Destroying the Drunk Text

12 Feb

I am in the process of changing any number of lifestyle choices this new year- bad eating habits, netflix binging, overworking, moving on from the past, reading more books… the list goes on and on…

But I have to be honest with myself about something that really, and I mean really, needs to stop.

Drunk Texting.

Ever since I moved to DC, my drunken fingers have become miniature devils attempting to sabotage every floozy suave move I make towards men. This, I know, is not an unusual problem for women. We’ve all been there – it’s just that I happen to be there every time my alcohol intake exceeds 2 rum and cokes and a Heineken.

Drunk texts are occasionally funny, and sometimes even successful. But other times they just leave you feeling like the biggest A-hole in Admo. I have successfully(?) ended romantic interests due to the sheer embarrassment of my drunken texts. And that, dear readers, is why it needs to end.

I shall not sacrifice anymore future endeavors to the fate of my idiotic 1am sonets about meeting up in metro center, or calling one poor soul 8 times and then texting him asking why he hasn’t picked up his phone yet.

What’s a girl to do? The obvious answer is to stop the excessive drinking… but we all know that isn’t gonna happen.

I really have tried to come up with some solutions…

Attempt: Turn the phone off…
Result: Massive fail. Since I just turn it back on after the first margarita.

Attempt: Change all the names of the fellas I like to bother to different emoticons in my phone so I don’t know who I’m really talking to.
Result: Initially, this was a brilliant idea! Until one of the dudes texted me first… I awoke the next morning to a conversation between myself and *Sad face, Finger nail polish, beer glass, police officer, flower, flower, dog* where I was convinced he was a guy who lived in NoMa- when in fact he lives in Shaw – and I spent 40 minutes trying to convince him otherwise. #oops Needless to say, I haven’t heard from him since…

Attempt: Assign a DT (Designated Texter)
Result: I was separated from my group and spent the next 45 minutes in a corner two bars down from the rest of my friends… because I had no way of communicating my location. Anytime I get lost, I get emotional. Emotional drunk? Not pretty…

I’m out of ideas, dear readers. And I’ve decided there’s only one more option… besides self control. Which obviously isn’t a real thing in your 20’s…

I need to download an anti-drunk texting app! But I definitely need your help choosing one. If anyone has ever had success with the following apps, please share in your comments below!

My dignity will thank you.

Designated Dialer

Drunk Text Blocker

Drunk Text Savior

As always, I’m forever open to suggestions to better my weekend experience… #arentweall



2 Responses to “Destroying the Drunk Text”


  1. Let’s Celebrate My Favorite Celebrity Couple… | STOP REQUESTED - February 14, 2014

    […] I’m a 23 year old female WASP in 2014, it goes without saying that I love love. I went into high school when The Notebook was peaking, and obviously had this lengthy quote  in my ~*MySpAcE*~ profile and thought I praaaaactically WASSSSSSSS Allie and my flavor of the week was Noah. (spoiler: I was not Allie. The 14 year old boy I sometimes kissed in the back of the movie theater was not Noah, womp womp). I went into college with “He’s Just Not That Into You” and quoted it at every opportunity I had, especially when it came to my bitties drunk texting bros. […]

  2. Review: Courthouse Movie Theater | STOP REQUESTED - March 5, 2014

    […] I prefer the matinees because they’re a few bucks cheaper, and I can still indulge on my nightly weekend activities […]

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