Overheard in DC: “Full of Freaks” Edition

17 Apr

By now, we hope you’ve all read Jessica Sidman’s ground-breaking piece on all of the bars and restaurants in which everyone in this city – except us, apparently – is having bathroom sex. First off, actual congratulations to one of our favorite DC journos – this is real journalism and we now have about 657 new things on our bucket list.

Until that happens, though, a girl can dream, and I for one have been fantasizing about what one might overhear during one of these bathroom rendezvous…es. Here’s what you might hear at a few of our DC favorites if you walked by one of these bathroom encounters:

The Palm: “Please try to keep it down. My campaign manager is RIGHT outside.”

Biergarten Haus: “Hurry up baby, my table at Toki Underground is ready!”

Tryst: “Oh…my…GOD…..seriously, where the hell are my cornbread waffle bites? I ordered them before we even got in here. Our server is like such a space cadet.”

Hawk and Dove: “This was soooo much easier before the renovation when the sinks were shorter. This whole bar was so much cooler back then. It was like, an actual dive. And we could get in underage. One time when I was an intern we did shots with the Congressman.” (Author’s note: yes, you would hear during bathroom sex exactly what you would hear all around the acutual bar. When it’s two douchey 23-year-old Hill staffers on their home turf, what do you expect?) 

Hill Country (Karaoke Edition): “Shhhh, not so loud! I want to hear Wagon Wheel!”

McFaddens (Free Happy Hour edition): “WAIT you’re only 19???”

Policy: “What’s your name again?”

Teddy and the Bully Bar: “Speak softly and carry a big stick. Oh wow, you got the second one covered. Okay, but still shush though – there’s a line outside for god’s sake!”

Le Diplomate: “Voulez-vous couche…” Just kidding. Trick question. No one is doing it in the bathroom at Le Diplomate. You waited 5 months for this reservation and hell if you’re going to waste even a minute of this precious time in French Disneyland on le sex.

 Send us your additions in the commented or @stoprequestedDC. From Brownout Betty, keep boning in bar bathrooms, bitches.

xoxoxo

BB

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