Archive | April, 2014

Welcome back, Harry!

30 Apr

Westminster’s church bells are tolling, Big Ben’s clock is ringing, the streets are filled with people clinking beer pints and singing “God Save the Queen”… And Prince Harry is Single Again!!!

Thank you, Great Britian. You gave us Harry Potter, The Theory of Gravity, The Tardis, and one Sexy royal family. Prince William married one of the most beautiful women ever – Princess Kate, my spirit animal. And little baby George already looks like a stud muffin.

And I’m sorry Will… But your brother just wins.

I can’t say I would typically go for gingers… but in Harry’s case, come at me, bro.

I found out about Harry’s recent eligibility this morning on Good Morning America. To describe my feelings towards him, I believe pictures speak louder than words…

There’s an incredibly idiotic show that is coming out called “I Wanna Marry Harry” featuring American women who actually think the Hotness Prince is going on a dating show to find his future wife… Thank you, Fox, for once again proving how daft we all can be.

As sad as Harry must be, losing his girlfriend of over a year, I have a feeling he won’t be lonely for too long. Girls all over the world (obviously myself included) are simply thrilled that he is back on the market. And until the time comes that I have to crawl back into my sad mindset that he is unavailable again, I will continue to dream that we’ll casually bump into each other at some corner pub in London, share a plate of fish and chips, fall deeply in love, and have beautiful royal babies named Henry and Sophia that live happily ever after.

Clearly I’m just as delusional as everyone else.

B.

 

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So maybe you got a boyfriend… But do you know what you lost?

29 Apr

by Stacie Smack

Hello. I’m apparently back from a three week bender (also known as laziness and writer’s block). But let me tell you some things. There’s nothing better than eavesdropping on other 20-somethings’ conversations and then disagreeing or mocking everything they say while formulating what are obviously better and more correct opinions. But sometimes, they actually don’t say totally ridiculous things.

I was on a train on my way from one European city to another, and two very loud Americans were discussing their sex lives at a decibel that was perfectly audible two rows behind them (and that only Americans can publicly achieve).

“I guess you kind of have to decide what you want with the person because when you gain a lover, you’re simultaneously losing a friend.”

Deep, amirite???

No but really, think about it –

Yes, I suppose in your world of butterflies and fairytales and cakes that taste good but have zero calories, your boyfriend can be a lover AND a friend, but let’s be real, he will never fill the role of casual friend (yo, let’s grab a beer bro, watch the game or whatever) or Y-chromosome know-it all to explain men for you. The second you let him unhook your bra and see your three-week old brazilian wax, the friendship is toast. And I don’t mean “morning-after, you woke up in his bed” toast, honey.

Usually, the chances that you’ll stay friends with an ex are very, very slim by the way. I mean let’s be real, if you’re lucky you’ve shared all those “feelings” and “emotions” and whatever else you crazy kids are calling them these days. You’ve stopped confiding in your REAL friends and instead give him the weekly blow job that you feel like you owe him after he kindly listened to you whine for three hours (side note: you don’t owe him a blow job gurl, it’s YO life). Anyways, I digress. You’ll have wasted all those hours building some sort of emotional connection, and then he’ll leave you for Candy (the latest startup in San Fran, obvi. No one would ever cheat on you!). And then you’ll try to be friends still because, well, you need to talk about your coworker who’s still being a total ass until you realize that it’s impossible because he can’t just cup your ass in that comforting way he did so well while frenching you like there’s no tomorrow.

And don’t forget about the collateral damage! When things inevitably end (sorry, I meant to say of course they won’t because have you seen how amazing you are? but for some of us who are not as lucky as you), his friends which you’ve grown to like so much (dare I say… love?) and basically see more than you see your actual friends will disappear with him. POOF! They’re gone because when it comes to picking sides, he was there first. Even if you were best. Perhaps the best advice I can give you when deciding if a relationship with him is worth it, is to spend some quality time stalking his friends via all possible social media means to form solid ill-conceived believable judgements of people you’ve never met but who could just be like your BFF4E. If they seem awesome, do not sleep with him! I repeat do not sleep with him.

You’re welcome. Please mention how life changing I was to your life when talking to commoners who haven’t yet achieved emotional nirvana.

Jill’s #Wins

28 Apr

By Capitol Jill

Hello friends! Ive been posting a lot about things I’m PLANNING to do, so I thought i would do a quick post about what I have actually done! Below are my recent accomplishments, or #wins.

1. Adopted a cat: thats right, I am the proud mama of my very own cat! Her name is TBA, but shes an adorable 5 year old tortie mix. Shes the tiniest cat I’ve ever seen and I love her already. Right now, we are dealing with some separation anxiety issues (i.e. she cries if no one is holding her) but we’re gonna work on that. I just got her Saturday! So Happy. So Adult. Of course, the minute we brought her in, it was clear that Carlos Danger would be her favorite. He isn’t loving that situation, but he’ll get over it.

Luna

just LOOK at this beauty. Shes such a lovely lady.

2. Ask for a raise: I did it! My boss said no, but I don’t regret making the ask. I felt empowered by taking control of my career and we had a very fruitful conversation about my work performance and how I can grow in my roll. He had very positive things to say about me, so I guess it went well! Yay to leaning in. (Not that I read that book. Neither did Betty, but she blogged about it anyways!)

3. Not fight with ex  boyfriends: a few weeks ago, I posted about two exes visiting. I’m happy to report that EVERYTHING went well!

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Thats whats new in my life. Anything new with all of you?

Tweet @stoprequesteddc!

 

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

 

When you gotta go… you gotta go!

23 Apr

Warning: This article deals directly with poop. No sugar-coating it, guys.

We all do it. Like… daily. It’s a basic bodily function that we shouldn’t have to be embarrassed about. And yet, we still are… Especially as Women. Nine times out of ten, we’re able to be discreet when it comes to relieving ourselves and yet, we have all been in more than one situation where you can’t help it – you gotta go – but it couldn’t be at a worse time. Here are, in my opinion, the top 5 times you wish you could just hold.it.in.

 

5. It’s the middle of the afternoon, and a particularly heavy lunch at Shake Shack has finally hit you. So you scamper off to the restroom and settle in. But just as you’re about to #LetItGo, you hear the main door swush open. And you’re left in a terrible predicament. You’re the only other person in the bathroom, so obviously you can’t place blame on anyone else. So you wait, and wait, and pray you can hold it in, as the Princess takes her good ol’ time fixing her hair and using the actual dryer instead of paper towels… all the while making a mental note for next time to use the bathroom two floors down so that there’s a much lower chance of someone recognizing you when this happens again…

4. Drunk poops are literally the worst. The happy hour celebration for your co-worker’s promotion that ended in another round of shots means that they will be sneaking up on you, often, over the course of the next 24 hours. You find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks the next morning and suddenly you literally cannot do anything else but think about the nearest public restroom location. You not only lose your place in line, but you become that person who has to beg for the store’s key to their single occupancy bathroom that has clearly not been cleaned in 2 weeks and is likely out of toilet paper.

3. Weddings. And not just as the bride – that’s an entirely different ballgame. I no longer have the opportunity to wear fancy cocktail dresses/gowns to formal events like I did back in school. And God knows I’m not important enough to be invited to Galas in DC (but here’s to hoping!). So I take full advantage of dressing up for weddings. And nothing kills my wedding spirit quite like figuring out how to gracefully take a dump surrounded by college friends and the bride’s grandma, while wearing a dress that is way too tight around the butt and impossible to lift properly in order to sit down.

2. Road trips. I mean do I really need to say more? Speaking as someone who spent the last 3 weekends traveling 4.5 hours to and from my hometown, I can lay claim to how awful it is to be 2 miles past the last rest stop when all of a sudden, you feel the panic of having to go. You see the next rest stop is in 28 miles. 28 MILES??? WAIT… THERE’S AN ACCIDENT UP AHEAD??? Who the hell decided to get in a car crash in the middle of the highway NOW??? It becomes physically painful at that point…

1. 6:19am. Bro’s house. He chose you over Obamacare last night, and things swiftly transitioned from watching a sex scene in Game of Thrones, to your own version of it in bed… But that morning after “borrowing” some of his Listerine, and properly putting the toilet seat down where it should be, you suddenly remember how thin his walls are and the completely inconvenient location of his bathroom – approximately 8 feet from his headboard. At that point all you can do is pray that he is a deep sleeper… or just run for the metro. (We recommend the latter option.)

 

Is there anything one can do to counteract these embarrassing, inconvenient situations? Well, I do have one solution that I think is hilarious, and yet, somewhat effective (at least for the stinky part). Poo pourri. Watch the commercial, you will die. If nothing else, it’s small and portable – easy to keep in your purse – and keeps you feelin’ like a lady.

Other than that ladies, shit happens. And we gotta deal.

B.

 

 

How to Ask for a Raise

21 Apr

By Capitol Jill

 

I’ve come to the point in my job where I have to do a very scary, uncomfortable thing.

I’m going to ask my boss for a raise.

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EEK!

Working on the hill is a unique beast. The pay is miniscule, but that’s expected. And I know that I will never make a lot of money on the hill. But I do think it’s time I get bumped up a bit, and I’ve decided to ask outright for it.

I’ve talked to mentors about this, and read countless articles (like this one, and this one, and this one too!). Here are the best pieces of advice I’ve gleaned from those conversations.

 

1. Practice what you are going to say – everyone tells me this first. Because it is an uncomfortable conversation, no matter what the situation, its easy to talk in circles and rush through your points. I plan on practicing in the mirror several times this week, working on modulating my tone and keeping my pace even.

2. Make them say no – This one I’ve heard from a lot of people. A managers job is to have these conversations with employees.

3. Do not try to rationalize or explain (too much) – If you’re doing a good job, and deserve a raise, hopefully the boss has already noticed your good work.

4. Use metrics and specifics to explain why you deserve a raise – my best mentor gave me this advice early on, and I have really tried to keep it in mind. Extra projects you take on, past performances you improve upon – all of these things are important in determining your salary. While you don’t need to explain in great detail what you’ve been doing, it’s important to bring up a few key points that show your value to the office.

5. If you act confident, you will appear confident.

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I’ll be making the big leap later this week, in a conversation with my boss about my work performance and ways I can improve. I’m scared, but in a weird way, I’m excited. This is a conversation I am sure I will have to have in the future, and I think that right now, it is time. LEAN IN!!

Maybe I’ll let you all know how it goes!

Wish me luck!

Have any tips for us? Tweet @stoprequesteddc!

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

The Thirst Is Real

18 Apr

I think it’s clear that I love attention. Not in a psychotic nobody else can speak or shine kind of way, but in a wanting everybody to like me/talk to me all the time kind of way.

When it comes to boys, I’m absolutely all about him texting me all the time, asking me to hang out all the time, wanting to come over all the time…or so I thought.

I recently hooked up with a guy (younger than me – but we’re not gonna talk about that), and now he won’t leave me the fuck alone.

 

Normally, this kind of attention would thrill me. Am I growing up? Am I so not into him that I don’t WANT a personal connection with him, and I’m truly just using him for late night booty calls? In the past, even the guys I EXCLUSIVELY just wanted to hook up with, I still longed for them to text me first, and ask me to get a drink. This guy has thrown me for a loop.

His thirst is unreal. He even hooked up with me after I ignored his texts for over a week, and then texted him at midnight on a Wednesday inviting him over. He was brave enough to ask why I stopped returning his texts and BELIEVED me when I fabricated some tale about spilling a mimosa on my phone. It’s 2014. If I had spilled a mimosa on my phone, I would have gotten a new one in 24, not 168, hours.

Anyway, he won’t leave me alone and I’m so over it. A few weeks ago he asked me to hang out and I told him I was at a party far away and wasn’t available tonight. I shit you not, he called and texted me every 5 minutes trying to find a way to meet up. Yuck. Every time he asks to hang out, I tell him I’m busy, thinking I’m initiating the slow fade. Even when I was OUT OF TOWN, he wanted to chat about how my weekend was going, and make plans for when I got back – I ignored. Homeboy just cannot take a hint.

image

 

Desperation is definitely one of the most unattractive qualities one can posses. Maybe I’m just not into this guy because he’s not playing hard to get, and his clinginess has just turned me completely off.

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So, tell me how I can get rid of this stage 5 clinger without coming off like a royal bitch?

#brohugs

Overheard in DC: “Full of Freaks” Edition

17 Apr

By now, we hope you’ve all read Jessica Sidman’s ground-breaking piece on all of the bars and restaurants in which everyone in this city – except us, apparently – is having bathroom sex. First off, actual congratulations to one of our favorite DC journos – this is real journalism and we now have about 657 new things on our bucket list.

Until that happens, though, a girl can dream, and I for one have been fantasizing about what one might overhear during one of these bathroom rendezvous…es. Here’s what you might hear at a few of our DC favorites if you walked by one of these bathroom encounters:

The Palm: “Please try to keep it down. My campaign manager is RIGHT outside.”

Biergarten Haus: “Hurry up baby, my table at Toki Underground is ready!”

Tryst: “Oh…my…GOD…..seriously, where the hell are my cornbread waffle bites? I ordered them before we even got in here. Our server is like such a space cadet.”

Hawk and Dove: “This was soooo much easier before the renovation when the sinks were shorter. This whole bar was so much cooler back then. It was like, an actual dive. And we could get in underage. One time when I was an intern we did shots with the Congressman.” (Author’s note: yes, you would hear during bathroom sex exactly what you would hear all around the acutual bar. When it’s two douchey 23-year-old Hill staffers on their home turf, what do you expect?) 

Hill Country (Karaoke Edition): “Shhhh, not so loud! I want to hear Wagon Wheel!”

McFaddens (Free Happy Hour edition): “WAIT you’re only 19???”

Policy: “What’s your name again?”

Teddy and the Bully Bar: “Speak softly and carry a big stick. Oh wow, you got the second one covered. Okay, but still shush though – there’s a line outside for god’s sake!”

Le Diplomate: “Voulez-vous couche…” Just kidding. Trick question. No one is doing it in the bathroom at Le Diplomate. You waited 5 months for this reservation and hell if you’re going to waste even a minute of this precious time in French Disneyland on le sex.

 Send us your additions in the commented or @stoprequestedDC. From Brownout Betty, keep boning in bar bathrooms, bitches.

xoxoxo

BB

I Don’t Support That: Camo Edition

14 Apr

By Capitol Jill

Flashback to last weekend. Unsuspecting, innocent Jill riding the metro to a friend’s apartment.

Enter: tourists.

Wearing camouflage jackets.

My eyeballs are still scarred.

Behold, the spectacle.

camo

I risked my life to take this picture, folks.

Let’s take a closer look.

camo

WHAAAAT?

Now, I vaguely understanding wearing camo if you are hunting. As in real hunting, not playing Big Buck Hunter while intoxicated at a sports bar (Amirite, Ann?)

But in the city, does this really help you blend in? I don’t think so.

 

Verdict: I Don’t Support That.

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Thanks, Joaquin. Well demonstrated.

What are your thoughts on Camo? Let us know in the comments below!

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

Betty’s #equalpayday Reading List

10 Apr

There’s been a lot of buzz this week thanks to Equal Pay Day and the bigger question of women’s equality in the workplace. Or shall we say, “the left’s latest bizarre obsession.” Guilty as charged, Mitchy.

More thoughts on this TK, but here is some food for thought that particularly caught my attention this week:

1.
If she can do it, why can’t YOU? A great reflection on why the ‘Lean In’/’Having It All’ mantra is great for privileged women who are in the right place at the right time, but can set unfair expectations for the rest of us.

2.
I Wasn’t a Fan of Sheryl Sandberg’s—Until I Couldn’t Find a Job From the opposite viewpoint of the first article, a young college grad reflects on how Sheryl Sandberg’s credo empowered her to take the reins of her own career in an unfriendly economy.

3.
Why Women Don’t Ask For More Money A great read + listen (there’s audio too – gym listening anyone?) on the perpetual question of women asking for raises.

Together, I think these raise some interesting questions about whether the lower position of women in the economy/workplace – something I think most of us would agree exists, even if we don’t agree on how to handle it – has to do with individual initiative or structural economic and political factors. Which, of course, also underlies basically every domestic political/economic debate in our country since LBJ.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments. We’re looking forward to more debate on this in upcoming posts!

-Betty

Family “Values”

9 Apr

Anyone who has ever met me knows how much I adore being a part of my family. For decades (ugh, decades??) now, I have bragged about how hilarious, accomplished, loving, and just wonderful people they are. We are by no means a normal family – for as long as I can remember we have used the words “weird” “loud” and “obnoxious” to describe our behavior. But it has always been in a fun, spirited way – hopefully appreciated by most who come in contact with us.

We’re close. Like, weirdly close. My family is not just my mom and brothers. My cousins are as close to me as my siblings, and my aunts, uncles, and grandparents have been involved in every step of my adult life. Growing up, we all got together at least once every week (usually Sundays at Grandma’s after church), made sure to make time for family trips to the movies/bowling/amusement parks/etc on a regular basis, and always took a family vacation each summer.

I digress.

Ever since moving to DC, things have changed. I’m the oldest sibling and cousin, and therefore was the first to move out of the house, go to college, (only one to) study abroad, and eventually find a real job. My family are a bunch of home-bodies, and I guess it was always assumed that everyone, no matter their occupation, would stay within a one hour radius of our city for the rest of our lives. I know how ridiculous that sounds… But understand that the career paths of my brothers and cousins will likely allow them to do just that. As for me, I needed to get the eff outta dodge.

I’ve been in DC for exactly one year and one day as of today. (YAY!) And yet, it isn’t until right now that I’ve realized how distant I’ve become from so many people in just one year. Growing apart from friends is normal, and usually I am able to pick up where I left off with them every time I go home. There are no ill-feelings that I left them to pursue a career in a different city. But my family is different. It’s like they hold it against me – constantly. Subtly, but it’s there.

It’s only within these past few months that I’ve noticed it with them. But everytime I come home, I feel like I’m on the defensive with everyone. I’ve had to justify my actions for breaking up with my boyfriend (who they all assume I will get back together with… no). I constantly try to impress them by talking about my job, or bring up fun things that one can only find in DC, and they change the subject. I had knee surgery a little over a month ago, and it has barely been acknowledged by ANY of them since. I tell them I’m coming home on a Friday night, and they instead plan a family dinner and a movie for Thursday. Am I missing something here? When did I go from being a member of the family to some outsider begging to be let back in?

It hurts, guys. It really freaking sucks.

Of course I still love my family. I have put so much energy into trying to keep my relationship with them strong even though I live farther away. I still tell everyone how close my family is, how well we all get along, and how you should be jealous that you aren’t a part of it. But do I mean it anymore? I’ve been here for an entire year, and I’ve had exactly one visitor: My mother.

I can’t imagine acting like this if the roles were reversed. Being the one who gives more in a relationship (friends/boys/etc) and not getting the same in return is not exactly a new concept to me. Honestly… story of my life (thanks, 1D). But I never thought this would also happen in my family. Maybe I’m in a funk?

Honestly I’m unsure what to do moving forward. Half of me wants to pack my bags and head to Europe on a whim (wait, I actually always want to do that) and see how long it takes them to realize I’ve gone. I’m afraid to bring this all up to them, because I really don’t know how they’d react. Do they realize they’re even doing this? For now, I’ve decided to kinda shut myself off for a while. I’m done sending messages to our mass family group text and getting zero responses. I’m done trying to organize a family dinner that no one has time to go to. I’m done putting in all the effort and getting the cold shoulder in return. Maybe when I go home this month, things will suddenly get better. But until that happens, I’m taking a break from trying to be a real member of my family.

Sorry, but I’m not sorry about this.

B.