The TwentySomething’s Supermarket List (or Why your Fridge is Empty)

8 Oct

by Stacie Smack

I remember when I moved into my first real apartment after graduation. I was certain that I would finally be able to discover my amazing cooking skills. I had pots, and pans, and spices, and a broiler. Now I realize that Carrie had it right… it seems that ovens are best used for shoes and occasionally baking cookies. Since then, I have managed to perfect my shopping list to all the essentials that support or supplement my [responsible and healthy] lifestyle. This List should only be used at Whole Foods, though you may be able to achieve similar levels of success and satisfaction at a Farmer’s Market.

1. Hummus

It requires zero preparation required, plus you manage to convince yourself that you’ll eat it with baby carrots or celery or something so it will a super healthy meal.

2. Pita Chips

Because you also know that when I actually want the hummus, you won’t want to eat it with carrots.

3. Apples

You’re out of sick days at work, so your new health maintenance strategy relies fully on believing that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”.

4. Chicken Noodle Soup

For when you DO get sick and need something to chase the NyQuil with.

5. Kale

It’s ubiquity does not need further explanation. You can figure out how to cook it later. The important part is having it in your fridge.

6. Wine

Their Three Wishes brand is $3 and you get a discount if you buy a case. It’s the Three Buck Chuck of today’s Yuppies.

Animated gif from Will and Grace of Karen dancing with a box of wine in each hand

7. Ice Cream

The P Street Whole Foods sells Dolcezza Salted Caramel Gelato for $8 a pint. You are welcome.

8. Frozen Burritos

For when a late night Burrito from Sol at 3am is simply not enough after 4 slushies at Little Miss Whiskey’s.

9. Easy Mac

It’s the organic four cheese version with truffle oil, obvi. But it comes in a microwavable container and requires the use of zero pots and pans.

10. Canned Black Beans

Remember the time you bought dry black beans? And realized that you need to let them soak for longer than 10 minutes (which is the extent of your attention span)? That kind of commitment gives you the same panic attacks that you get when you think about living in Fairfax, VA and owning a minivan.

11. Newman O’s

You want Oreos, but you are 25 and live in DC and you can’t be seen eating those on the stoop of your Eastern Market shared house. Prevent becoming a social pariah by purchasing the organic alternative.

12. Greek Yogurt

Isn’t it one of the new “New Super Foods”? Plus ladies, yoghurt is a natural combatant of YIs so eat up.

13. Chopped up Fruit

Do you even know how to cut a pineapple?

14. Trail Mix

In case you go on that hike. More likely, you’ll eat it when you realize that you have no real food in your fridge that would be ready to eat in under five minutes.

15. Organic Cleaning Supplies

You wouldn’t want the new guy you’re dating who works for the Earth Policy Institute to find a bottle of Windex lying around your apartment. You might as well just sit in front of him and shred reams of blank paper.

16. A Pair of Toms

Even if they break after 3 months, they are so comfortable! And you’re doing something great for the world. What a role model!

17. Cheese

The chances that you’re screwing someone who you’d be willing to give up cheese for are pretty slim. Definitely splurge for the Brie, you deserve it. Also calcium is important, and milk is a perishable that you can’t trust yourself to consume in a timely manner.

18. Peanut Butter

Shelf Life = Eternity.

19. Bread

Like Mindy Lahiri, you know the importance of bread as it relates to your daily alcohol consumption. You buy the kind with unidentified seeds over it, they call it “artisanal” or something.

20. Approximately $30 in their Prepared Food section

Once in a while you need a hot meal that doesn’t come from a Happy Hour menu. Chicken wings count, plus you put a lb. of garlicky kale and cucumber salad. Maybe, you’ll also get Sushi. Brown rice, of course.

*Bonus: If you’re feeling wild, you buy a piece of fish or meat that you plan on cooking using that cool new recipe you found on pinterest. You’ll find it in the back of your freezer three months later, when you’re looking for frozen lasagna.

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