea to you if you come out of a date feeling meh but not blegh: SAY YES TO A SECOND DATE!

I mean honestly, a second date barely implies anything more than a first one does: there’s no written expectations about sex, labels, or even kissing! I mean when was the last time you went on two dates and started calling someone your boyfriend? When was the last time you went on two dates???

Two dates is still few enough to fade a guy out, and yet it’s a second opportunity for both of you to give and get a second, better, more you impression. It’s another weeknight with plans with someone who’s not your same 7 friends, and it is definitely NOT anything more than just a second date.

So to my dear ladies, text the guy, get another drink, so that you actually feel confident that you actually have zero interest in the guy, rather than unmet outlandish expectations that you’ve only ever seen on TV.