Do I even Ask if You Want to Come Upstairs?

14 Jan

by Stacie Smack

This past weekend the #SRDC ladies and I ventured out into the cold cold winter, and decided to close down an AdMo bar (success, proven by the McDonald’s receipt Anne found in her pants pocket the next morning). After approximately fifteen minutes since our arrival, Belle had managed to get a man to sit at our booth. Despite his obvious interest exclusively on Belle, I tried my hardest to third-wheel the situation for as long as possible.

Now, if I haven’t mentioned this before, I will now. I am not shy when talking to guys (particularly that are not interested in me or that I am not interested in) to bring up the fact that I am conducting extensive research on “Men and 21st Century Dating”. Often times, this freaks guys out, understandably, since all of a sudden they become very aware that I am analyzing literally everything they do and say. Once in a while though, I get brilliant snippets of uncensored honesty. Belle’s man did just that.

Sex on a first date: yes or no?

“Here’s the thing. I’m ALWAYS trying to have sex on a first date. I also wouldn’t date a girl who has sex on the first date.”

Take a minute.
Got it?

Ladies, behold the hypocrisy of the lesser gender, at its finest.

Let’s breakdown this thought into two parts. The first is at least to me, not surprising. In fact, I would just assume that he’s probably just always trying to have sex, first date or not. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I am a strong believer of sexual drive and carnal lust or whatever. Sex is good, and we like to have it.

The second part I suppose is also fine in isolation. If he had just said that second part, I wouldn’t be writing on it. Men and women all around us can relate to this statement. So many people (myself excluded) support the “taking it slow” strategy of waiting and getting to know one another before getting to The Sex. While I can’t relate as well to this as to the first part of his statement, I respect the preference of waiting. Did he have to phrase it that way? Probably not. Does he sound like a sexist asshole by saying it that way? Probably. The point is that his alluding to talking before sexing did not blow my mind.

And so why did this comment bother me so much? Because when you put the two together, it makes no sense. It’s like putting a delicious piece of cake in front of a child but telling him he can’t have it. Unless you’re a child with a lot of self control, it’s going to be pretty hard to not eat that cake. And somehow, you’ve just put all of that self-control on ME. So you’re going to push for that cake, but without telling me, you expect me to take the cake away rather than eat it with YOU. Do you see how complicated and unfair this gets?

And I’m not saying that my pants come off as soon as a guy is doing and saying all the right things, but the reason that I don’t is because I’ve realized that if I take my pants off, he will think that I’m not worthy of dating. And that just pisses me off. Why should anyone make me feel like I’m not worthy? Who are you to make me feel not worthy of anything?

Plus, I like sex just as much as you do, and I think compatibility in those aspects is just as important as at the dinner table. I’d want to find out sooner rather than later if we’re going to get along in bed. If we had a good date, and we’re getting along, and you want it, and I want it, then why am I going to become undateable?

If the tables were flipped, if the expectation was on you to turn down first date sex, while I get to try as much as I want to convince you to have it, do you think you’d be able to say no?

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