My Gchat Friendships

1 Oct

I am so greatful for Gchat. Seriously! I’d say that I am able to maintain 76.43% of my friendships because of it. Because for some reason, all we (girls) (straight, yuppie, 20-something women to be precise) ever talk about is BoYzzzzz !!!! OMG 😉 and for some reason, I HATE TALKING ABOUT BOYS**. In that “I hate it but I love it so I won’t stop” way that also applies to me watching Dance Moms.

My role model and path enlightener

Honestly, it is SO great that your ex wants to get coffee on Tuesday after your Monday date with the guy you met at Saint Ex (who by the way called you, not texted you because he’s THAT type of guy). And I am so glad your college ex wants to tell you he misses you. IT IS SO GREAT.

“That’s great”, “makes sense”, “how do you feel?”,  “yaaaay!”  are probably my most frequently used responses. It helps that I give the best damn dating advice in town duh, so that also means I am really supportive of your “dating” decisions. Really, I am stuffing my face with my SECOND bagel of the morning, which is always chocolate chip, and looking at cat gifs. Not because I am sad and lonely, and worried that I’ll die alone. Not at all.

So everyday, I spend at least two hours on boy talk, which consists of you telling me about how difficult it is to juggle so many men. Or how the guy from Friday who wasn’t just looking to hook up waited 3 (three!) days to call you and and wants to take you out on Saturday!!?!? Or how your ex-boyfriend misses your relationship. Or how that random DFMO (dance floor make out) happens to be a great, educated, liberal, respectful dude. Or how all of the men contact you ON THE SAME DAY??

FYI, the whole time I am also shoe shopping and dress shopping and purse shopping and basically shopping for anything but men (because, we are still unable do that!?!?) while occasionally throwing in a “how do you feel about it?” or “omg that’s so exciting!”. If you wanted insight into my friends’ dating lives, just look at my spending habits. Or the number of “cute animals” buzzfeed lists I have on my browser history.


And then I try to talk about it with someone else because I can’t talk about it with you. About how jealous I am, and about how I don’t want to hear about it, and about how you’re just going to break up in a few months anyways! Except I can’t talk about it with someone else because that someone else obviously has her own issues to talk about.

At 5pm, I can finally close my computer, disconnect, leave the office and go to to happy hour to decompress and relax… where I will meet up with you. So I guess we’ll keep talking about it then?

**I obviously can’t talk enough about them when the boys are in relation to ME. Then understandably, we can talk about it for hours, and  I can be insecure, and scared, and excited and no one is allowed to hate it. Duh.


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