So… This is a Date?

7 May

I went on a date last night. Except I didn’t realize it was going to be a date.

A friend of mine (*note, Friend) just came back from being out of the country for a year for work. I only knew him briefly before he left, as I had just moved to DC myself. While he was gone, we talked via email and facebook every once in a while and, considering how little time we physically spent together, know quite a bit about the other person now.

Although I always suspected maybe a little bit more than friendship coming from his end, I figured it wasn’t a big deal. It is certainly not uncommon for a guy to have brief moments of “more-than-friendship” feelings towards a girl friend. The solution to this predicament, I’ve found, is being more careful. You don’t want to be considered a “tease” by leading anyone on, but sometimes it’s difficult defining the difference between flirting, and just being friendly. Call it a personality flaw…

But this makes me really mad. I hate worrying that I smile too much around a guy friend, or I touch his arm inappropriately, or I crack one too many jokes in his presence… That’s not me trying to get into my his pants… that’s just me hanging out and having a good time! And I hate feeling like I have to tone-down my normal reactions just because I’m around someone with a penis, just so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.

I unknowingly went on a date last night. “Derek” is a great kid. He’s sweet, intelligent, cute, has a great job, and I actually enjoy talking to him. Although I realize those are the defining features of a guy who I actually would like to date, he is my friend. And I’m still hung up on my ex. And have zero goals in life to start a new relationship which will only end up destroying a friendship.

Derek asked if I wanted to grab dinner at some sushi place. DUH. Of course I want to. I want to hear about his trip and gorge myself in rice and raw fish. But how does that constitute a date? However, he insisted on paying (even when I tried giving the waitress my card) and word-dropped “date” twice during dinner. This was the look I gave each time:

We then watched a really horrible movie at his apartment and chatted about all the cool things he did abroad… I made sure to keep my distance on the couch, and never insinuated that there would be any form of touching during said movie, or after. And yet, he still said the word “Date”. I felt conflicted the entire night. Although I was having a genuinely good time with him, I had to cautiously make sure I was not giving him any reason to think that I wanted anything more to come from that evening…

I don’t know where we stand at this moment. It’s quite a pickle. I mentioned to him, more than once, that I “don’t date”, but who knows where that actually landed in his mind. I just feel like I’m stuck right now. I don’t want to have to over-think texting him asking if he wants to join me and my friends for happy hour…

Why can’t girls and guys just be friends? Is that really so difficult? Is it even possible? There’s an interesting video here that shows how most girls think they can have guy friends, but guys can’t. Is that true? Do I have to re-analyze every current male friend that I have…

I don’t think it’s fair.

Belle.

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