The 10 Stages of Phone Loss (in GIF form)

5 May

by Capitol Jill

Ever lost your cell phone? Then you understand the crippling panic, self-doubt and anger that I feel right now. In this big city, my phone could actually be anywhere, and while I know its all my own fault, I can’t help but bitch about it.


Here is what the process of grieving looked like yesterday:


The 10 Stages of Losing Your Phone


1. Drunk discovery – Stumbling into the house, you realize you don’t have your phone.

2. Reluctant, Sleepy Acceptance — well, its too late to do anything tonight, and you’re really tired, so maybe everything will be OK in the morning?

3. Still-Drunk Morning Freakout – 6 am wake up to feed your cat, and remember that YOUR PHONE IS MISSING. Begin to loose your shit. Until you collapse.

4. Limited Effort Hangover – Awake, and trying to find phone, but with limited effort. Your body is still angry at you for last night, and your brain can’t come up with solutions to your conundrum.

5. With Sobriety Comes Panic – Slowly become sober and realize that you haven’t had any success, and will now have to face the consequences.

6. Panic – FREAK THE F OUT.

This is what goes through your head, stream-of-conscience style. “I can’t afford a new phone right now, its on my parents plan so I can’t replace it, why won’t uber call me back, can we go look at the street near the bars we were at? because maybe I dropped it, what if a homeless man took it, oh WOW i am so screwed, what about all those cute cat pictures I took? Or cute boy-from-the-bar’s phone number?”

7. Call Parents – Hear the staggering disappointment in your mother’s voice. Feel like shit some more.

8. Cry . This is how I handle most stressful things.

9. Succumb to hangover and fall into troubled sleep.

10. Get drunk with SR ladies, because its Cinco and YOLO, amirite?


How did you deal with the loss of your phone? If you think about it, your phone is the only person who is CONSTANTLY BY YOUR SIDE AT ALL TIMES. What am I going to do?

Grumpy today,

Capitol Jill

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