The ‘True Love Tester’ (and no, it’s not a BuzzFeed quiz)

30 Jan

A Japanese lingerie company has come up with a TRULY revolutionary idea, ladies: a bra that only unhooks when the lady wearing it is truly in love. Sensors inside the cup detect the level of Romantic Feelings based on your heart rate, send them to a smartphone via Bluetooth (still don’t understand what that is) and only if the romantic feelings are genuine does the bra open.

You can (and should) watch the promotional video for this product – a promotional video that presumably cost a legitimate corporation more than 4 yen to make:

So, I have a few questions.

1. First and most obviously, what if it’s every Friday night and I want to sleep with a guy I have zero romantic interest in? This is a design flaw. Don’t the Japanese have, say, back burner bros or boring nice guys for whom one, unfortunately, must sometime unhook one’s bra? Can I trick the thing into unhooking? Is it like faking an orgasm?

2.  The video makes it appear that the bra unhooks in the presence of True Love no matter what. Like you see at the end when it just pops off the mannequin? So like, what if it’s every day of my life and I’m in the presence of a guy on whom I have an unrequited crush and the thing just…does its thing? Oh my god. Is this what it’s like to be a guy and get unwanted boners at awkward times??????

3. It would appear that this device does not function without a smartphone. What if I am Lady Gaga in Just Dance and I lost my keys and phone? Will the app realize that I am somewhere far away from it and oblige by unhooking my bra at the right time? This all assumes, of course, that the situation in point #1 does not apply and that I have left the phone at the club in order to go hook up with someone for whom I feel True Love. But if I’m that wasted then let’s face it…it’s probably a stupid rando and we’re back at square 1.

I will say that the general idea behind this contraption seems like it has potential. It’s like a coat that you can only unbutton when the computer chip determines that you really aren’t cold anymore. Hey, that’s not actually such a bad idea. (Will my stone-cold heart fool it into thinking I need to keep the coat on?)


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