Honesty

9 Oct

Pardon me while I post a venting, not-so-fun blog post. As I know many of you have, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks (government probs), and this is a small problem in the grand scheme of things. I’m a fairly recent college grad, living in a fairly new city (I’ve lived here less than a year), which means I’ve gone through a lot of change in the last few years. The first year out of college was ROUGH, but this year is significantly better. I’m getting more comfortable being in my 20s, making some great friends, and just enjoying life. I’m definitely still adjusting, and certainly still learning. I recently read an article on Thought Catalog, called “The 15 Most Self-Sabotaging Things People Do In Their 20s”. I could easily go down this list and tell you how they apply to my life, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll tell you how this list made me decide that I need to tell one of my most beloved friends the truth: Honey, I DO NOT like your boyfriend.

I’m a serious resident of singledom right now. I’ve been quoted more than once in the last week saying “I haven’t shaved my legs for 2 consecutive days in weeks…I’m so single it hurts”.  A ton of my friends are getting into serious relationships, which is just like, honestly, culture shock.  You’re moving in with your boyfriend? I still can’t commit to a nail polish color for the week. Don’t get me wrong, for most of my friends, I am absolutely thrilled, and even for those not yet engaged, I cannot WAIT for their weddings. But, there is one friend’s relationship, let’s call this friend Pat, that I just cannot get behind.

Now, I’ve been in some pretty bad relationships myself, and had to come between some pretty nasty relationships of friends. All things considered, Pat’s boyfriend could be significantly worse. As a human, I’m sure Pat’s boyfriend is PERFECTLY fine, but as a boyfriend to Pat, no dice. I do NOT approve, and I REQUEST A STOP. I guess I could call him nice, and I pride myself in telling people “the last thing you ever want to be called is nice”. Now, how do I tell Pat?

Pat’s boyfriend is one of the most boring, socially awkward, and rude human beings I have ever met. Like I said, he could be significantly worse, and I have seen friends in worse relationships, and even been in one or two myself. Is Pat in danger? No. Are Pat’s feelings going to be hurt? DEFINITELY NOT. But, do I think Pat is happy, satisfied, and fulfilled in this relationship, or do I think Pat is just delusionally using this #niceguy for attention, money, and to pass the time while pretending it’s something deeper to relate to progressively more tied down friends? 900% the latter.

You know when you meet somebody and they make comments under their breath, can’t make eye contact, and are consistently rude? And initially you think “what a dick”, and later realize it’s an issue of that person having less than zero self-confidence and then you feel like a huge asshole? That is how I would describe my first encounter with Pat’s boyfriend. I gave the kid the benefit of the doubt, it was a tough crowd, and I personally have a bitchy face and attitude with a very tiny filter. But, next time we hung out, he made attacking comments at one of my friends and called her a bitch (she is the opposite of a bitch, and, in fact, being called a bitch made her cry for hours), and acted weirdly possessive of Pat, despite their short lived and not yet serious relationship. Pat’s boyfriend bragged about all the time they spent together, and was grumpy when anybody brought up inside jokes, or things that happened before he entered the picture (aka 24 years of Pat’s life….).

There is a huge wedge in my friendship with Pat, and I want my old friend back. Pat can tell something’s up, and I don’t know how to explain. Instead, I’m cowardly ignoring phone calls and shooting a text back “so busy! call you later! miss you xo”, ignoring all of Pat’s posts on social media involving the boyf, and talking MAD SHIT behind Pat’s back. I decided this was how I would deal with my dislike of Pat’s boyfriend, just push it to the side and hope the relationship would be over sooner rather than later, because that’s the approach all my friends were taking with the situation. Pat’s going through some adjustments in life right now too, and we all agreed that #theboyfriend was the way of coping with them, miserable as he, and we, may be.

And then….came Thought Catalog’s insightful article. I’m lying to myself and to Pat, and how damn immature is that?! I’m sabotaging one of my closest friendships to protect my petty feelings. The downward spiral of Pat and I’s friendship isn’t Pat’s fault, it isn’t Pat’s boyfriend’s fault; it’s MY fault! How will Pat know how I feel about the relationship unless I TELL Pat?! Will Pat potentially be mad at me and call me a jealous bitch? Sure as shit will. Will Pat get over it because I’ll put it lightly and tell Pat it’s just my opinion, and leave it up to the rest of my friends to follow suit (or not, it’s their life)? Absolutely. Do I expect Pat to break up with #theboyfriend just because I, or my friends, don’t like him? No! But I do want Pat to know my opinion, it’s weighing heavily on my mind, and I know the crumbling of our friendship is definitely on Pat’s mind as well.

Stay tuned. I’m currently ignoring a gaggle of Pat’s texts while I type this, so, maybe next week….

 

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One Response to “Honesty”

  1. bridjview October 9, 2013 at 10:45 am #

    tell her, she may call you jealous, but you have a right to protect, your friendship.

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