Archive | September, 2013

Brunch Review – The Chesapeake Room

30 Sep

by Capitol Jill

This weekend, a friend was visiting for a short time and we needed an early brunch place on Labor Day. Which was surprisingly difficult to find! Many places were closed or did not open till late. Thus, my friends and I stumbled into Ted’s Bulletin with hope and a prayer at 10:30, only to find a three hour wait. Solution? Oh look, there’s brunch next door!

So our group heads into the Chesapeake Room, a fancy-looking seafood restaurant that benefits from its great location and effective use of sandwich boards.

Now I love brunches, and I love trying new brunches. I’m a Stop Requested Lady, after all. Every place has its own unique feel, and I enjoy discovering that. But this place, I could not pin down. Here is the rundown:

 

Decor: fancy, upscale bar style. Wood paneling, leather booths, GIGANTIC FISH TANK (total highlight)

 

Music: night club-esque is the best way I can describe it. I was hungover, tired, and nursing a bloody mary — No part of that combination makes me want to listen to Ke$ha at 10:30 AM. This hurt.

 

Drinks : weak, overpriced bloody mary. Nothing special to report here, although they did seem to have a good selection of beers on tap. However, the day I order a beer at brunch is the day I turn in my pearls, so no thank you.

 

Food: Eh, not great. While I enjoyed my potato and ham hash with poached eggs, my friends were unimpressed by their fare. Not to mention the small portions.

 

Atmosphere: Two thumbs down. Not only were the servers rude, they did not even try to accommodate our size group (7 people, not a huge number!) and instead made us sit at two tables. This place was filled with older couples, not exactly our scene.

 

Overall Grade: C- (and I think I am being generous)

 

Verdict: Don’t go here for brunch unless you are desperate. Not when everywhere else on Barracks Row is more delicious (Banana cafe and Ambar, among many more!)

 until next time, happy brunches!

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

Barry, stop trying to make Syria happen

27 Sep

Like many twentysomething females in the District, I truly find current events just as enthralling as the ups and downs of Speidi’s relationship from 2008-2011.

(really, this is my favorite picture of all time)

BUT, for those of you that keep up with the Kardashians, but have no idea who OBL is; or alternatively, for those of you that know Damascus was not just a place where Jesus hung out, but can’t name a single one of Brangie’s children to save your life (although maybe you know where they were born!), or you’re somewhere in between…worlds collide in the following articles. Your knowledge of current events will SURELY impress your next OKC date (please don’t actually reference these articles on an OKC date…well, maybe do. I sure as shit would):

http://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/obama-asks-the-hill-to-bomb-syria-as-explained-by-the-hills

http://www.betcheslovethis.com/article/mean-girls-explains-the-syria-situation

 #brohugs and kisses,

Anne Broleyn

DTR or GTFO: On Relationships, Grey Areas, and Donuts

26 Sep

by Brownout Betty

A few weeks ago, I was told that me and a guy I had gone out with a few times needed to “DTR.” I’ll be honest, Betty was unfamiliar with this term. Was it a fried chicken and doughnut place in Dupont? Was it an upscale spinoff of a Jewish deli in Dupont? Was it another kitschy concept restaurant catering to 20-something young professionals in Dupont?

To my disappointment (because I was already getting hungry), it was not a restaurant at all. No, I was told, DTR refers to “define the relationship,” and it’s an acronym that perfectly encapsulates a problem particular to our generation.

The idea of the nebulous non-relationship relationship that needs definition isn’t new. Indeed, we hear a lot about hookup culture and how young people are turning to casual sex instead of relationships, mostly from the ever-insightful New York Times Styles section. But what our friends at the Grey Lady never quite seem to capture is, ironically, the grey areas. We never hear about the question marks, the blurred lines that the shifting nature of relationships creates, the confusing “what-are-we” questions that have given rise to an acronym like DTR. As I’m learning myself, the grey areas have serious implications for the way modern women think about their love lives.

The first and most obvious issue: the idea of casual hookups versus relationships is, of course, a false dichotomy. Everyone can relate to being in that no-man’s-land where it’s clearly more than just a casual thing, but it’s not ‘official’ yet. We’ve added ‘being exclusive’ as one understood point on the weird spectrum between casual and official, but even that doesn’t provide a ton of clarity about where you are. The R still needs to be D’ed, as it were.  That sounds dirty.

By the way, NYT style writers:  I’d also point out that things are not THAT different today than they were a generation ago. Back in the day, there was obviously a nebulous ‘we’re together but he’s not my boyfriend’ point in any blossoming relationship, as there is today. However, what’s different today, I think, is that you can stay on autopilot in a ‘casual hookup’ scenario for longer, because that’s an accepted category. Before, that grey area was understood as just a natural stop on the trajectory toward a relationship.

Now – and this is the key point – when you’re with someone casually, you don’t know if you’re on a trajectory at all. You might be on your way to being in a relationship, but you certainly can’t assume that, which means you have to watch how often you text and make sure you’re not overstaying your welcome in the morning. Alternatively, you might just be in a casual sex situation, but that lends itself to tons of overanalyzing when he asks if you want to “grab dinner.” Is that a date? Are we dating? What if he said “have dinner”? Isn’t that way more serious?

I’ve had all of these thoughts about the guy I’m currently ‘seeing’ (another convenient descriptor of a casual relationship that doesn’t actually tell you anything) and one thing strikes me: it is a goddamn waste of time. Not to go all Miss Independent on you, but I think of myself as a girl who has better things to do than sit around in the office and try and calculate how many hours it’s been since we talked and how that may or may not correlate to how long it took him to come last time or how many minutes over the socially acceptable limit I talked about my job or whatever. Why am I letting a guy do this to me? Especially a guy who doesn’t have the balls to commit and DTfuckingR?

I know, I know. And I feel like I’m setting feminism back 20 years every time I look at my phone.

That’s an exaggeration, obviously, but in all seriousness: aren’t confusion and ambiguity the price we pay for having more options? We’re not locked into rigid categories of relationships, and that’s theoretically a good thing. Historically, men have always had more choices when it comes to relationships. Now, we have choices too. But – and here’s the kicker – we don’t want to make them.  For whatever reasons, a lot of women don’t want to DTR, and so they tacitly choose to be in the no-man’s-land that they’re complaining about. Case in point: I could call up this guy right now and ask him ‘what are we?’ But am I going to do that? Fuck no. I prefer the ambiguity, the frantic Gchats to coworkers and girlfriends asking them what they think the last text means, all of it.

Bottom line: having choices makes things difficult, because you have to think, and you have to make tradeoffs. If you choose not to choose, which is essentially what  you’re doing if you’re in an undefined relationship, your payback for forgoing a tough decision is confusion about grabbing dinner vs. getting dinner vs. having dinner vs. going to dinner. If, on the other hand, you choose to have the ‘what are we’ conversation, you risk pushing him away or closing off options, but your reward is clarity.

Maybe you don’t want these choices. Maybe you prefer the olden days when either you were in a relationship or you weren’t, and hey, I don’t blame you for that. But I think that much of the story of young women defining their roles in the modern world of dating will be learning that we have these choices, and learning to make them work.

So am I going to DTR? Not yet. But I sure as hell am going to GBD. Come split a doughnut with me, ladies.

A Small Ode to Greatness

25 Sep

I’m very aware that my not-so-wanna-be hipster self is going to come out in this article… but it needs to be said: I loved Joss Whedon before he was cool.

Just recently as I was perusing through my soon to be very outdated stack of piled up magazines (Thank you United Airways miles), I saw my directing hero, Joss Whedon, gracing the cover of Entertainment Weekly. And all I can say is – It’s about time.

Long before The Avengers became a huge box office hit, this brilliant man gave us the one, the only, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy has been my favorite television show since I was in 5th grade. I can still remember the weird looks I got when I would tell my friends that it was my show of choice – instead of their versions of early 2000 classics such as The OC or The Real World. But Buffy never got the recognition it deserved. When I was in high school, you’d be hard pressed to find any article referencing this cult hit, let alone find it as a top choice on Netflix. So why is Buffy all of a sudden getting this (well deserved) attention? Most likely due to our society’s new found infatuation with clever, fast-talking superheroes (i.e. Iron Man)… of which Buffy is one of the first.

I first discovered this series when my cousin was visiting from out of town. We were both in middle school, pre- cell phones/iPads age, meaning we actually talked. And she told me all about this show her family had started watching about a cheerleader who killed vampires.

Woah. Stop right there. I hate scary things. I literally haven’t watched a horror movie since I was at a 4th grade sleepover. So as soon as she said the words “vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness”, I pretty much checked out. Nevertheless, my cousin knows me too well. She got me hooked with three words: Buffy the Musical.

Before I knew it, I was quoting lines from the Scooby Gang like it was my job. I worked buffyisms into casual conversation, and naturally thought myself quite clever.

32 Ways You Relate To Xander On "Buffy"

I covered my walls with cut-up calendar pictures of the cast and spent hours looking at Buffy fan sites – I even made a name for myself on the imdb chat board. Yes. I was that nerd. Of course, I truly believed that David Boreanaz was the hottest man on earth (Wait… I still do).

And to this day, I can sing every word to “Once More With Feeling”. Buffy embedded itself into my young adult life, opening me up to an entirely different type of television. Its wildly innovative plot lines combined with the undeniable chemistry between characters made the show a staple part of my growing up. Not only was it engaging enough to relate to viewers that span generations, it was so complex that to fully grasp it, you literally had to do your research. I learned to appreciate television in an entirely different way. And this was all thanks to Joss.

10 years after the series finale, Whedon finally finds himself on top. I wrote this article in honor of his new TV show “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D” which premiered last night. Although I will never deny the achievements of his latest hits, let’s take a moment to commemorate one of the most influential comedy/dramas that our generation will ever see, and the creator that envisioned it all. There are literally thousands of papers and articles written on the complexity of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They speak volumes of the effort that went into putting this masterpiece (yes, that’s what I called it) together. And in case it wasn’t obvious… I think it would be a shame for anyone to not give the Chosen One, or at least Joss Whedon, the chance to prove it.

Cheers to you, Joss.

Belle

On Singledom and Being Single

24 Sep

by Stacie Smack

So many of my friends “just want to be single”. They fall into relationships too easily – they are the “commitment” types. They just find these great interesting guys willing to pay attention to them and they just happen to start dating and within a month, they just happen to be spending every night together, and this happens totally unintentionally. Or so they say….

But here’s how it really goes:

“I just want to be single for a while – meet some randos. I’m done with relationships” is what one of them will say after a breakup. So we get dolled up, we pre-game, and we head to Brass Monkey. And then we troll for men. I’m not going to lie, I have an eye for the single dudes at bars (which in DC happens to be 4 out 5 guys who go to Brass Monkey because, well, it’s Brass Monkey). Hi! Meet Jacob, or Lance, or Dave, or that guy, or the tall dude, or the one in the blue shirt… by 2am and 6 tequila shots later, I just point and say “drunkkkkkk, sex? friend”. But then it gets too real for her, and they just want jumbo-slice. So we go home and my newly single friend who didn’t make out with anyone is upset. “But that’s fine,” I say, “That’s what being single is.” Singledom. One person. Alone.

But not for you.

Let’s talk about what you think being single entails. You walk out in your sexy outfit (bandage skirt and generic forever 21 top and flats, because hello, DC). And then a spotlight lights up the path you walk on because you are on a runway and every guy at the bar, who is obviously educated, cute, and not a dick is staring at you – wanting you. Because all they have to do is look at you to know that you are amazing, and that you are the one who is going to turn them from Perpetual Bachelor to Relationship Man. And guys are just going to walk up to you with free drinks and witty rapport, with no intention of taking off your pants. And you get to make out with all of them! YAY!

Oh, wait a second…

The truth is you aren’t going on regular dates. You set up a OkCupid profile and get Hinge, but quickly realize that there are zero prospects out there. You probably will have to replace the batteries of your vibrator more frequently than you are willing to admit. Or maybe you have to go and buy one (I’ve got tips for you). But you eventually exit Singledom, and that’s where your path and mine divert.

Here’s what will happen to you.

Three weeks will pass, and you hate the single life. Congratulations! You’ve gotten a tiny taste of my life. But then. Then, it all changes because you are you (and I seem to be the opposite of you). You meet a guy and go on perfect dates, twice on the same week, because he is completely infatuated with you. And you refuse to accept that you are in an exclusive committed relationship: “we are still dating other people”. Oh yeah? Who else are you dating? No one, because you don’t want to since deep somewhere in your chest (your heart probably, because you have one) you know you found the “real thing”. And you’ll be “single” long enough to be able to say “yeah, I was single for a month”.  I promise you, you’ll be living together within two months.

It must be nice, right?

Well this is why Singledom and being single are different. You were single until you had enough; you are a commitment type. I am a member of Team Singledom. Here’s how it goes for me, how it really is:

I manage to convince myself every few weeks that I’ve become desensitized to being a  third wheel, but let’s be honest here, there is a small fire building inside that’s about to explode with resentment from spending time with all the stupid happy couples. I listen to you tell me that it’s because I am too interesting, too confident, too busy. Are YOU trying to date me? No, so please shut up. I try to feel independent and assertive and unattached. I spend hours convincing myself that I am happy without a man, but we all know the truth. I am not happy.

I Don’t Support That, Volume I – The Butthole

23 Sep

The first in a series of things that Capitol Jill does not support. Everything is fair game, dear reader. 

*(To preface this post, it should be said that I don’t judge others for their sexual proclivities. But I still might have an opinion!)*

I think it’s all well and good that some people enjoy having their butthole touched. Played with. Pleasured. Or whatever people do with those. But that’s just the thing… SOME people. Not ALL people. Namely not this lady.

I am not one of those “some people.” If I have invited you into my bed, and things are happening (i.e. the girls are out, and you’re allowed to touch them), and you decide to head anywhere near that general area… well…

STOP REQUESTED. Now please GTFO.

Or at least ask first, so I can firmly turn you down once and for all.

And no, I don’t think its one of those things you “just have to try.”

My verdict has been issued: I don’t support that.

Thanks, Mama June, for being gif-tastic and awesome.

Stay tuned for the next “I Don’t Support That, Volume II – the Ugg boot.

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

The First of Many Lists

20 Sep

This week I’ve done a bit of drinking thinking about what my blog is supposed to be about. I’ve never done this before. I wouldn’t consider myself an accomplished writer by any means. And as you’ll soon discover, I am the worst decision maker of all time. So to overcome my serious writer’s block, I’ve sat down with my favorite Belgian White – Blue Moon – and come up with a list of subjects that I imagine will likely make appearances throughout these next few months.

1. Negative, but likely ironic, day to day experiences/feelings. That is to say I’m afraid that this might happen. People love to complain – and I’m no exception. Consider it one of my many character flaws. But it’s not just because I enjoy the feeling of being comforted at the end. Actually, it’s also because of you, dear readers. Why am I afraid that the majority of my blogs will be complaints about relationships, friends, family, work, society, crappy movies, and Miley Cyrus? Because that’s what many people enjoy reading about. Have you heard of the term schadenfreude? The first time I heard the word was in the musical number in Avenue Q (youtube it, bro). In their words, Schadenfreude is “happiness at the misfortune of others.” Sure, it’s nice to hear good news about friends or family – someone recovering from an illness, a friend being accepted into a great school, or your sister finding a fabulous pair of boots for under $25. But tell me it doesn’t irk you to log onto facebook and see yet another friend who is suddenly engaged to her boyfriend of 14 months whenever you’ve been riding the struggle bus with yours for over 3.5 years. Or find out your co-worker is going on yet another Caribbean cruise that Daddy dearest is paying for. Wouldn’t you rather read an article that you can relate to, and possibly even feel a little bit better about yourself in the process? Exactly. Schadenfreude. If you still don’t believe me that schadenfreude is real, remember the feeling you got when you found out Kim Kardashian was getting a divorce after 72 days…? Yup. Sometimes it just feels good to see the mighty fall.

Continue reading

My Brunch Rebuttal

20 Sep
by Stacie Smack.
 
 

I LOVE BRUNCH.

Source

Recently, a blogger that I would deem as my inspiration in life and the person that I strive to become everyday, published an article on why he hates brunch. And all I can say is: David, you are doing it wrong.

First of all, it is better than dinner AND it has steak. Maybe you need better friends who actually know where to go. Because, I exclusively get my weekly serving of protein on the weekends and most of it comes from brunch.

Secondly, so what if my line cook was out til 5 am? I was probably grinding up on him last night anyways, so at least I know we can all relish in the hangover together. Brunch creates a community of camaraderie and friendship. It has the power to bring our nation together. Plus, it’s the only socially acceptable time to wear sunglasses indoors and the same dress you were wearing the night before.

Source

Third of all, Brunch is the weekend version of El Centro’s Thursday late night open bar. It is simply the continuation of your Saturday night and Sunday morning. Without skipping a beat, you can transition from Vodka Sodas to pregame, to Tequila shots at 3am, throw in a slice of Pizza and by noon your stomach is ready to bring on the champagne. If that’s not how you’re doing it, you’re doing it wrong.

Fourth. It’s not one “Eggs Benny”. It’s fucking four orders of them – crab, ham, salmon AND a wildcard. Because at brunch, you don’t just drink bottomlessly. You eat bottomlessly. And if you were a real man, you’d be eating every item on that menu. FYI, that’s why it takes so long.

Lastly, you ask why I have to see my friends again? HELLO, so that we can discuss all of the things that happened after we left each other. Really, there’s no other socially acceptable venue to discuss whether or not having to walk out on the balcony topless to fish for your bra at 9am at I-think-his-name-was-Ricky’s apartment was slutty or exactly the right level of sexy.

Source

David, here are some pro-tips for you:

– Always ask for the Mimosa Pitcher, don’t wait for the waiter to come around pouring it for you.

-Always get the steak and eggs. Which is always available.

-Don’t go to brunch with your acquaintances. Go to brunch with the same people you were out with last night because you never went home in the first place.

-Ordering a side of bacon for your side of bacon is mandatory.

Stay tuned for our in-depth analysis of Casual Brunch v. DC Brunch.

The 10 Guys Who Will Never Date You

20 Sep

An official response to the Cloture Club article “ The 10 DC Guys We’ve All Dated”

Like all the ladies of Stop Requested, I found this article very funny and entertaining. While I did love it, I would like to point out the one major flaw — boys in DC don’t date!

And if they do, I certainly haven’t met any of them! Let’s assume for the sake of this post that its not my fault…

 

(oh office, why did you ever start to suck?)

So, in light of these facts, and my perpetual singledom, here is what I think about each “type” of guy on this list, and why they will never date me.

1. The Chill Republican Dude – One of three scenarios can happen here: he’s either

  • gay, but will never admit/talk about it,
  • has a girlfriend elsewhere (Canada perhaps?) that he met on the campaign or

  • has a fear of committing to anyone he won’t be engaged to in a year or less. If he likes it, he wants to make sure he’s got a ring on it ASAP.

He also might be too busy skeet shooting and campaigning to take back the Senate.

2. Gone Every Weekend Guy – Girlfriend. Always. Why else would he leave every weekend? Because he’s getting it somewhere else, that’s why. Otherwise, why on earth would somebody go out in Maryland when DC has places such as the Brixton or the Biergartenhaus?

3. Closeted Type-A Guy – Prefers penis. You can offer him nothing, unless you are hiding said penis.

4. Enigma Guy – Doesn’t believe in relationships, so therefore dating is a waste of time. Also probably has more than one disease you don’t want to pick up from one of the numerous exotic countries he has visited (and slept around).

5. Outside the Beltway Guy – Asking him out would not only depend upon an emotional requirement, but a time requirement as well. He won’t commute OR commit. Double whammy. In addition, do you really want to be taking the red line every time he makes a booty call?

6. From-Here Guy – Girlfriend. Why else would he still live in his hometown? Sure, it’s DC, but I find issues with any young 20-something who lives near their parents or where they grew up. Just saying.

7. Lost Southern Guy – Chances are he has a Sweet Home Alabama girl waiting for him, ready to pop out babies and decorate his southern mansion. Why would he waste his time on you?

8. Clarendon Guy – Asking for commitment and a commute? Have you tried to take the Orange/Blue line on the weekend? Its a cluster. Don’t bother, because he won’t do either, no matter how much you make it worth his while.

9. Organic Kale Guy – Gay as a maypole. Or does not shower, in which case YOU should reject HIM. Being green is not an excuse to smell like garbage.

10. Really Important Guy – The only relationship he wants is one that gets him closer to a power figure. So if you’re not the daughter of someone important, take a hike. He sees no reason to date unless it gets him something.

Every time I meet an attractive man in DC, he always seems to fit into one of these categories. Girl can’t catch a break!

So, dear readers, any ideas what kind of men DO date in dc? Because I can’t seem to find any!

XOXO,

Capitol Jill

#PSL

20 Sep

via

Oh, this is about me. I absolutely LOVE FALL. (If you’ve got that summertime sadness, please click here). I purchased and tweeted about (obvs) my first venti non fat extra hot Pumpkin Spice Latte (#PSL) of the season on September 4th, when it was 85 degrees here in the district (caveat for not purchasing on September 1, I was on a 4 day bender somewhere south of the Mason Dixon).

After somewhere around four too many vodka sodas last night, I found myself wasting away this beautiful feels-like-fall day on my couch. I trekked to Starbucks for a PSL and am bundled up in last year’s lulus and fratagonia, (p.s. didn’t you always love your boyfriend’s Patagonia more than yours because it was roomier and lightweight? They now have a women’s version of my favorite men’s design, adding to my shopping list for a rainy day or another paycheck) watching Kardashian reruns with the air conditioning off and the windows wide open. I decided if I’m not going to spend this perfect day outside, despite my fellow SR ladies’ best efforts to get my ass downtown to shop and nosh (Happy Yom Kippur Stace, how’d that fast go?), I might as well gear my closet up for fall!

My country-club-Republican-but-secretly-backwoods mother has owned these for as long as I can remember; seriously, the EXACT. SAME. PAIR. For 20 years! I’m currently super into “investment” pieces for my closet; timeless, high quality pieces that my daughters will be begging to borrow in 30 years (maybe I should find a boyfriend first). Of course, now that I’m off my parents’ payroll and supporting my shopping habit with my teensy tiny D.C. paycheck, I’m lusting after these classic Bean Boots on steroids, and absolutely have to have them in case shit gets real again this year.

Next up, another “investment” piece. I already have a beloved late fall jacket, but am in the market for something a little more versatile and casual. Cue another classic, the Barbour Utility Jacket. I can add a liner for chillier days, or go au natural on crisp days to pop over to brunch or the office! I’m also coveting this Barbour for J Crew version, but the price is a little steeper than I wanted to go. #Protip: for the same style, but a fraction of the price, go this route.

Aside from WUN too many of these in various styles, my final purchase of the day was a serious game changer. Drum roll please, for the sweater I will surely try to get away with wearing every day….merino. leather. pocket. SWEATER. TUNIC. Oh baby. I hope you all love this because I plan to purchase this variation as well, and you will be seeing a lot of it. The only thing I love more than investment pieces are versatile pieces, and this sweet thing has got it all goin’ on. One more plus, use the code FALLSTYLE at checkout for 25% off at J Crew!

I’ll give my bank account a break for the rest of the day, but I make no promises as to what’s in store for next weekend….

#brohugs and kisses

AB