We Tried it, so You Don’t Have to: At-Home Wax Kit

14 Nov

The Product:

Extra Strength All-Over Wax Kit from Sally Hansen

So, I’ve been waxing forever. Sometimes I get lazy and shave, but generally, I try to wax every six weeks, because I am not a fan of the bushy look, and before you get all feministy on my ass, let me clarify that yes, I do it because I feel sexier and because I am convinced that men are more likely to go down on me if I do. I am (sometimes) a walking stereotype and I sleep with assholes who would agree. Kthnxbi.

Honestly, I don’t know what possessed me to do any of the following.

I was at CVS, waiting for a prescription, casual. That’s how they get you. And so I thought: hey, maybe I should try doing it myself! I’m fiercely independent and I would save money blah blah blah. I usually exclusively associate Sally Hansen with nail polish, but given that it was the only brand at the store, I went for it. I have waxed my legs on my own before, and I had seen it done billions of times!! How hard could it be?

That’s when I should have knocked some sense into myself. But I didn’t.

Instead, I drank a glass of wine because OOF, what a day plus it’s a soft painkiller. Logical.

I took the lid of the blue jar, which contains the wax. As indicated in the instructions, I microwaved it for 30 seconds. Now this is a key step, because if you don’t follow instructions, the wax can explode in the microwave, and you do NOT want to deal with that mess. The wax came out melted but not scalding. Good sign.

The first issue arose when I forgot that there was no lid on the jar. I wasn’t paying attention and I spilled wax on my floor. But I moved on, because I needed to wax; I could deal with the floor later (still haven’t).

The next question was: how do I position myself to reach all the necessary key areas while being able to use the kit. I sat on the floor, and using the above shown popsicle sticks I dabbed some wax on the relevant skin portion.

Important note: Always apply the wax in the direction of hair growth. Pull in the opposite direction.

I then took one of the white cloth strips and placed it on the wax. The first pull was easy. As soon as I pulled I put my hand on the area and applied pressure (something suggested on the instructions and done by wax professionals). The area seemed mostly clear of hair. It was promising.

I moved on to a new area. When I went to pull the strip, it did not work and the wax stayed on the skin. I tried a second time and nothing happened. Except for pain. I decided to give it a rest and move to the other side. Again, wax stayed on skin, and pain. At this point, things were starting to get messy. I accidentally dripped some more wax on my skin, and all the patting started getting wax on my hands. After some more pain, I decided to quit. It was NOT happening.

My strategy then was to hop in the shower and wash off the wax. Except for that I forgot the tiny detail that wax and water don’t mix. So there I was, covered in wax, unable to really do anything. I tried using shampoo, body wash, face wash, and conditioner to get the remaining wax off my bikini (and hands, stomach, and legs that somehow ended up also covered in wax).

Problem number seven billion arose when I decided to shave, since the waxing had failed. Needless to say, the results were disastrous, given that I was still somehow covered in wax. After running my hands under hot water for 20 minutes, I managed to get most of the wax off my hands, enough to do regular shower things as well as shave attempt number 2.

I had to get out of the shower when I started getting dizzy from the heat. And so here I am, writing this review, still covered in wax, still unsure of how I am going to ever get unsticky or how I am going to get the wax off of my floor.

So DO:

–       Use it if you’ve waxed that area by yourself before.

–       Heat it up an extra 5 seconds, I suggest.

–       Read ALL the instructions before using it.

DON’T

–       Drink wine before using it

–       Spill wax on the floor or your legs, or really any body part.

–       Try to shower to fix things.

–       Use it. Splurge and have someone do it for you.

Honestly, given the one successful strip, I am sure the wax itself works. But it’s just one of those things that will always have a place in my budget. The luxury of not having to do it myself, and it taking fifteen minutes during my lunch break is priceless.

Need recommendations of where to do it in DC? Email Stacie Smack at stacie.smack.sr[at]gmail[dot]com

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