Dear Jess Mariano

18 Dec

Dear Jess Mariano,

Thanks for the phone call last night…

It’s been over 2 months since we broke up. Let me remind you why… Because I wasn’t quite good enough for you. Because You chose to stop making us a priority. Because Five years in a relationship wasn’t worth you coming to DC to start a life together. I’m 24. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the “ultimate final step”. But how many more years I was supposed to wait around for you to make up your mind? It was my future too. As much as I loved you, our relationship became unhealthy, unbalanced, and painful.

Listen, I could go on and on about why we broke up… The point is, we did. And I was so hurt during the end of the relationship that the last thing I wanted to do post-breakup was “mourn” and cry, for months on end, wallowing in my own self-pity. Because as sad as I am that every aspect of my future with you is over, I think I’ve been saying goodbye to you for a while.

But then… You, Jess Mariano, have the balls to call me out on “moving on too quickly”.

Excuse me?

You’re 400 miles away and shouldn’t even know what I’m up to in DC! Sure, I’ve made some mistakes, met new people, and even gone on a few dates. But that is NO LONGER YOUR BUSINESS.

I deserve to be surrounded by friends, and guys, who want to spend time with me. I don’t want to be sad about what I don’t have. I want to be happy about what I do have – supportive friends, wonderful family, and a life in an awesome city. I spent the past year walking on egg-shells afraid of our next argument or of your impending threat to end things because we just “didn’t feel right” anymore.

But now you’ve changed your mind. You want to make me feel guilty for moving forward in life because you realized your own mistakes. I’m sick of your attempts to criticize and belittle my feelings by saying that I have zero respect for our past relationship just because I’m okay with letting a guy take me out to dinner. You seem to be forgetting that the whole reason we broke up is because you haven’t had respect for me in ages!

Jess…

I don’t need this from you.

Yes, I’m still hurt that we are over. Imagine watching your future completely fall apart in front of your eyes, knowing you can’t stop it. I need to move on, because if I don’t, then all I’m going to do is sit in my apartment, look at pictures of us, and wonder what I did wrong.

But I won’t do that.

Because I didn’t screw this up.

You pushed me away, Jess. And now, I’m happy that you’re the one that’s feeling regret over what you lost. I don’t regret breaking up with you – because I deserve better than someone who only realizes how to behave in a relationship after it’s already over.

You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone, right? And you can’t make something work with someone who doesn’t love you as much as you love them. Maybe you’ve finally realized your true feelings.

But l’m sorry, Jess. You’re too late.

So please, let me move on.

Oh but first… Here’s a secret, Jess. Right now, I’m kinda glad you can’t.

Goodbye,

Belle

 

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