KARDASHIAN KONVERSATION

17 Jul

Since productivity in the workplace is rarely super high on our list of things to do on a Thursday, Anne and Belle decided to have an entire conversation using only Kardashian Gifs. Did it make sense? Not really… Was it totally worth the 4 hours spent doing it? Absolutely.

In reality, we could actually see all of those gifs playing out in one long, real life, Kardashian Konversation… and no one would be surprised.

Opening Question: Do you have any men you need found on the internet? 

 

image

keeping-up-with-the-jenners:</p><br />
<p>1/10 fav Kim kardashian quotes<br /><br />
No, Mason… THANK YOU, and the rest of your self-destructive and ever gif-worthy family for continuously providing the world with reasons to believe that if nothing else, at least you aren’t them.
XOXOXO,
Anne & Belle

 

State of the Stacie (and her Love Life)

8 Jul

Interesting (to me) things are happening in Stacie’s mind right now.

As I may have mentioned before, after 1.5 years of “meeting” as many high caliber DC men as possible on a weekly basis and one dragged out casual-hook-up-turned-obsession, I decided to give the whole exclusive thing a try.

Eight months later, I’m still kind of digging it. As the SR ladies know, I’ve had crazy fluctuating feelings about it, from tears worried that he wanted to dump me to moments of anger wishing I could dump the dweeb. Super stable, obvi. But lately, I’ve started getting more into it, wishing he was in my bed more often, not wanting to leave his place on Sunday, well you get the idea.

Just based on the last few weeks, I have a sense that he wants to tell me he loves me. Maybe I think too much of myself, but I don’t think that’s what it is. The fact that my reaction to this feeling is that I’m worried has made me ask myself a lot of new questions that I didn’t expect. And because this blog is just an exercise in self-indulgence, I will share my thoughts and questions.

I don’t think I can say it back. Honestly, I don’t know if I do or don’t. There are things about him that I like a lot. There are things about him that I can’t stand. Ultimately, I know he’s not someone I “want to end up with”.

And what baffles me is that I hate saying that. I hate the tendency that relationships have to be framed in that context. Why does it have to be about ending up with someone? Why can’t we just date and hang out now in the present and really like each other until we don’t anymore? Well, because maybe he’s 27 and that’s equally as close to 24 as it is to 30 and his friends are starting to move in with their significant others, and because I hear so many stories about people who “wasted three years” dating someone.

I don’t think it’s wasting time if you’re dating someone who you don’t intend to marry. I mean, I don’t think most people decide who to date exclusively based on marriage potential, do they? I don’t even want to get married, so does that mean that I shouldn’t date? Obviously not. Hopefully. But what if he does? What if he’s like so many other guys I know that strangely like to break up with girls by saying “I just can’t see myself being married to you”. Am I being mean to him by making him think that this is the “real thing” or whatever when that’s not at all where I stand?

Perhaps, the solution to this problem is actually talking. If we each bring up our feelings and wants and needs in life, all of these questions could be answered right? But let me remind you that I am the girl that when asked how he could introduce me to his friends I responded with “your pimp, number 1 slam piece, or madame of the night”. And then we literally never talked about it again. So as you can see, the likelihood of us having an honest conversation about things is not something I see in the horizon, unless I’m wasted.

And maybe, my inability to talk about things sheds some more light on the situation. Shouldn’t I feel comfortable and able to talk about things with the guy I’ve been seeing for eight months exclusively? Honestly, I don’t think I ever will. I’m not someone who who likes talking with anyone! Imagine having to talk about feelings with the guy that I let “pound me so hard” on a weekly basis.

Am I going to look like an asshole if I can’t say I love you back?

Is it dragging him along if I know I don’t want to date him forever? Despite the fact that I do legitimately like him and I am really enjoying being with him?

For now, I’m just relishing how good things are going. I’m letting him treat me like no guy has ever treated me before. I’m letting him show me things he likes, I’m taking him out to eat to places that I enjoy, I’m loving the sex, and I’m giving into spending an entire Sunday wearing his shirt, watching Game of Thrones, and eating chinese food, without stepping foot outside. And it is good.

The Gchat Betrayal

2 Jul

Gchat and I have always been BFF’s. It makes me laugh, it makes me sigh. When people ask me what I do at work, I tell them I Gchat like a boss. But Gchat betrayed me, and I may never look at it the same way again.

You may remember Derek, my “friend” who I may or may not have gone on a date with depending on who you ask. Well, Derek and I still hang out. And for weeks I continued to consciously ignore the building sexual tension that accompanied our trips to chipotle, watching an occasional movie, and my personal favorite – going to a shooting range. This all changed whenever one night, after finishing up a documentary about education reform (very sexy stuff) he kissed me.

Crap. This is what I had been trying to avoid. I like Derek, and I know he likes me more… But I can’t date him, or anyone, at this point because when it comes to relationships I am anything but stable right now. And I care about him too much to just string him along until I figure out what my issues are and possibly royally screw him over.

This is where Gchat comes into play.

The following morning, I log onto my work computer, immediately pull up Gmail (like every other human being in America, this is always my first task), and see who is online. One of my best friends from college is on and immediately I begin my story. I tell her how we were hanging out, he kissed me, and I told him it was a bad idea and that we needed to stop. At this point in the conversation, Derek also messaged me on Gchat (you may see where this is going). Wanting to give my girlfriend some background information on Derek, I copy a link to his facebook page and paste it into the Gchat box.

It was the wrong Gchat box.

But did I stop there? Oh no. In fact, here is, word for word, exactly what I sent to Derek before realizing who I was messaging:

Me:

Here’s his facebook… feel free to creep away
he went to ******* college and now works at The ********
I think his job is super sexy
and he himself isn’t unattractive
Oh my god
OH MY GOD
Shit
Derek
I’m so sorry
That wasn’t meant to send to you
oh my god
Fuck
I’m so so sorry

I couldn’t believe I had done that. Gchat had betrayed me. Hadn’t we gone through enough together? Hadn’t I confided all of my secrets to it/friends over the past years? Why had it automatically popped up Derek’s chat box when I was speaking to my other friend??

At this point, my hands were literally shaking as I awaited some form of a response from Derek. My co-workers, who aren’t used to me saying anything more offensive than “damn” were quite shocked to hear me exclaim the F-word for anyone within a 30 foot radius to hear.

Finally, Derek messaged back saying: Well… that was flattering. He claims that it was “cute” and “funny” and that I had nothing to worry about… But obviously I did worry about it. Not only did I humiliate myself, but I also completely reversed any thought in his mind that I wanted to keep things between us as “just friends”.

I know that it could have been worse. I could have insulted him, or given away even more mortifying comments before catching myself. But the point is, this happened. Gchat went rogue. And a week later, I’m terrified to take myself off of the “invisible” status.

Some day, I hope to rekindle the passion and vigor I had used with my favorite messaging system. But I believe our relationship needs to take a step back so we can re-evaluate things. Until then, it looks like I’ll have to do real life things during the day… like work.


Belle.

An Unusual Double Standard

1 Jul

“Ugh, he just loves me SO much. I can’t even”, I say to my friend Meghan for the third time in our 45-minute long daily phone conversation, which in case you were wondering covers anything from relationship to metabolism statuses.

Yes, I am annoyed that this man is being too available, giving me too much attention, and treating me too well. I can’t really understand it… I obviously am sick of being treated like dirt, over and over again. Shouldn’t I welcome this change?

I haven’t yet figured out what’s going on, but a long time ago, Betty and I drew an interesting parallel that we’ve observed in our statistically significant sample (ie. our 20 friends).

Being easy.

Every woman reading this right now can probably accurately define being easy as a woman. And though we probably don’t call men easy, we can probably think of at least one guy who is. What do I mean by this?

A woman is easy when… she sleeps with a guy on the first date.

A man is easy when… he texts immediately after a date telling you he had a good time.

A woman is easy when… she goes home with a dude from a bar.

A man is easy when… he is willing to rearrange his schedule to go on a date with you.

A woman is easy when… she’s willing to be a 2am booty-call.

A man is easy when… he tells you he likes you.

A woman is easy when… a guy can kick her out of her apartment at 4am and she does leave.

A man is easy when… he just wants to cuddle you when you show up at his place drunk at 2am.

Obviously these are outrageous generalizations (and really weird ones). But you get the idea… So many of us get turned off by guys who are willing to put forth their emotions and actually show interest in us. I don’t mean the clinger who thinks that two dates makes you his boyfriend. I mean the guy who’s always willing to sleepover at your place, without ever asking you to go over. The guy who buys you a thoughtful christmas present, even though you got him nothing. The guy who’s willing to drive you home on the weekend, so that you don’t have to wait for the metro.

I spend a lot of time being angry about the fact that having a very active sex life played by my own rules categorizes me as “slutty”, “easy” and “undateable”. And yet, I am a huge hypocrite who judges guys negatively for not insulting me at a bar, or not wanting to go home with me from the bar but rather just wanting my number. We need to stop doing both things. A guy is not referred to as neither slutty or easy when he behaves like I do. Let’s stop calling women that! And a woman is not undateable when she gets a guy a thoughtful gift or keeps his favorite beer in her fridge.

Why should men then be undateable when they are emotionally available?

Why should women be undateable when they manage their sex lives how they want to?

I’m not saying that we need to start a movement to defend men, BY ANY MEANS. Those little shits definitely don’t need our help in life, amirite? But I guess I do think it’s an interesting dichotomy in the blogiterature of dating and relationships, and such.

Dear Stale Bagels, Where is thy HEAT?

18 Jun

I’m done with online dating.**

After what I’d like to think of as an absurd amount of just okay first dates, almost all of which originating from some kind of online dating app, I might be throwing in the towel. I am in the process of adhering to Stacie’s advice about accepting a second date, because I believe her logic is sound. However, I think as a whole, this online dating thing is just not for me.

Initially the idea of going on lots of dates each week was incredibly appealing.

Coming from someone who has spent 85% of my last 6 years of life in a relationship, I relished the notion of having new conversations with different guys, the anxious butterfly feeling when meeting them for the first time, the opportunity to experience something brand new and not know what to expect! But, and I know this goes without saying, dating in DC is hard.

Most of the months that followed the demise of my 5 year relationship involved a total disregard of typical dating. I just wasn’t interested. I was cool with meeting dudes at bars, semi-poor life decisions, and whatever, but I wasn’t ready to hop on the dating bandwagon quite yet. That’s when my friends discovered Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, Hinge, etc. And I figured #WHYNOT.

My past relationships usually spurned from friendship, or at least mutual activities. Unlike Blind Bagel dates, there was no need to discuss topics like where I’m from, what college he went to, or what we do in our spare time. Conversation flowed easily, and pauses never felt awkward. Why? Because I had already invested in this person. The spark was already there. With online dating, all you have is the hope that something in the initial 45 minutes of conversation will capture your attention enough to stick around for another round of drinks. But more times than not, all I really felt like doing after my first beer was crawling into bed with my iPad and cottage cheese to watch more netflix. That would be 800 times more enjoyable than hearing about their desire to live a more active lifestyle

These guys that I go on dates with aren’t bad (well, most of them aren’t). They’re intelligent, well-traveled, have more or less interesting and stable jobs, and I’m sure have excellent futures ahead of them. So why is it that last night I left a quite attractive and well-spoken date after one drink in a bar because I’d rather watch Inside Combat Rescue with my friend and his dog? I DO NOT KNOW. Other than the fact that there was once again, there was zero spark.

As our wise Betty once said to me, “I think online dating has made it so much about trying out the different guys as if they were dresses and trying to fit them into the right boxes that we forget there IS such thing as an immediate spark.” Personally, I would rather find a guy in a bar who I felt immediate chemistry with, rather than pray that it magically appears while I spill Korean BBQ tacos on my skirt with them at dinner. I’d rather go on a date with someone I already know who I have shared interests with and can talk to, than click “Like” on another sexy 6’3 Jewish man on CMB. The idea of meeting a stranger is exciting – but only until you actually meet them. (Side note, I will always support the sheer entertainment of tinder.) But it doesn’t seem like it’s for me. The question is, will I stop?

The answer, dear readers, is likely a resounding no.

I’ll continue to swipe right, click like, make small talk, and venture on to many more Just Fine dates in the following weeks. Why (besides the fact that I’m getting a ridiculous amount of free food)? Because I’m desperate to think that one time, it’s going to be different. Maybe this guy who talked about making Baklava with his mom will be sweet. Maybe this guy who travels to Europe 4 times a year will be interesting. Maybe this guy with the picture of him playing a piano means he appreciates the same things that I do. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. I’m sure we all know the outcome of this already. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to heed my own advice from my own article.

Thus, I jump back into the never-ending cycle of just fine dates that, if nothing else, result in great brunching topics of conversation. I have yet to find a spark of heat in a single one of them. But who knows… Maybe someday my bagels won’t be stale. Or not.

B.

(**I am not done with online dating.)

 

Scattered thoughts

16 Jun

By Capitol Jill

I’ve been a bit MIA lately, due to a weird combination of not having anything to say or having too MUCH to say. But here are the random thoughts I’ve been having recently, in no particular order:

 

1. This article is gold. Titled “7 things to tell yourself when you are single”, it manages to capture my feelings on the subject. I think the girls and I have had this conversation many times. My favorite: you are the most important person in your life.

2. Cat GIFS are the best. This list covers a lot of good ones, if you’re a newbie. Thanks Buzzfeed, this is exactly what I needed during a 12 hour work day! try NOT to laugh while reading this one.

The Best Cat GIF Post In The History Of Cat GIFs

3. I tried to take Stacie‘s advice and say yes to a second date, but the first one was SO BAD. Not just boring, but he reminded me of an ex boyfriend. Nice try, Coffee Meets Bagel.

4. I finally went on a good date this weekend. What made it a good date? I can’t even pinpoint one thing. Conversation flowed, I wasn’t self conscious about being myself, he didn’t assume I was going to sleep with him, and I just had FUN. (It definitely beat Belle’s “just fine” category). Three hours went by, and it felt like thirty minutes. I’m chalking this one up as a success and hoping the next one goes as well!

5. I’ve just caught on to the morning smoothie trend. I am so in.

6. Another cat GIF because MONDAYS.

The 15 Funniest Cat GIFs Of The Summer

 

P.S. Sadie, my dear cat,  is also mystified by the toilet.

 

Have a great week!

XOXO

Capitol Jill

you spin me right round baby

13 Jun

Last Saturday after a particularly boozy/bougie brunch, I was jammed in an Uber with three boys from U Street to Virginia. In the approximately thirty minutes it took us to make the 4 mile trip, conversation sure got interesting. By interesting, I don’t mean any part of it had me particularly entertained, but my mood did a serious 360 at the sight of something I have been craving for months…

SOUL CYCLE DC!!!

I hadn’t been in the West End area in quite some time (sorry, no reason to stay at the Ritz or bop around with my [nonexistent] puppy at the dog park), and had only heard rumors and read the various articles about the mythical place. I was thrilled. I started screeching and screaming nonsense that none of the boys cared about, who then started lecturing me about how silly it is to pay $20 to ride a bike inside when I could easily waltz over to Capital Bikeshare and ride one around the Nation’s Capital. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (also I didn’t scold them for their casual underpricing of SC, what they don’t know won’t hurt them).

I’ve gone to spin for quite awhile in DC after trying it out in college and my previous home. I wasn’t a total convert until I realized that the Campaign 15 (20………) wasn’t coming off quite the way I had envisioned, and the DC 15 was eerily close to being a part of my life.

I currently go to spin at a smaller studio, and I’m sure I’ll continue going there even after SC opens because they have 2 locations super convenient for me and the price point is definitely more at my level than SC’s. But you bet I’ll make my fair share of appearances at SC. I went a couple of months without going to spin because my budget was tight, and I just wasn’t feeling terribly motivated for tough workouts in general. Since going back I’ve realized how. much. better. I. feel. I truly do enjoy working out, but in order to make it count, and not just waste 45 minutes aimlessly on the elliptical watching Kardashians, I need motivation. And not in the form of my friend running on the treadmill next to me, in the form of a small, fierce woman screaming at me in a dark room with music so loud I’m thinking about my Abercrombie employment days in 2007.

A lot of my friends have asked me how I make it to spin class at 6am during a stressful work week, or at 8am after a night of shenanigans that didn’t put me to bed until 5am. Well, I buy credits in advance and schedule my workouts for the week on Monday. I’m currently out of credits and am not really in the position to buy a ton right now, so I’ve been slumming it this week in my own gym and I can tell. I’m having trouble sleeping, I’m not as energized, and I’ve STRUGGLED to get in a long workout in the morning, instead sleeping in most days, and running downstairs to the elliptical for 20 minutes and having to go back at night to finish up.

Do y’all have tips for me on how to motivate myself more without dropping so much money on spin classes? I love the workout, but it definitely puts a strain on my wallet. If I could cut down to one class a week and fill in the other days with better, worthwhile workouts on my own, I would be thrilled (but would still definitely miss my classes)! Now that it’s summer and I discovered a tennis court right around the corner, I’m hoping my parents can dig up my high school tennis racket and I can get into playing!

Anybody else looking forward to Soul Cycle’s grand opening?

#BROHUGS

 

The Just Fine First Date Conversation Guide

12 Jun

Well, it’s official: Betty’s no longer an online dating virgin. I went on a date last week via Coffee Meets Bagel, a Stacie-endorsed online dating app, and I survived. Go me.

The date itself was okay. Really, there was nothing wrong with it – the guy looked like he did in his profile, he had all his teeth, he had a job, and conversation flowed fine.

But if I’ve learned anything from the professional schmoozers that run this city, it’s that making conversation isn’t that high of a bar. Indeed, anyone can make conversation in #thistown. It doesn’t mean there’s a spark, and it doesn’t mean the date was a home run.

In fact, it feels like conversation on these just-fine-but-that’s-it dates is sadly predictable. And if you’re not into it, it’s really easy to just converse at the lowest acceptable level – even if you’re the best of conversationalists. If your date is just fine and neither of you give a fuck, here’s what you’ll almost definitely talk about:

Whether you’ve been here before. It’s a great harmless opener. You look around appreciatively. “I’ve never been here before but my friend Jim loves it! Great suggestion!” [Alternative: “Oh wow I’ve only ever been here for brunch! I’m so excited to try it!]

How you got here. This is also another safe conversation starter. I am guilty of employing it as an awkward way to ease into the conversation. It’s literally the most boring thing you could bring up so no wonder I’m single.

Token metro complaint. 

You waited TWELVE MINUTES for the red line???

Where you live. This will allow you to make all of the conversation about your favorite bars and restaurants in that area, your coworker who lives there and you went to a party there once, on and on. The sky’s the limit. Just don’t make a face when you find out it’s Gaithersburg. Or do.

How you got here. Nope, not a repeat of above. I mean how you got to DC. How you made it big in #thistown, if you will. Note that you’ve gotten this far with only purely surface conversations. I bet you’re halfway done with your beer by now! You almost get to leave!

What you do. I mean obviously because #DC, but actually I have a lot of respect for people who don’t ask about this in the first five minutes. My recent date was one of those people, so props to him – although that was admittedly preempted by the fact that Coffee Meets Bagel profiles include your employer because they know that we’re all job snobs. Sigh.

College. Now I realize why no one shuts the fuck up about college. It’s because a) it’s the last time any of us was interesting and b) (relatedly) it’s the perfect safe conversation topic. You went to college? Oh thank god me too. Tell me about it! Tell me about your late night food adventures and all nighters in the library and your spring break trip. I’ll just listen. It’s easier that way. Keep talking!

Do we have to talk about it?

Running and/or fitness. Seriously, fuck this town for being so fucking fit and making me feel like I always need to be on an intense fitness regime or at least planning on starting one. The upside of that is that your date probably feels the same way so you can probably find some common ground talking about how you really want to run a half marathon but you just weren’t sure if you could do it and then sigh your knee got fucked up. NO WAY! ME TOO! [Side note: my Coffee Meets Bagel date was totally intense and was modestly talking about 50 mile runs or some shit. GOOD. BYE.]

 

There you have it. I hope to God at least one of those generated some conversational detours along the way, but I guarantee you you hit most or all of those between gulps of G&T as you attempt to figure out if you can see yourself ever sharing your life – or at least your bed – with this person.

DISCLAIMER: I am not advocating that these are things that should be discussed on a date. What I have provided is a literal recipe for a mediocre date. WE CAN DO BETTER! On the best first date I can recall, we talked about everything from celebrity crushes to favorite Mexican restaurants to stupid movies we liked. Be the change you wish to see in your dates, ladies. But just know that they can’t all be winners. And remember that at the end of even the most boring date, you always – always! – get to go home.

 

 

 

Is sharking a shellfish?

6 Jun

I love to take care of people. Cooking, cleaning, holding hair back while vomiting, if it involves you needing something I can fulfill (yup, even that), I can most likely be convinced to do it. I’ve talked before about how I often succumb to being too responsible, and I’m back at it again!

One thing that is apparent in my current life is my unbelievable ability to cockblock myself. Yes, you read that correctly. I keep cockblocking myself via my friends, because I LOVE TO TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE. And I worry too much.

Are you so drunk that you may take the metro all the way to the end of the yellow line and then get stuck with a guy with long fingernails? Well then you just come home with me and we’ll eat some pizza, and I’ll tuck you safely into my couch. Do you need to go home because you can’t stop crying about your ex boyfriend from 7 years ago that just got engaged? No worries, we can go home at 12 and watch the latest episode of the Bachelorette even though I’ve already seen it 4 times. OMG you feel barfy? KK NEXT UBER ASAP, IDGAF THAT IT’S ONLY 8PM!

You get the point. I massively cockblocked myself last weekend which sent me spiraling into the reality that, okay, sometimes it’s really necessary that I make sure everybody get home okay (i.e. nobody should ride the metro all the way to the end of the yellow line because that’s scary), but what ever happened to shoving somebody into a cab and getting back to your conversation with that cute guy? WHY IS EVERYBODY ELSE CAPABLE OF DOING THIS BUT I AM NOT?

So, I’m turning a new leaf. It’s hookup season, I’m going to start being selfish and shoving you in a cab and out of my face, I’m jumping back on the shark, and y’all can’t stop me (unless I stop myself).

Here’s to a lot of fireball shots and bad decisions ladies and gents, catch ya on the flip side.

 

24 Reasons Going To The Beach Is Actually The Worst

#brohugs

The Interns Are Coming

4 Jun

All over DC, a slow but steady buildup has been approaching, finally erupting in offices everywhere this week.

You know how during Freshman orientation in college there was always a list of things to do/avoid so as not to be that Freshman? It ranged from getting rid of that tacky lanyard hanging around your neck with your student ID attached, to going to each and every organization’s free pizza party in order to save on your dine dollars.

Wouldn’t it be nice if DC held some kind of massive orientation in front of the Lincoln Monument for all the new interns that have arrived? If we had it our way, these are some of the key points that would be touched upon before they embark on their summer in the capital.

– Do Not ask a co-worker on a date the first week you meet. Or ever. The exact words that were used with one particular intern was “Would it be inappropriate to ask you on a date?” Yes, dear. Yes it would.

– We will give you stupid work. Shut up and do it. That’s what you’re here for.

– Don’t dress like a slut. A bandage skirt that has seen the depths of Saint-Ex does not double as a pencil skirt. And please leave your 5 inch red platform heels at home.

– Your opinions probably don’t matter. Sure you’re in the Student Government Association at your college, and therefore believe you have really brilliant ideas… but let’s be honest, you don’t.

– Gossip in DC is worse than in high school. Go ahead. Hook up with the intern from the legal department. Complain that your boss doesn’t deserve his position. Game on. Because We will find out.

– Standing directly in front of the cafeteria worker with 8 people behind you in line is not when you start pondering whether you want swiss or cheddar on your turkey sandwich. Know what you want for lunch, and order quickly. We’re all in a hurry.

– Don’t show up to work hungover multiple times in a week. We’re aware that you will party like it’s 2011 on random Tuesday nights at McFaddens, but pop some advil, drink a 5 hour energy, and pull yourself together man.

– Don’t go to McFaddens.

– Just because you’re the nephew of a senator, or the daughter of John Boehner’s college roommate’s cousin-in-law does not make you important. Sure, that’s how half of you got your internships. But don’t for two seconds think we want to deal with your douchebagery.

Follow these rules, use common sense, and don’t be a dick. That’s basically the summary of this post. And if you can do that, we will love you forever. If you can’t, we’ll laugh in your face, complain behind your back, and blog about you in the hopes that you see it someday.

Don’t be an intern statistic. We’ve all been there. And we’re rooting for you.

B.