The Real Villain

21 Mar

Doesn’t everybody lovehate Carrie Bradshaw? I do. I like a lot of things about Carrie – her shoes, her hair (I know), her cute little run across the street. But there are also many many things I dislike about Carrie. How mean she is to Aiden, her sober chain smoking habit, and the fact that she can’t help but wonder about every damn thing.

It’s been ingrained in our heads since circa age 14 that we should strive to be one of the SATC girls; nobody wants to be Miranda, nobody wants to admit they’re not as sexually active as Samantha and pretends her behavior is appalling, and not everybody can be Charlotte, so most of us become a self-proclaimed Carrie-Charlotte hybrid. One trait of Carrie we all seemed to inherit was the whole overdramatic thinking thing.

The 21 Most Melodramatic Things Carrie Bradshaw Ever Said

Alright ladies, let’s all admit it. We can be a little crazy. Mainly when it comes to men. Some of us more than others. And those of us that are extra crazy give those of us that are less crazy a bad name…….

Oh who am I kidding we’re all pretty batshit.

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I’ve done  some downright psychotic things to get a boy to pay attention to me/come over at 2am/be forced to refer to me as his girlfriend/ask me to formal/etc. Some of these things I am not proud of. Some of them terrify me. Some of them are hilarious. Some of them should have branded me a stalker. WHATEVER. (Kidding y’all – I wasn’t that bad. But I did once burst into tears in a bar when the boy I was hooking up with said hi to my friend and not me. He had to escort me out of the bar and to my bed…which he obviously got in. They’re shameless too.)

So I’m pretty familiar with my friends being crazy with guys and all. A very preppy/upper middle class/predominantly white university in the Midwest will [to nobody’s surprise] surround you with some pretty crazy bitches. As I’ve mentioned before, when “He’s Just Not That Into You” came out as a movie, I quoted that to my friends all day every day. Unsurprisingly, a lot of the psycho shit we did in college has followed us to our postgrad years. As we enter our mid-twenties, the stakes are higher and our former typical sorority girl habits have reared their ugly heads, morphed, and are back with a vengeance.

How many girls have I watched go on a few great dates with a guy, imagined monogramming their future towels, only to be told “next week’s not gonna work for me – I’m out of town….indefinitely.”? Far too many. How many girls have I watched get right back on their feet and say “Meh. His loss!”? Not many. How many girls have I watched eat too many carbs, drink too much vodka, and wind up in the bed of a hairy, dirty fingernailed, cargo pant wearing boy in god knows where Virginia? Way, way, WAY too many (myself included).

Listen. I’m all about getting over someone by getting under someone else (thanks Gossip Girl). But please ladies, do not lower your standards. Do not beat yourself up. I promise you, life does go on. I have had my heart broken. I have been so earth shatteringly upset over a breakup that I didn’t think it was possible to go on. When I broke up with my boyfriend from high school, I thought my life was O V E R. Looking back now – WHAT IN GOD’S NAME WAS WRONG WITH ME? Let’s not get into the winners I picked in college or even after.

And. I love you girls, but why are we always turning the guy into a villain? Read this ThoughtCatalog article I stumbled upon earlier this week. The writer asked a bunch of guys why they rejected her. And man, the truth can hurt, but the truth shall also set you free, right? As our hero learned, maybe you didn’t DO anything wrong! Maybe you weren’t responsive to his texts while trying not to appear desperate, so he thought you weren’t into it. Maybe he is a strict vegetarian and you’re a meat lover. Maybe it even comes down to the simple trait we often find in the District, you’re a card carrying member of the GOP and he worked for the Obama campaign, and he just  literally can’t with that. Sure, men can be skeezy, rude, smelly, and sometimes downright mean. But not always. Just like those crazy chicks who give us all a bad name, guys can get a bad rep too. I love a good Southern gentleman to coddle me and treat me like a lady. I appreciate the truth. If he’s not into it, sure I’d like to be told. But what if, like you, he’s not good at communicating? What if he’s embarrassed? Shy? Scared of being hurt? What if he’s NOT mean and just  says he’s busy, slowly goes off the map, and you finally realize he’s not into it after 2 dates?

Should you be heartbroken? I’m not going to tell you yes or no. But I am going to tell you to stop beating yourself, and the guy up. Things happen. Relationships work. Relationships don’t work. It’s trial and error. It’s science. Dating is science! I’m also going to tell you that if he pulls this behavior after 15 dates and sleepovers, he’s a commitmentphobe, and he may be a little bit of a jackass. But he doesn’t necessarily deserve a scarlet letter. Take a look at what happened. Maybe he is a jackass. Maybe you’re a control freak. History repeats itself, and you don’t want crazy creeping in to every potential relationship that comes down the pike.

Am I making sense? Am I rambling? Here’s my point: don’t be that girl. The girl that dwells and cries herself to sleep and goes on an anti male tirade because your monogram was perfect and he has a twin so maybe you’ll have twins, just because you didn’t hear from him again after your second date. Don’t do it to yourself, don’t do it to your friends, and don’t do it to your future.

There are exceptions to the statements I’m making. I love to fantasize about monograms. I love that he’s a twin and that maybe that increases the chances that I’ll have twins. It’s only natural to think about these things as, like I said earlier, the stakes to our dating games are getting higher. But if there’s no spark? Why force it? Besides, aren’t we all holding out for Ryan Gosling anyway?

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